Fathering to a healthy baby after chemoradiation?

[Nohogirl]

Hello,

We have two girls 9 and 15, and I always wanted another child. My dream was to have another baby as I wanted a big family. I love kids and enjoyed every moment of motherhood with my 2 kids. .

However, the day my husband was given the dreadful diagnosis of cancer, the thought of maternity diminished from my mind completely. And even more I started thinking that there was a reason for me not being able to conceive as God knew my husband was sick and didn't want me to get pregnant and for the baby to grow without a dad. So my only goal and I should say dream has become my husband's cure. My mind is mainly working on his treatments, doctors appointments, and to do everything to win this battle so he can be with as as long as possible, as i know life will never be the same without him and even thinking about it is tearing my heart out. He is a very fun, loving caring and dedicated dad, loves his girls to the moon and back and they love him as much. I have to admit the desire of having another baby was more mine than hubby's. He always thought we were already old for another baby, and the chances of having a child with disabilities is high and now that these two are a little grown up and independant and we are feeling a little releived we should not go through poopy diapers, baby cries and slipless nights again, and instead we should start to finally enjoy life and travel as a family.( he probably had a feeling)

But few days ago I had a dream. I dreamt of a beautiful baby boy. I was holding him. The dream felt so real and it was so touching that even i after I woke up I was still feeling it, as if it was true. So here I am again with the desire of having another baby. I can't get over my dream and the idea of me wanting another baby does not leave me alone

Not that we are determined to go for it with all that we are already going through with this disease, but I am just curious to know if there are any men in this forum who were able to father a healthy child after chemoradiation. And if so, how soon?

Our radiologist told us to wait 2 years before going for another child, but even after 2 years i will be scared to take the risk as I've read a lot about chemoradiation resulting in a low sperm quality thus increasing the chances of birth defects especially with our ages being another risk factor (We are turning 50 and 40 next month) So i guess for us 3rd child is out of picture?

I want to add. I am so sorry if i am being insensitive and if I am hurting anyone's feelings. I know many here are fighting for their lives or for the lives of their loved ones like me and some who have lost their loved ones to this disease and may find my post about wanting another child inappropriate, offensive or insensitive.

[zx10guy]

I don't know your relationship and it appears you have a very good marriage. But in my opinion, you need to focus on how life will be very different after cancer. Adding another stress factor to it with a new child is playing with fire. I won't get into details, but I can say cancer and having a newborn has pushed my marriage into the finality of divorce.

[hiker]

Hey Noho,

I'm a 51 YO man with 3 kids (11, 13 and 15) and I can't imagine life without them - they are my everything. From my point of view, there are several things to consider here. First, the chance of having a baby with birth defects after chemo would concern me greatly. I haven't looked into what chemo could do to my swimmers, but that is some wicked stuff so it has to do something. Second, your husband is 50 YO which is similar to me and although I can do almost everything I could prior to two major surgeries and 14 rounds of chemo I can't do as much of it and chasing around a young baby is not on my short list of things to do. And third, your husband's interest and ability in the bedroom may change after chemo. Prior to chemo, I was still VERY interested in that area. In fact, within 2 hours of being released from the hospital after my colon resection my wife and I were ......I don't think I need to say any more. However, since going through chemo I've noticed a major decrease in my desire and a moderate decrease in my ability to handle things in that area.

I guess what I'm saying is to take it a day at a time. Wait till treatment is over and see how things are going. You and your husband are not too old for a new baby if you both really want that, but take it slow.

hiker

[Utwo]

Nohogirl, eggs are given to a woman only once.
This is a reason that pregnancy is not recommended after chemo or radiation.

Sperms are created non-stop.
The risk of getting a defective sperm decreases exponentially after the end of chemo or radiation.
After a certain time this risk is back to the same pre-chemo and pre-radiation level.

Financial risks should be your primary consideration after your partner reached NED status.

[Canada777]

I've done some research into this and utwo is correct. Sperm regenerates - roughly every three months. The studies available currently show no added risk of babies with deformities after waiting two years from chemo. The info I was told ( from a fertility clinic doc) is that likely you are safe sooner than this 2 year mark ...but no studies exist to prove this yet ( that's why no doctor advises it prior to 2 years).

[Nohogirl]

I don't know your relationship and it appears you have a very good marriage. But in my opinion, you need to focus on how life will be very different after cancer. Adding another stress factor to it with a new child is playing with fire. I won't get into details, but I can say cancer and having a newborn has pushed my marriage into the finality of divorce.

zx10guy thanks for your reply
I am sorry to hear about your divorce. It is sad to see life partners walking out of their marriages during the most difficult time for their spouse when they are needed the most. I always tell my husband that this is not only his fight, this fight is ours and not matter how hard it is or it gets we are both in the battle together, and I will never let him alone. As for the baby, I guess you are right. As much as its a blessing and joy it can easily become a stress and create tension in the family, especially after a tough and draining battle of cancer.

[Nohogirl]

Hey Noho,

I'm a 51 YO man with 3 kids (11, 13 and 15) and I can't imagine life without them - they are my everything. From my point of view, there are several things to consider here. First, the chance of having a baby with birth defects after chemo would concern me greatly. I haven't looked into what chemo could do to my swimmers, but that is some wicked stuff so it has to do something. Second, your husband is 50 YO which is similar to me and although I can do almost everything I could prior to two major surgeries and 14 rounds of chemo I can't do as much of it and chasing around a young baby is not on my short list of things to do. And third, your husband's interest and ability in the bedroom may change after chemo. Prior to chemo, I was still VERY interested in that area. In fact, within 2 hours of being released from the hospital after my colon resection my wife and I were ......I don't think I need to say any more. However, since going through chemo I've noticed a major decrease in my desire and a moderate decrease in my ability to handle things in that area.

I guess what I'm saying is to take it a day at a time. Wait till treatment is over and see how things are going. You and your husband are not too old for a new baby if you both really want that, but take it slow.

hiker

Thank you Hiker. What a quick post surgery recovery you had JK
I totally agree about the treatment's impact and how it can become an obstacle. I am actually not sure about chemo but before my husband started his neoadjuvent radiation, our radiologist informed us that men sexual dysfunction is one of the long term and possibly permanent side effects of radiation.. my husband took this news tragically and became very hesitant about going for radiation. I was happy I was able to convince him that we better let go of our active sexual life (forgive me for too much openness)
rather than his own life. At the end of the day that's all it matters right? As much as I wish i could experience maternity again, I understant that with what we are faced with today, that is going to happen in my dreams only, and if God gives my husband the second chance for life, we should live it and enjoy every day and be happy with what have.

[Nohogirl]

Thank you Canada777. Very helpful information.

[Nohogirl]

Thank you Utwo. You are right. Unfortunately cancer does not only cause physical damage, but also financial and more.