It's been a crazy and wild journey going through this cancer journey with my mama who lives two doors down from me. She is quite excited to get this ileostomy reversal out of the way on 07/26 but I am a little anxious as I will be with her the whole time as my father is too old to travel (age 84 and he's grumpy as can be) and my brother who is 7 years older than me is too busy with his new job and won't talk to me. We stopped talking about 5 years ago due to the fact that he put my parent's home deed in his name (bastard) The home we were born and raised in and I found out by just researching myself and it broke my heart. Because of our differences, he will not help my mom and communicate with me and handle it like a family support group. I am not allowed over at my parents old home cause my brother lives there and he has threatened to call the police on me. He collects my dad's entire social security to pay for mortgage. So sad. I have tried calling APS but they won't do anything. I feel all alone during this journey besides my husband and in laws who support me by helping out with my daughter so I can be with my mama. I have closed a door on a couple of peeps who I thought were my friends and family, who I thought was my true friends/family during this journey but didn't even bother to ask how my mom was doing or lent a helpful ear/hand as I did for them. Mean people really suck. Sorry I am venting as I have nowhere to vent. I feel that I have/had cancer with my mom. She will be staying with me after her reversal and will have home health. I bought a brand new bed and lazy boy chair for my mom cause she cannot afford it and it will be delivered before her surgery. My mom has been giving me a lot of her personal things such as her wedding ring, brand name wallets, jewelry, had me sign cremation paperwork and has been getting me down. She talks about wanting to travel and I want to do that with her. I miss her home made cooked meals.
This weekend she said she would make her famous potato salad maybe, but my aunt said she would do it instead of her. We are having a big BBQ 2 days before her reversal. Korean BBQ, hopefully that meal will be okay for her two days before the surgery.. any thoughts? We fight due to my brother and father a lot and also because she is stressed, anxious, depressed and brings me down with her. But I realized that it is better for me to just be there for her and just talk to her and hold her hand. We have cried together and laughed together. I feel that most of our time is spent in the car driving to appointments trying on wigs, doctor's appt, radiation appt oncologists, GI doct, loI helped w/ her insurance got her on good insurance, researched the best specialty surgeons on the west coast, etc. I asked her if she would go to Disneyland and she said she doesn't think so. This is where I get weak and I start to cry. When will this all end? I know cancer is cancer and there is remission, no evidence of disease, near pathological response, reoccurrence, etc. I have read so many stories on this board, so many inspirational stories, some sad, some positive. This colon club is my only support group and I thank you for open ears while I sob while typing on nights like this. I am scared for my mom and I know that she is nervous too, but I will be her nurse the whole way through. I hope that her reversal goes okay. Her first surgery took about 4 1/2 hours and her recovery was very tough as she had a sac filled pus (hernia) and had to go back to the hospital. I just wish I had more family support but I am the leader of the pact and my mom's back bone. My mom has a sister that is coming with me to the hospital for support. She will stay with her over-night and I will stay at my friends home near the hospital that she is at. Anyhow, if there is anything you can share with me that has helped you from another family member or caregiver, please share. I just don't want to fight with my mom anymore. I show my thick skin and strong back bone, but at nights like this, I turn weak. Thank you for listening. Good night.
Caregiver/daughter to dear mother age 78, dx 5/09/17 because of me!!
Rectal CA Stage 3 low-grade adenocarcinoma- 6 cm
Neoadjuvant start 7/10/17 ended 08/16/17
3D Lap. surgery @ Keck USC, Dr. Sang Lee 10/17/17 temp ileostomy
11/1 hospitalized abscess/hernia - back home 11/06/17 antibiotics
NO LYMPHS INVOLVED! NEAR PATHOLOGICAL RESPONSE! YAY!
Took her last chemo med 05/10/18! Ileostomy reversal 07/24/18
First BM after reversal 07/25/18
Me: 1st Colonoscopy age 38. 08/17 Benign polp.