Well, hell.

[Robino1]

You are not terrible.

We all deal with things in our own way. We grieve the loss of our innocence in regards to cancer. Nothing will ever be the same and there is defining line of before cancer and after cancer diagnosis.

Can you just tell hubby that you just want to cry without words and that all you need are his arms to hold you secure in your grief? We know they can't fix this for us, we just sometimes need to held.

I wish I were there to just hold you and let you get it out. {{{{hugs}}}}

[Caat55]

I get this totally. It is fatigueing holding it together, frustrating and yes it makes you sick. I can't believe how good ranting feels so rant away, we can take it.
We got you

Susan

[heiders33]

I’ve definitely held back telling my family how I really feel. I also remind myself that they probably have their own feelings that they aren’t revealing. We’re mostly just trying to get through treatment but I don’t know how I’ll be when I’m done.

[JennPixie]

Thanks y'all. It feels better, knowing I'm not alone.
I think I've also been internalizing the loss of my inner-girly-parts coz they were problematic. In one surgery, I had a take down, reattatchment, removing some suspicious bits, doing the illeostomy, fixing a hernia, fixing some BAD adhesions, and a hysterectomy. DAMN that's a lot! My surgeons were busy with me! Main one said I couldn't just be easy on anything, lol!

Anyway. There's a messed up rollercoaster of everything in my head right now. Gonna be a >fun< visit to the oncologist on Friday...




*after which I'll start fixing my sig to include all what's going on with me.

[Shana]

Hope your visit to oncologist helps settle things down for you some. I can only imagine what your body and hormones must be feeling with all those surgeries!

Take care, hope to get updates once you have a clear plan moving forward.

We're all here for you! ❤️

All the best,

Shana

[henry123]

I so totally agree.
I am almost fine now physically but have a hard time mentally getting back to my work routine.
After two years of roller coaster medical ride, I am still to be my original hardworking self.
It is difficult explaining situation to myself let alone others including kids and family.
What do I want in future?Ambition for Success or just satisfaction at being alive .
Should I feel guilty if I am once more hungry for professional battles or is that being ungrateful ?

[O Stoma Mia]

... after which I'll start fixing my sig to include all what's going on with me.

Good luck on your meeting with the doctor tomorrow, and thanks in advance for eventually updating your signature. This will help folks here understand where you have been on your journey and where you might be heading in the future.

Remember, there's a limit of 512 characters (including spaces) for a signature, so you might have to use some abbreviations if you want to tell the whole story.

To create or update a signature, click on the link below. You can have up to 512 characters (including spaces)in your signature..

ucp.php?i=ucp_profile&mode=signature

Some items that you could include in your signature are given below:

Age & Sex
DX: Rectalcancer (RC) or Colon Cancer (CC)
Location: If RC, then upper, middle or lower rectum ,and distance from anal verge. If CC, then ascending colon, hepatic flexure, transverse colon, splenic flexure,descending colon, sigmoid colon, recto-sigmoid junction, etc.
Tumor type: Adenocarcinoma; villous adenoma; signet ring-cell carcinoma, etc.
Tumor size (in mm or cm)
Tumor grade:

G1: Well differentiated (low grade)
G2: Moderately differentiated (intermediate grade)
G3: Poorly differentiated (high grade)
G4: Undifferentiated (high grade)

TNM code: e,g, T3N0M0, etc
Stage : Stage I, Stage II, Stage III or Stage IV (with subscript, if applicable)
Positive lymph nodes: eg., X positive out of Y sampled.
Mets: Location of metastases, if any (e.g., mets to liver, mets to lungs, etc)
Baseline CEA value (if known)
Lymphovascular invasion (if known): present vs. absent
Perineural invasion (if known): present vs. absent
Surgical margins: clear or involved
MSI status (if known)
Lynch status (if known)
KRAS/BRAF status (if known)
Primary surgery type:

LAR, ULAR, TME, APR, Laparascopic vs. open resection, polypectomy, proctosigmoidectory, colectomy, hemi-colectomy, sigmoid-colectomy, etc...

Ostomy surgery: Ileostomy, or colostomy, or no ileo surgery
Radiation therapy (if any): Chemo/rad
Chemotherapy (if any): e.g., XELOX, CAPEOX, FOLFOX, etc.

[JennPixie]

Wow! That's a lot of info... I'm taking my tablet with me so I don't forget something!

Thanks all for the understanding, support, and your own moments of concern, etc...

Now I'm trying to work out the dreams where I feel like I'm suffocating. Past few nights when I dream, it starts off normal, then a turn in the action ends up with me getting smothered and I feel myself unable to take a breath...
I wake up scared to go back to sleep, coz I don't want to feel myself suffocating again.

>ugh<
Not trying to decipher the imagery, that's all too obvious. Just trying to figure out how to not go there when I sleep

[Lee]

Good luck with your visit, hope it was informative.

Thinking of you,

Lee

[JennPixie]

Getting the port done tomorrow. Getting my first treatment on Valentine's Day.
"Happy Valentine's Day! Have a chemo treatment!"

Well, at least I can enjoy some of my hubby's birthday cake before then, lol.

For those getting FOLFOX, how's the side effects been? My dr. Says I shouldn't have too much issue w/nausea, and gave me a prescription for if I do start feeling sick. "Don't wait, thinking it will pass. If you catch it right away, you can knock it out before it gets too bad. But really, you shouldn't have too much trouble..."

What's been y'alls experience.?.

[AussieAssCancer]

A happy Valentine’s Day indeed

On a positive though - it’s good to be starting on the juice to punish that node!

I was lucky and tolerated FOLFOX pretty well. Definitely drink a heap of water before and during, and my advice is start and finish each day with a Maxalon to keep the nausea. That way it never starts in the first place. They can give you a script for something stronger if that doesn’t work butt I reckon you’ll be sweet.

Main side effect for me was fatigue, which kicked in 2 days after disconnect. Rest up and you’ll bounce back just in time for the next round LOL

All the best,

AAC