Vent, anyone else need to?

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Mohrfamily
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue May 22, 2018 4:04 pm

Vent, anyone else need to?

Postby Mohrfamily » Wed Jun 20, 2018 10:45 am

A little off cancer topic but I needed an outlet.
So today we had court over a shared parenting agreement with DH ex. Given that we found out he has cancer where he wanted 50/50 custody he no longer wanted to waste time fighting in court and just wanted to settle on the standard order with his minimum normal child support payments.

Child support (and ex) wanted to double his payment to 140 a week! With everything we are facing between bills and doctors etc (you know the drill) he just wanted her to drop everything and keep things as they are. Her mom passed of cancer when she was 11 and their son is 10 this year so it strikes a nerve only she can actually relate to, they had talked about it she cried said she'd think about it. Turns out SHE said we are fighting the agency and not her that she can't stop it anymore. But today at the trial our lawyer informed us she IS still fighting for more money.

I am disgusted at the cruel dishonesty and sheer greed of what's going on with these fake people (ex and her husband) who sat by us before it started displaying concern, memories of her mother going through the motions for years and (dumb) advice. Well guess where they didnt sit when it was over....

Thoughts?
DH dx officially stage IV with liver mets
Colonoscopy/endoscopy/port place 5/29
4cm long mass in splenic flexure
1st round FolFox 5/30

SteveNZ
Posts: 122
Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2018 4:21 pm
Location: New Zealnd

Re: Vent, anyone else need to?

Postby SteveNZ » Wed Jun 20, 2018 5:23 pm

I am thinking of you.
What an awful thing to go through at this time.
For myself I went through a nasty divorce. Sadly I am pretty naieve....... oh brother
My personal solution.....pretty tough.... Forgive and go forward.
Do PM me if you want.
Steve
Last edited by SteveNZ on Thu Jun 21, 2018 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Aged 56 - I feel really young...
Colo-Rectal Cancer T2 N1 M0
March 2018 - Diagnosis
April-May 2018 Radiation+Chemo then a TIA (Minor Stroke). - Stopped Chemo.
June 2018 - Sitting it out before operation. ....Pretty Miserable- emotions gone weird....?!
*Decided to live to 100 as I will get a telegram from Her Majesty the Queen when 100yrs old. I so, so want one.
Am a Salvation Army chap so I complete 'knee drill' (prayer) to the Commander in Chief often. For myself personally this helps me through.

KimT
Posts: 576
Joined: Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:53 pm

Re: Vent, anyone else need to?

Postby KimT » Wed Jun 20, 2018 8:55 pm

The reality is that life goes on, even with cancer. Children still need to be fed and clothed. Having cancer doesn’t lesson our responsibility as parents. I went through cancer twice in an 18 month period. Having cancer didn’t make me any less of a mother. Dinner got cooked, laundry got done and I often sat in a car pool line with a puke bag. Our kids deserve the security of knowing that we are all in, even when it’s hard.

You are still in the shock and awe phase where you can’t see past the next doctor appointment. Life will go on and you will find a new normal. Doctors appointments, blood work, chemo, surgeries....it will all become part of the new normal. I won’t say it gets easier but it won’t always be so overwhelming.

It would be nice if your husbands ex would cut him a break but it isn’t worth squabbling over. It will likely cost you far more than the increased child support in lawyers fees to fight it.
2/10 dx colon cancer
right hemicolectomy 3/19/10
Stage 2a 0/43 nodes
Lynch syndrome
3/14/10 colon resection/ removal of metal clips
Nov 11 dx ovarian cancer

Mohrfamily
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue May 22, 2018 4:04 pm

Re: Vent, anyone else need to?

Postby Mohrfamily » Sat Jun 23, 2018 11:46 am

No one is saying that life doesn't go on. Its just the lack of compassion that is the problem. DH. Isn't trying to get out of his obligation by any means but our household/family can't afford an increase with our without cancer.

