I was wondering how she was doing and it sounds like she's still having a tough time. I'm having a tough time as well with these crazy bouts of three to four hours in the bathroom to clear out the colon and it often gets a little painful and there's some blood.
But I'm able to get out of the house and I've been going to work daily. I'm in Boston at the post-op meeting and it was a one-hour drive in from home. What I've worked really hard on is products and logistics. The products are diapers, wipes, pads, the radiation seat cushion, and Chux. The logistics involves knowing where handicapped bathrooms are available along the way or at my destination. I do not think that I can fly anytime soon but I do think that I could dispense with the diapers and just use pads if I can find the brand that the hospital uses. The ones that they use are the best that I've run into - I just haven't figured out where I can buy them.
When I went up to my room after reversal surgery, I was in the bathroom doing my thing and the nurse was in the room talking and then she came into the bathroom to chat and she made the comment that I wasn't embarrassed that a stranger was in the bathroom with me - I said something like it wasn't a big deal at my age as I've been through it all. And something like not wanting to wear diapers may be not wanting to accept that we're aging. But I have a lot of things to get done and try to be pragmatic so that I can live life as best as I can.
Things are challenging for me at two weeks. I do not expect them to get significantly better at three weeks so I'm not surprised that she finds things challenging. The surgical site should be getting better quickly so she may have fewer restrictions but spending a lot of time in the bathroom wears you out, puts stress on parts of your body that can break down, and isn't great for your mental health unless you can find something that you really like to do or need to do in there.
The diapers can give you enough protection and confidence that you can leave the bathroom for long periods of time. Or sometimes for long enough to take a nap to get some really needed sleep.
My wife put a sheet of plastic on the bed and a diaper (cloth) on top of it. I have only left on small spot (1 cm diameter) on the diaper. It's not comfortable and it moves around so I'd like to get some Chux but the type I want has a minimum quantity of 100 but I may get them anyways. I would really hate for someone to have to clean up for me and I'd guess that your mother feels the same way but they may make it possible for her to get more sleep.
On losing weight: I dropped about 13 pounds in about 11 days after surgery. You eat less so that there's less to come out the other end or you're just too tired to eat or you don't feel like it. I had scheduled things yesterday and today and I limited consumption not eating 12-18 hours before the scheduled things so that I could make the appointments on time without a mess to deal with.
I do wish that there was a book on just the reversal stuff. I have starting materials for such a book but I haven't started yet as I have an accumulating pile of stuff to do at work.
I hope that your mother can get some rest and some solutions toward some areas of normalcy.
6/17: ER rectal bleeding; Colonoscopy
7/17: 3B rectal. T3N1bM0. 5.2 4.5 4.3 cm. Lymphs: 6 x 4 mm, 8 x 6, 5 x 5
7/17-9/17: Xeloda radiation
7/5: CEA 2.7; 8/16: 1.9; 11/30: 0.6; 12/20 1.4; 1/10 1.8; 1/31 2.2; 2/28 2.6; 4/10 2.8; 5/1 2.8; 5/29 3.2; 7/13 4.5; 8/9 2.8, 2/12 1.2
MSS, KRAS G12D
10/17: 2.7 2.2 1.6 cm (-90%). Lymphs: 3 x 3 mm (-62.5%), 4 x 3 (-75%), 5 x 3 (-40%). 5.1 CM from AV
10/17: LAR, Temp Ileostomy, Path Complete Response
CapeOx (8) 12/17-6/18
7/18: Reversal, Port Removal
2/19: Clean CT