I've been completely panicing lately. Consistently had lots of issues after reversal and over immodiumed, got constipated and then had a series of painful bowel movements that left me throbbing after. Moved and need to change Dr., finally have initial GI appt tomorrow evening.
I've been SO panicked this time ever since I noticed mucus after this episode. I've had terrible pain ever since, after every bowel movement painful spasming that last for hours.
This is comsuming me. I'm literally shaking, having terrible stomach cramp and diarehhea, with more and more mucus and pain, giving myself multiple rectal exam AND feeling a lump/bump inside - even had to leave work to day becasue I literally crapped my pants in the middle of meeting (made it halfway to the bathroom).
I've become completely obssesseed. Everytime I see more mucus of think of the lump I felt inside I literally get sick. I'm spenidng hours each day researching the internet, hoping to convince myself it's just a fissure and/or hemmroids - ANYTHING but a recurrence! Read one article and statistically I'm at good odds given prognostic factors, etc., read another and I see fissure for men are on 1% anterior and that's where my tumor was.
I always get nervous (as many of us do) before routine test, but get obsessed over pains/aches fearing it's back.
Logically, I know there is nothing to do, but go to the Dr. and find out the truth one way or another. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble. I know I'll regret the worry either way, but I'm in pain and with every bowel movement (3-6x/day on average) I get reminded of it.
Being ~ 3.5 years out from surgery I though I'd be better, but the reality is given my MSI-H status, etc. a local recurrence is BAD news and the mucus set it off as that was the first symptom I had originally - it's like a form of PTSD.
*********
What do you guys do to deal with the anxiety? It's affecting my job, my marriage, my life - everything!!! Just a month ago I felt fantastic, now I'm in panic mode again and I keep cycling in and out of it.
I'm thinking of seeing a therapist or something to help me deal and get my head on straight, any suggestions as to a certain type or other ideas.
BTW, I also feel guilty being so afraid when (like every other time) it cold turned out to be nothing, and there are those who have real problems to worry about.
I'm ruining my life either way and feel totally out of control - any advice???