Feel I need to give up before starting

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sandyw
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Feb 06, 2018 4:38 pm

Feel I need to give up before starting

Postby sandyw » Tue Feb 06, 2018 6:44 pm

New to group,I think my first message didn't post. I am 51, been having symptoms for months and months. I have been waiting,waiting and waiting to be heard.I have been to my doctor,hospital,urgent care so many times I've lost count, trying to get someone to listen to me and run tests(endoscope Sept ok) I feel unheard and dismissed. I feel this is colon cancer (due to symptoms)which is now also in my right lung. In Nov I talked to my doctor about cough,she examined me,no x-ray said likely post nasal drip as she heard nothing worrisome,Dec I had a chest cold,doctor put me on a puffer only,still having issues now. I now have colonoscopy in 2 weeks. I feel almost like giving up already,by the time they figure stuff out it will be so bad and have spread so much I may as well just plan my funeral. I have no family support,my parents and grandparents are gone,my brother is AWOL in his own life,my sister is narssistic and only her life matters,my hubby and 1-2 friends is all I can count on,and my kids 19 and almost 16 know im off of work but don't know exactly why as I don't want them to worry. Even if they discover in 2 weeks this is cancer,it's then another bunch of waiting and more spread. (Bloodwork last week and upper abdomen CT last week but no results given until next appt in a couple weeks) am beyond frustrated and could just break down and cry due to circumstances,just don't know what to do anymore besides plan my funeral. No one hears me and doctors don't listen and do anything or at least not timely. I feel like im drowning and waiting to die.

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CRguy
Posts: 9566
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Feel I need to give up before starting

Postby CRguy » Tue Feb 06, 2018 7:54 pm

Welcome to the best forum, nobody ever wants to HAVE to join !

Just FYI new members need a few moderator approved posts before they can post directly to the forum,
so KEEP posting and we will get you online here ASAP !

You said you are 51. I was 55 when first diagnosed and with Stage IVa colorectal cancer / lung met .... I am still here 10+ years later.

You have a c-scope coming up = good idea ... BUTT IMO I would not jump to a cancer diagnosis without the facts and results of the scoping.
Lots of good folks here can chime in to support you ... BUTT .. here comes the tough love part.

You also have to do your part.
Every Journey of one thousand miles .. begins with a single step.
You just took yours by joining us here
NOW one foot ahead of the other, breathe IN ... breathe OUT
Repeat as needed ... forever, OR until at least one thousand miles !!!!

Ask questions, rant, vent here, get personal support counseling at home ... WE have ALL done most of that at some time and many still are

Your choice though, because WE can only help you from this side of the keyboard

Harmony on the Journey
CRguy
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
11 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

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O Stoma Mia
Posts: 1356
Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 6:29 am
Location: Traveling abroad

Re: Feel I need to give up before starting

Postby O Stoma Mia » Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:34 pm

sandyw wrote:.... I now have colonoscopy in 2 weeks....

Welcome to the forum, and I'm sorry that you find yourself here, but there will be people here who can help you along the way.

Your colonoscopy in 2 weeks should answer a lot of your questions, as this is the gold-standard procedure for verifying colorectal cancer if it is present.

Between now and then you can start thinking about how to prepare for the colonoscopy procedure.The most important thing is to do the colon prep procedure completely according to the instructions so that the doctor has a clear, non-distorted view of the inside of your entire colon. He/she needs a clean colon in order to see what is going on.

The doctor should have given you a set of instructions as well as a prescription for a prep solution by now. Do you have all of this in hand now? You need this in order to get ready for the procedure.

- - -
Colonoscopy -- What to expect
http://coloncancersupport.colonclub.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=59184&p=468088#p468088

AussieAssCancer
Posts: 248
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 10:16 am

Re: Feel I need to give up before starting

Postby AussieAssCancer » Wed Feb 07, 2018 2:19 am

CRGuy and O Stoma Mia make good points, as always. The thing that stuck out to me is that you said you had a CT last week but won’t get the results til appointment in a couple weeks. I would have thought if there was anything alarming then they would have called you in, so keep that in mind.

