As many of you know, I have been a member here for nearly a month since my mom was diagnosed with RC.
I am so grateful for finding this wealth of information and support—I continue to advocate for the best care for my mom to get her to NED in large part to the advice on this forum.
As many of you said would happen, we do “feel better” now that a plan to fight this is formulated.
But I’m finding I personally have become just absolutely terrified of also having colorectal cancer myself (hence, a nightmare times 2.)
I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder, so these feelings come as no surprise to my family but nonetheless I am just paralyzed by fear. I am definitely scheduling a colonoscopy (waiting for the GP scheduling office to call me back today in fact) but I fear it could be weeks before I am seen.
I am 34 and up until my mom’s diagnosis, I never once thought about this particular type of cancer (though I convinced myself of multiple other cancers I thought for sure I had.) But now that this one has become real for my mom, I fear it’s going to be real for me too. I have had small amounts of rectal bleeding dating back 15 years to my college days and I have always been told by docs that it is due to fissures and/or hemmroids. It’s actually the one thing I never freaked out over because it’s just been an on and off phenomenon for as long as I can remember and is almost always associated with straining. Then since my mom’s diagnosis, I have had loose stools that come out in pieces literally every day. And today I have a pain in my lower left side. I know stress/anxiety can cause a change in bowel movements and digestive issues, but it just fuels my fear even further.
I just pray I can get this colonoscopy and be proven wrong.
Did any other caregivers experience this fear? I feel bad that I’m taking any energy away from being a caregiver for my mom to freak out about myself but I just spiral so easily.