Postby CAGirl » Tue Feb 27, 2018 3:27 pm
Oh dear. You poor, poor thing. We have all been there. I was diagnosed Stage 3C one year ago, but in three weeks, I will know if the lung nodule we're watching is indeed a CRC met or not.
First off, my vote is NOT Number 1, as she will get through the Folfox (we will help her with side effect management, if we can) and there are MANY people -- as Claudia mentioned -- on this board and long gone from the board but not life who are surviving Stage IV. Don't give up!
Second, I love a book called When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron. It helped me not feel like I was drowning from the diagnosis.
Third, I encourage her to embrace and not push away your 5-year-old. Here is what I did with my then-3 and 6-year-olds:
(Reposting from response to another thread)
I did sound therapy and yoga, AND my husband and I preemptively started seeing a therapist who has experience with couples going through cancer and also parenting issues. That has helped a lot. She told me if my girls (3 and 6) could get through this, they will be that much stronger and ahead of their peers in terms of coping skills and being able to deal with emotions. We have been age-appropriately sharing stuff with them: they ask to see my pump bottle to see if it's empty the day of my disconnect; know to watch out for Mama's port; and we created a lovely collage of a "Healing Tree" with 12 empty branches. Each cycle, we add leaves and other magical stickers -- birds, butterflies, flowers.
I finished Chemo last September. Seems like a world away. My kids still bring up the pump (we saw someone with an oxygen tank at a cafe and my 4-year-old brought it up). They ask me questions like "how old will you be when I'm such-and-such" or "will you still be alive" etc. I tell them we are all going to die some day, and we don't know when that is. But that I plan and hope to be around for a long time. Also, that I -- with the help of my doctors -- are doing all we can to ensure the aforementioned.
If you wife can manage the chemo side effects, she will be more able to be "normal" and loving with your child. Especially on her "off" weeks.
Here's what I did: made sure to exercise -- even if just a 20 minute walk -- each day I felt able. Kept small snacks in my tummy ALWAYS. That helped with the nausea tremendously. Even if just nuts, Cheerios, crackers, etc. DRINK DRINK DRINK the day before chemo. 8 glasses of water at least. Also, I made sure to get IV fluids EVERY TIME upon disconnect. (The nausea was worse day after disconnect. Fluids help!) Also, I took a prophylactic Zofran night before (or morning of?) hookup, as well as 1/2 of an Ativan. I am NOT into drugs, so I wanted to get through without Ativan, but IT HELPED. I only did 1/2 a pill each night for the 3 (?) of chemo "on" days. Zofran every 8 hours or so. Like pain, nausea is best managed BEFORE it gets out of control.
That's all I can remember for now.
Best of luck -- and this forum is here for you!
Dx 2/2017, age 45, 2 kids: 6 yrs & 3 yrs
History of Crohn's disease - dx in 1997; in remission, thus no colonoscopy in over 10 years
Anemia dx 11/16: GI doc assured me "the likelihood of colon cancer" was "very low".
Stage 3C - T3N2b
8/64 lymph nodes; clear margins surgery 3/17
12 cycles of Folfox 4/17-9/17
3-month CT scan midway through chemo, no changes
2-3-mo CT scan post chemo 11/17 slightly larger lung nod (incr. from 7mm to 8 or 9mm)
CT scan 3/18 - NED
clear CT scan 1/2019 NED