My DW died on July 19, after living with stage IV colorectal cancer for just over 3 years.
Her last month went something like this: She had an inoperable malignant small bowel obstruction on June 18, had a venting g-tube placed, then had an infection in her pleural cavity for which she started IV antibiotics. We had an awesome suite in the palliative care ward and she had dozens of visitors coming through. She went home from the hospital on July 10, and had many more visitors there. She had internal bleeding starting around July 15, became jaundiced and started hospice on July 16. Due to fentanyl patch and other pain meds she was without pain but did have some panic attacks, and the ativan helped with that. She had some trouble breathing in her last day, when she lapsed into a coma and died in her sleep surrounded by love.
I feel traumatized by the death process even though she seemed mostly comfortable. There is something about being the caregiver and unable to stop the process as it unfolded before me that causes me to feel a strong sense of guilt about what I could have done better, though I know this is irrational.
She was my soulmate and guiding light for 22 years and I am beyond sad and missing her, but mostly I'm sad for her, and the living she missed out on, despite her life-long healthy lifestyle. She was only 44.
DW Dx 7/15, 41 yo, st IV, 3+ liver mets: 11.3 cm, 7cm, 3cm. MSS.
KRAS, APC, SMAD4, TP53 mut.
7/15-10/15: FOLFOX+bev. x8
11/15-12/15: SIRT (Y90)
1/16: Toxic Hepatitis, chemo break
4/16: Liver resec. fail
5/16-7/16: FOLFIRI x6
8/16: Liver resec.
8/16-11/16: FOLFIRI x6
2/17: IMRT/Xeloda x25
6/17: CT: Progression. Peri, Lung, Liver mets. FOLFIRI x6
9/17: FOLFIRI+Bev x5.
11/17: CT: Stable. 5FU+bev. maintenance x5
1/18-2/18: Surgery for SBO
5/18: ascites, acute liver injury