nynessie wrote:Diagnosed in late May with Rectum Cancer, spread to ovary. Then came diagnosis of colorectal cancer (sigmoid almost completely cancerous), with adenocarcinomas to rectum and ovary. Then came possibly of two separate cancers - colorectal and ovarian. Second opinion determined no ovarian cancer. Also determined that there are cancers through my peritoneum, on abdomen wall and intestines. Ctyoreduction surgery was mentioned, but was not to be discussed until another 3 months of chemotherapy.
I had 10 weeks of FOLFOX, including 3 weeks with Avastin. Then blood counts were too low to continue. A CT scan showed increase in masses on rectum and ovary, and increase in the peritoneum cancers. In other words, it did not work.
Will begin FOLFIRI+Avastin next week. I am also dealing with a blood clot in my lung, so now put on drugs for that. Will not know if I will also be on Neulasta, will find out next week. All of this has happened in the past two weeks. The CT scan, the 2nd opinion, the change in chemo, the finding of clots.
Today I finally was able to go to the doctors appointment without my husband, so I could ask for the truth, ask that everyone be honest and straightforward with me, as I was finding it extremely difficult to continue living with possibilities, and not finding any answers. I was told, only after being asked several times if I really wanted to know, that there was not a surgical option, that I would likely not survive surgery, and that I was on Palliative Care.
I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. Yes, it was difficult to finally hear what I had suspected since May. But finally someone was willing to tell me. It was as if the entire staff, the whole team, had a weight lifted as well, because suddenly it was me they were treating, and not cancer person.
My husband does not know. He might know, but he is the sort of person who will hang on for the positive, for the cure, for the long life. I will not tell him that I was given this diagnosis, and that who knows how long I really have, but the best guess is at least 2 years. Then again, I'm h=just stubborn enough to double that.
I am waiting on a referral to a counselor, and will begin meeting with them. I need someone to talk with about this.
In the meantime, there are so many questions I have, and no answers. Not physical, because I can ask more openly now, and expect everyone to be honest with me, and not tip-toe around me and what I should or should not be told.
I'm sharing this with you all, as I have been lurking about this site for months, and finding out so much useful information, and now reach out to find out what I do now, what next steps to ensure my family is cared for, how to get things was for them, and how to know how best to spend what time I have left, whether it's months or years. I want each day to matter.
I hope the FOLFIRI+Avastin will work, and will kick some serious cancer to the curb. I'll do whatever I need to do to se my daughter as the lead in the high school play, to help her pick out her senior prom dress, to see her receive her high school diploma, to move her into her college dorm room. I'm fairly sure I will not see any of my four kids married, or hold grandchildren, but I sure as hell am going to try. I know I will need some help in keeping up with this ambitious plan, and know I can rely on everyone in this group. Thanks for being there.
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