It wouldn't bother me so much if she had a job but she stays home.
DH dx officially stage IV with liver mets
Colonoscopy/endoscopy/port place 5/29
4cm long mass in splenic flexure
1st round FolFox 5/30

MissMolly
Posts: 520
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2015 4:33 pm
Location: Portland, Ore

Re: Vent, anyone else need to?

Postby MissMolly » Sat Jun 23, 2018 5:03 pm

Mohrfamily:
In my many years of fragile health, I have had to learn to let go of expections that I may have had of others, even when I felt justified in my opinion.

You will compound your emotional pain if you hold onto aggrieved slights.

The Serenity Prayer is something that I look to when the scales of life seem particularly unbalanced:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change; courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time.”
Karen
Dear friend to Bella Piazza, former Colon Club member (NWGirl).
I have a permanent ileostomy and offer advice on living with an ostomy - in loving remembrance of Bella
I am on Palliative Care for broad endocrine failure + Addison's disease + osteonecrosis of both hips/jaw + immunosuppression. I live a simple life due to frail health.

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 9528
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Vent, anyone else need to?

Postby CRguy » Sat Jun 23, 2018 11:32 pm

Mohrfamily wrote:......Thoughts?

Mine may be a little less politically correct ... BUTT since you asked :

This topic is YOURS and your vent ... which we support and encourage, so rant and vent on as required !

Following up on "expectations", I once had the feedback from a clinical psychologist which stated
" forget expectations of others. they will always let you down.
YOU have only one nervous system in life which you can protect ... what do YOU NEED ? "


I found that I needed " to not let small minded assholes drag me down to their level "

rant, vent ..... BUTT don't let them drag you down to their level
go for what you really need.

Harmony
CRguy
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
11 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

stu
Posts: 713
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:46 pm

Re: Vent, anyone else need to?

Postby stu » Sun Jun 24, 2018 2:05 am

That behaviour leaves me cold and if there is a willingness to pursue this at this time then you have the measure of the person and I would anticipate more of the same . Maybe one day they will understand and that’s the hope.
I think Miss Molly and CR guy have it right . Surrender what you can’t change but never become it . I am still working on both of the above in my own life . I continually have to repeat it to myself . I do think there is a freedom in it on the days I achieve it though .
I think I am also raised “ old school” where you support people during rough times so when the opposite occurs I feel a sense of injustice. Now I think special people do that , some others continue to think of themselves . I am always open to people changing .
Have a great day ,
Stu
supporter to my mum who lives a great life despite a difficult diagnosis
stage4 2009 significant spread to liver
2010 colon /liver resection
chemo following recurrence
73% of liver removed
enjoying life treatment free
2016 lung resection
Oct 2017 nice clear scan . Two lung nodules disappeared

teresajj1
Posts: 28
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2016 7:36 pm
Location: Florida

Re: Vent, anyone else need to?

Postby teresajj1 » Fri Jun 29, 2018 5:56 pm

Yes I'm annoyed! I've literally been asked 10-15 times this week "how long do you have left to live?". It's very irritating and annoying.

I want to respond with a smart ass answer like, "well how long do you have left to live?" or "doctor said Aug 5th at 12:05 so make sure you call me before noon".

I mean really? I don't know, the doctors don't know, and it hurts me and reminds me I am going to die of this disease sooner rather than later everytime someone asks me. I'd prefer to focus on the fact that I'm alive today.

Thanks for letting me vent!
Dx 3/2016 @ 36yrs old Stage IIIB CC RT Hemi-colectomy
T3N1M0. 2/37 lymph nodes
4/2016 Started 12 rounds of 5 FU & Oxi Chemo
7/2016 Stopped chemo after 5 rounds due to chest pain & had port removed
6/2017 Colonoscopy 2 benign polyps
8/2017 Tested Positive for MUYTH Gene
10/2017 Clear CT Scan; CEA 1.9
5/2018 CEA 447 & CA-125 144
6/2018 Stage IV w/drop metastases to ovaries & peritoneal cavity (3 tumors)
7/2018 Scheduled for cytoreductive surgery & Hipec


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