Postby WarriorSpouse » Sun Nov 25, 2018 1:13 pm
I agree with Stu... Things always seem to settle out as time moves forward and you both become adjusted to the new normal of what you both are experiencing.
My wife and me had high school teenagers living in our house at the time of her initial diagnosis, surgeries and treatments. We witnessed the kids become focused more in the things they had control over and became very successful both in their academics and sporting activities. We tried to focus on as much normalcy in their lives that it brought us much normalcy in our lives too. It was a great combination.
There were some moments when the kids said and did things that affirmed our focus on them as being successful, because it was so clear that they were more concerned over something clearly a teenager may have considered important than what was actually important. ...Once my wife and I looked at each other in the kitchen and affirmatively gave each other the parental nod and wink, "Mission Accomplished!" ...We laughed and said on queue, I guess this strategy is working. It was a fun moment of reflection and accomplishment of family normalcy in not so normal times.
Just remember, kids are just that... "kids," so appreciate their normal teenage or pre-teenage ways. Embrace that they too are changing in life, not just from the family situation, but because that is what kids do, change constantly. They will always have different phases of growth, just ensure that they are all positive and not self destructive behaviors. It sounds like Scouting, P-Fit workouts, and cooking together are a great place for normalcy for both of you. You guys are doing great! Keep up the good memories and enjoy the (pre-) teenage discomfort of watching him grow and change... It is fun if not outright funny at times:)
Being humorous and honest with my kids worked best with us to adjust their demeanor and mindset. Being persuasive and jovial in presentation will always fill their mind with the right approach...it just would take a few weeks to sink in. They are kids and their minds are not quite up to speed with cognitive thinking through these things rationally like adults. They will eventually catch up to where rational and happy is in their lives, but no mother in America (or the world) will force happiness on any child before they put themselves in the happy mood themselves...It is their way to control the situation. Again, it is normal teenage behavior. Laugh through it and set the good example. He will come around in short time.
Also, many horse stables will allow kids to earn horse ridding time if they add to the labor effort with caretaking chores inside the stable. You should approach a local horse owner and discuss the family situation and your son's love for horses. I am sure you will find an owner who would appreciate the help in caretaking for the thrill of witnessing a youth enjoy the life of raising and riding a horse. This will be a win / win for both your son and the owner of the horse. Good luck on this and let us know how it worked out.
Keep making good memories and remember, kids are always being different and sometimes difficult in life. That is normal kid behavior. Congratulations on having a normal child in what can sometimes seem like a chaotic life and world. Embrace it, love it and keep moving forward Mom... You are doing great!
WS
D/H 47 years old, 10/2014, Stage IV M/CRC, nodes 12/15, para-aortic, 5 cm sigmoid resection, positive Virchow. KRAS mut, MSS, Highly Differentiated, Lynch Neg, 5FU/LV and Avastin 1 YR (Oxi for 5 months), Zeloda/Bev since 01/2016. 02/2019 recurrence para-nodes, back to 5FU/LV Oxy/Bev. It is working again. "...Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other."-Walter Elliot