The Colon Club

Posted: **Thu Feb 08, 2018 10:38 pm**

Many don't know me because I've had this crap now for 8.5 years. I was a regular on the forum for the first three years and then I slowly got away from it. Every year I would update on my anniversary. The last two years I didn't even do that because I was in treatment. Well here I am again. I was scanned in Nov and told things looked great! Then 10 days later ended up in the ER with a deflated left lung. The cause, well seems like a small tumor was blocking the lung. Didn't show up in the C-scan. So back into chemo and radiation. Then I get pneumonia. Not good. I spent 15 days in the hospital during Christmas and New Years. I finish my chemo and radiation and 4 weeks later I'm back with pneumonia. When will this end? I have been fighting cancer every year now for to long. I'm tired and worn out. Some days I wonder if it is all worth it. This last round was so hard on me. I had a 24 hour chemo pump, 7 days a week for 6 week plus my radiation and I just don't think I can do any more. I'm already worried about the next time and it's not even here yet! Dr. says I should be glad that I'm still here. I am but I just worry about how bad it's going to be in the end. If you have read this far thank you for listening to me rant!
Tammy

Posted: **Fri Feb 09, 2018 1:18 am**

Hi Tammy,

I hear you. I haven't had cancer for as long as you did, but I'm a survivor of multiple traumas of various severity and nature and I have been feeling a bit worn out too. I can't imagine you and many others on this forum who have been fighting this for so many years....

I was just ranting to my family the other day that "when does this C-thing end really?" What really sucks is the absence of a definite end to anxiety and fear even we are in remission. Unlike some traumas I have gone through before, wounds heal, scars fade, probably some mobility is not there 100%, but the C-thing actually lurks around somewhere for a very long time. I also wondered if gratefulness can co-exist with anger. Grateful for still being here, angry for being here while having life compromised by medical episodes.

Lately I found out meditation really helps to clear these thoughts a bit. It's something you can do even on hospital bed, just download some meditation music or sound and try to meditate while taking deep breath. It helps you to focus on "being" and be "present" but away from toxic negative vibes. It was hard at first, I couldn't even do it for 3 minutes, but slowly I could do it for longer.

May the force be with you!

Posted: **Fri Feb 09, 2018 5:55 pm**

Hi Tammy,
I've been cancer free for over 20 years now ,but it never leaves you alone I had a scope last year and they removed four polyps the largest 11 mm. I spent time in hospital with vertigo attacks in Jan and feb . They found an atrial flutter and I have been put on warfarin. When you are a survivor there is always something to survive. Best of luck with the latest lot, Hugs Ron.

Posted: **Fri Feb 09, 2018 8:43 pm**

(((Tammy)))

I am so sorry to read your latest post. That is scary when a scan did not pick that nasty tumor. I hope the chemo and radiation throw it into the next universe.

I hope 2018 bring you better news, health wise.

Lee

Posted: **Fri Feb 09, 2018 8:58 pm**

tdsamal wrote:If you have read this far thank you for listening to me rant!
Tammy

Why Am I Still Here???
...... Because ... THIS is the best support forum on the net
... and YOU are our homie and we luvs ya'
... and ... RANTS AND VENTS are necessary, as you well know
... BUTT not that I would know anything about ranting and venting :shock:

You are still here because you are one of US
and we take care of family

MEGA Harmony Tammy
Always On the Journey with you
CRguy

Posted: **Sat Feb 10, 2018 2:46 am**

Hi Tammy,

Thanks for checking in !! It was really nice to hear from you again, but I'm sad to hear that you are having such a difficult time now. I hope that 2018 brings better health and a brighter outlook.

We remember many of your earlier posts about your beloved teaching job and your students. I'll bet your students really miss you now.

Any school teachers out there?