You can’t change anything between now and the colonoscopy so don’t try and dwell on it. That’s easier said than done, I know, and I have anxiety about my cans and scope coming up next week and the week after as well but I’m just doing the usual to keep my mind occupied.

I’m sure all will be fine and as CRGuy says, one step at a time.

AAC
Dx Oct '15 w/ Stage 3c RC
Nov '15 - Jan '16: 3x FOLFOX and 5wks Chemoradiation w/ Xeloda
March '16: ULAR w/ temp ileostomy
Complete pathological response incl 0/12 nodes
April '16: Clear CT (NED)
May - Aug '16: 9x FOLFOX (dropped Oxaliplatin for final Rd due to neuropathy)
Dec '16: Clear CT (NED)
Feb '17: Ileostomy reversed
Aug '17: Clear CT (NED)
Feb ‘18: Clear CT (NED)

Blog: kickingrectalcancerintheassblog
https://kickingrectalcancerintheassblog.wordpress.com/

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CRguy
Posts: 9566
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Feel I need to give up before starting

Postby CRguy » Wed Feb 07, 2018 2:42 am

You know I didn't really know where to throw my own personal thoughts into this topic
BUTT maybe this .... THIS IS the right place .... ?

sandyw
my Sensei once said something which I carry with me ... always
"You are not finished when you lose. You are finished when you quit."
Sensei Masaru Shintani

This forum, where I have been a member since Feb. 08/2008 or so,
IS THE best CRC support forum anywhere, anyhow, anytime
because I have been around for a while online and know what is out there
and Iove using this topic for saying this

we have a new member looking for support and feeling really low
IMMEDIATELY folks jump in to support her
she and we have started a dialogue which WILL support and help her

This IS the greatest support forum around
I could not have thrived as a survivor without it
and I will do everything I can to make sure everyone else who needs us feels the same
BUTT it ain't just me

IT IS US ... ALL of us

AND we are NOT finished,
and we do not quit

WORD !!!!!
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
11 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

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juliej
Posts: 2849
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:59 pm

Re: Feel I need to give up before starting

Postby juliej » Thu Feb 08, 2018 7:28 pm

I hear more than worry about cancer in your post. I hear someone who feels like she's alone and that no one is listening to her. The colonoscopy and CT scan should provide answers about whether or not you have cancer, but actually I'm more concerned about your spirit than your body. You deserve to be listened to by your doctors. You deserve to have caring supportive people in your life that you can lean on right now. You say you have your husband, 1-2 friends, and your children. Be honest with them. Explain that you need their support right now to get through this because you feel completely depleted. Let them take care of you in their own unique ways, but don't be afraid to ask if you need something specific. The people who love you want to help you, so let them know what would help the most.

Illness in any form, cancer or something else, is draining, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Here are some things I've learned from my journey in the cancer world.

1. Trust your gut. If you feel like something is wrong, push your doctors (or find new doctors) until someone listens to you.

2. Remember: You are not alone. You say you have your husband, 1-2 friends, and your children. Lean on them. Explain that you need their support right now in the worst possible way. Also, lean on us. It's weirdly comforting to know that you have dozens of new friends right here waiting to help you -- not in a misery-loves-company way, but in an inspirational they-came-out-the-other-side-and-so-will-I sort of way.

3. Connect with something bigger. Go for a walk outside, meditate, whatever brings you happiness. Just getting your mind off your situation for a few hours is calming and centering. There's a lot to be said for distracting yourself while you're waiting for test results.

4. Getting any kind of control of this situation will make you feel better. Go for the tests and ask when the results will be available. Then ask for copies of all test results. If it is cancer, we can help you get through it.

5. Be good to yourself. Try to do something you enjoy every day. That might mean watching a favorite tv show, reading, or taking a long bath. Doing anything that produces a positive emotion can decrease stress hormones and build emotional strength.

