WriterGirl1969 wrote:As the one with cancer, I often felt that being the caregiver / loved one forced to watch would be *so* much harder. I'm so very sorry to read both posts, but so moved by the love and devotion that you gave to your partners.
Keeping you both in my prayers.
risto wrote:It has been just over 2 weeks
The sadness and emptiness is profound, but partially thanks to your comments and partially thanks to follow up from bereavement counselors and my DW's health care team, I am understanding that I did my best for her, and the main thing was helping her feel comfortable and loved, not trying to keep her alive at all costs, which matters most at the end.
She was dealt a bad hand but we played it well to the end. Her oncologist urged us to minimize interventions at the end, and focus on her comfort, and I'm now convinced it was the right call. Throughout her illness one of my biggest fears was that she would suffer at the end, and I can say with confidence she did not suffer much if at all, thanks to a very active palliative care team that had been started 2 years before her death. Any stage IV patients who are not getting real palliative care, whether you are potentially curable or not, you may want to seek that out, because there really isn't any downside. It's not like hospice. She only had hospice for 3 days, but because of the palliative care team she had all the meds she needed for comfort throughout her journey.
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