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Why do I torture myself? Signet Ring Cell Sigmoid Colon

Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2018 10:28 pm
by BeckyH
I’m not sure why I decided to read some research articles tonight. Maybe because there were some newer
Literature reviews and research about my specific type of cancer. I went so far as to dig out my care plan and realized that I need to correct my signature here. And according to at least one article I have a zero percent chance of living 5 years from surgery. For any of my friends that are curious, I am Stage 3, T4a, N2b with 35/56 lymph nodes affected. I am currently 2 years, 7 months, and 10 days Post resection.

Generally I do a good job of living in the moment. Right now, I feel like I need to update my will.

I am so glad to be alive and I RELISH the time with my husband and 12 and 15 year old. And I hate this disease that messes with my head when my house is quiet. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

DX: Suspected Colon Cancer January 29, 2016
2/8/16: Removed 17" Colon (Sigmoid area) & 1"Rectum & 58 lymph nodes
2/12/16: CA in 35/58 lymph nodes
Cancer: Stage 3C T4aN2b
Path: Signet Ring Cell Adenocarcinoma
Chemo: 12 rounds of FOLFOX, (3/17/16 to August, 2016) Leukovorin DC'd after WBC decrease.
Scans: F/U scans every 3 months initially, then every 4, now every 6 months. All NED. Next December 2018
CEA: Stable b/t 1 and 2

Re: Why do I torture myself? Signet Ring Cell Sigmoid Colon

Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 1:43 am
by stu
Just because your human . Bound by our humanity. That’s why we do things that unsettle our wellbeing. I think anyway!!!
My mum’s other shoe had already dropped way back . They hammered home that she would need to get into the top five percent of chemo responders, then it was an ever lower percentage for surgery and that was before we got to overall survival stats . Certainly back in 2009 it was not too bright a forecast .
In 2017 she is doing well all things considered . Turns out she is quite good at pushing statsical boundaries . Someone has to be the force of change . Seems to me that it might actually be you . So instead of reading old stats you are in the business or rewriting current ones . Keep up the good work and long may you scan well .
Stu

Re: Why do I torture myself? Signet Ring Cell Sigmoid Colon

Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 7:01 am
by hiker
I'm certainly no doctor, but I would say you've already beat the statistics. You're 2 1/2 years post-surgery and still NED with no recurrences. That sounds very promising to me. Forget what you've read and live a long, full life.

I'll be here to wish you well in December when you get another clear scan and 5 years from now.

Re: Why do I torture myself? Signet Ring Cell Sigmoid Colon

Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 3:59 pm
by Dori W
I did the same thing! Over and over again...I felt like I couldn't stop! It is so hard.

I had a similar diagnosis: signet ring, stage 3c, 14 of 18 nodes affected. I recall my oncologist saying that if I made it to two years without a recurrence, she would feel much more optimistic. It's now been over ten years since I was diagnosed and I still haven't had a recurrence.

Try to stay off the internet. If you are like I was, this seems impossible, but try anyway.

Take care,
Dori

Re: Why do I torture myself? Signet Ring Cell Sigmoid Colon

Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 8:43 pm
by Cmac1275
Dori W wrote:
Try to stay off the internet. If you are like I was, this seems impossible, but try anyway.



+1 to this.

I went from doing very little research...just following doctors orders, so to speak...to now spending entirely too much time each day online researching all things cancer. Of course, you have to be your own advocate. So, this isn’t entirely a bad thing. But I’ve had a few weeks now where the positive and oblivious mindset that has carried me so far has been tested.

To me, the psychological war cancer plays on us is just the worse. Just gotta try and do your best to manage and avoid situations that will drive your anxiety north. Like others have stated, you have a lot to feel good and positive about considering you’re NED 2.5 years.

Re: Why do I torture myself? Signet Ring Cell Sigmoid Colon

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 3:16 pm
by crikklekay
My husband has the same staging except he's N2a since it was just 6 out of 22 affected. I remember sitting in the hospital room the evening after he was diagnosed and thinking I would feel better with facts, I'm generally calmer if I know what's going on and feel in control. I'll never forget opening the page for the American Cancer Society and reading that colon cancer was the second most deadly in America and I slammed my laptop close. Since then I can't bring myself to look at statistics, it causes me too much anxiety. In his cancer journey I have found that that the internet is NOT my friend though I'm grateful I found this board.

Congrats on being cancer free for 2 1/2 years! I hope you continue to be cancer-free, and you're halfway to the 5-year mark which is good!