In 2010, tdsamal wrote:I am a teacher in Elementary school (K-5). I teach computer skills to all 6 grades. Right after my dx I had a staff meeting and explained what was going to happen and how long I was going to be gone. Surprisingly the whole staff wanted updates on the whole process. I talked with our school counselor about what to tell the students of anything. Some of the upper grade class teachers felt the students should know what was going on so the counsleor went to each 3rd,4th and 5th grade classes and explained in kid terms what I was going through. I was a basket case when I was first dx and didn't feel that I could do this myself. She was wonderful and answered all of the kids questions.The kids made videos for me while I was out and we kept in touch often. I came back to work at 6 weeks and they were glad to see me. I showed them my pump during chemo weeks and they were very interested and ask many questions. None of them felt scared at all because they knew what to expect because we had told them for the begining. When I went for my lung resection the only thing that was said was that I needed to go back to the hospital again to get better and the kids all understood. Unfortuneatly I didn't get to go back before school was out but we did do a Skype session the last day of school from the hospital and they could all see that I was ok. I am now back at school. This is the first week and they are just as happy to see me as I am to see them. One student even said "Mrs. Malby you look like your all grown up!" We think she meant I looked like I was feeling better!

Posted: **Sat Feb 10, 2018 8:14 am**

Hi ,
I have missed you . Glad you popped by to say hello .
Sorry your having it rough . Still hoping it picks up for you .
Stu

Posted: **Sat Feb 10, 2018 8:17 am**

Hi Tammy

Rant and vent away! You've gone through so much and you are an inspiration to me. I hope to keep fighting for years.
Cancer is not for sissies!!!

Posted: **Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:48 pm**

Hi Tammy,

Hang in there. I hope 2018 is better for you. HUGS

Posted: **Sun Feb 11, 2018 12:30 am**

Thanks guys. I was just having a little pity party. Don't do that often but when I do its because I'm really down. I know you guys understand it well. This last 2 months have not been great. After the Nov scan I was on top of the world thinking I might have just beaten this thing. Then I end up in the hospital in horrible pain the the Dr. tells me that my lung has collapsed. 2 Days later I find out that there is a tumor blocking the airway. I wanted to be home for Christmas and they said NO. My only thought was I may not be here next Christmas please let me go for this Christmas. But it wasn't meant to be. I was just to sick to leave. I am doing better but still have days when I just don't feel well and I'm just tired of being sick. Wishing everyone on this board good luck with their treatments.
Tammy

Posted: **Sun Feb 11, 2018 3:54 am**

I am really sorry for your situation, I had pneumonia in 2000 and I remember being extremely weak after. Even tidying up the bed would leave me exhausted. And I was a long distance runner at that time! So do not underestimate the effect of pneumonia, which might really contribute to your tiredeness right now. A big hug!

Best

Claudia

Posted: **Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:12 pm**

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time!*hugs* I hope chemo and radiation get rid of your tumor!*hugs*

Posted: **Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:11 pm**

My! Better an early warning than a late one. So sorry for your troubles. I fight because my son is now 14 and have seen many members of the family walk the cancer road. When he was 7 his Dad had a 3 kg tumor (6.6 pounds) that was successfully removed. So, he clings on to that hope, but man oh man, am I ever tired and he is a typical active boy. This forum gives us all a group of people who really relate and understand what we are going through. Best wishes for your new treatment. Zap it!

Posted: **Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:33 pm**

CRguy wrote:
tdsamal wrote:If you have read this far thank you for listening to me rant!
Tammy

Why Am I Still Here???
...... Because ... THIS is the best support forum on the net
... and YOU are our homie and we luvs ya'
... and ... RANTS AND VENTS are necessary, as you well know
... BUTT not that I would know anything about ranting and venting

You are still here because you are one of US
and we take care of family

MEGA Harmony Tammy
Always On the Journey with you
CRguy

I can't say it any better than CRguy! We're here for you because you're one of us, the best support forum on the net that no one wanted to join!

Wishing you strength and comfort as you deal with this damn disease again!

The Colon Club

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