6. Don't forget that every day counts. Once you've done everything you can do to get the ball rolling (colonoscopy, CT scan, CEA test, etc. ), then there is absolutely nothing that worrying about it will do for you, except suck the joy out of every moment. Don't waste time worrying about what might or might not happen. Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest.

Hope this helps!
Juliej
Stage IV, liver/lung mets 8/4/2010
Xelox+Avastin 8/18/10 to 10/21/11
LAR, liver resec, HAI pump 11/11
Double lung surgery + ileo reversal 2/12
Adjuvant Xeloda 3-9/12
VATS rt. lung 12/21/12 - benign granuloma!
NED 3/17/12 to 7/13/2018, CEA<1

Utwo
Posts: 203
Joined: Mon May 23, 2016 10:14 am
Location: T.O.

Re: Feel I need to give up before starting

Postby Utwo » Thu Feb 08, 2018 7:50 pm

sandyw wrote:New to group,I think my first message didn't post. I am 51, been having symptoms for months and months. I have been waiting,waiting and waiting to be heard.I have been to my doctor,hospital,urgent care so many times I've lost count, trying to get someone to listen to me and run tests(endoscope Sept ok) I feel unheard and dismissed.
Are you from Canada?
Typically in the US they jump right away and push you through as many tests as your insurance can pay for.

sandyw wrote:I feel this is colon cancer (due to symptoms) ....
Statistically speaking most people who come to this forum with similar symptoms are not getting their "cancer diagnosis" confirmed by subsequent tests.

sandyw wrote:... which is now also in my right lung.
Colon cancer typically doesn't grow that fast in lungs. Most likely this is something else.
Anyway, you need to wait just two weeks for a more definitive answer.
Typically after colonoscopy they inform you right away if they see something resembling cancer.
58 yo male at diagnosis - T1bN0, 0/15 lymph nodes, low grade/moderately differentiated adenocarcinoma
03/2016 colonoscopy #1: 2 small polyps removed in left colon; CEA = 1.3
04/2016 colonoscopy #2: caecum sessile 3.5 cm polyp piecemeal removed with kind of clear margins
05/2016 CT scan, blood test ...
05/2016 "prophylactic" laparoscopic right hemicolectomy with a few complications (bleeding, leak, infection)
06/2017 CT scan (lower body), colonoscopy OK; CEA = 1.6

henry123
Posts: 120
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 3:25 am

Re: Feel I need to give up before starting

Postby henry123 » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:39 am

A few years ago in my late 20s , I was feeling unwell a lot . There were lot of strange symptoms like craving for cold foods, flatulence and rotten meat taste in my mouth.
No one including family would really listen or understand. One family physician even put a remark about being depressed and delusional.
One day a gynaecologist friend remarked that I seemed a bit down. When I poured my heart out , she went with me to the family physician and demanded an endoscopy.
It turned out that I had ulcers due to h pylori infection possibly for a few years.
Six weeks of antibiotics ended years of suffering and humility and everything was great till I was hit by this sidewinder of CRC a few years later.
So listen to your body , you know more about it than anyone else.
Always be optimistic and things will fall in place.
46yo M
5/16 lap AR 14/21 L nodes +ve
T4N2M1
7/16 Capox 9 cyc
9/16 cea 2
1/17 550
PET CT mets in lung & peri
iri+ avast fail
3/17 10577
msi-h Lynch
4/17 regro fail
5/17 cea 28800
5/17 CT inc in size of mes nodes , new onset of multi nodules in liver.
6/17 Opdivo start
7/17 26754
8/17 5623
9/17 497
10/17 52
11/17 12
CT all clear exc a nodule in Lung. liver normal
1/18 3.6
2/18 2.3
4/18 2.0
opdivo continue
Aspirin start
6/18 1.5 CT clear
8/18 1.3
NED
Vegan yoga juicing apricot


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