The Colon Club

Just finished chemo last night. Took those pills and thought to myself, ok, this is done. Now starts the watching and waiting. On the outside, I am happy for this milestone. On the inside, I wonder if I am deluding myself. I really just want to enjoy this... does one ever feel free after cancer?

I remember the last night I took my Xeloda...it was a mixed feeling just like you stated. I am 8 months out and still worry and get nervous every time I have blood work or a scan. Hoping to hear the word "cured" at the 5 year mark.

Congratulations.

I can't wait for the day.

I am over 2 years out from finishing treatment and it is always in my head. I am so thankful I am cancer free and for the most part have done pretty well, but I don't think we are ever free from cancer. Talking to my survivorship nurse and oncology therapist helped. I am hoping the further out I get the easier it will become so long as there are not any recurrences or issues that arise. I remember how great it felt to take those last xeloda pills, congratulations!

What a great milestone. Congratulations .

Cheers to you. Can't wait for that day.
S

menreeq wrote:Just finished chemo last night. Took those pills and thought to myself, ok, this is done. Now starts the watching and waiting. On the outside, I am happy for this milestone. On the inside, I wonder if I am deluding myself. I really just want to enjoy this... does one ever feel free after cancer?

I *so* remember that day. The whole time I was taking Xeloda all I kept thinking was "I can't wait to be done with this crap!" Then I was, and all I could think was, "Now what?" I felt like suddenly I was no longer actively fighting the cancer. Oi. <:- )

All I can say is to take it day by day. At some point, you'll look up and realize you haven't thought about it for a while. Life has a way of settling back into a rhythm. That doesn't mean you won't have plenty of moments where you think about it, but the moments when you don't think about it will start to increase. Until scan time...

I'm glad you're done with that part of your journey. Focus on healing your body after having hit it with that crappy chemo. I celebrated by adopting a kitty. I call her my end-of-chemo-kitty. She's persian, so she's a grumpy kitty. I have to laugh when I look at her cute, grumpy little smushed up face. Things like that made it better for me. Distraction. Redirect. Change of focus.

Will keep you in prayers.
Smiles and hugs,
Tracy

menreeq wrote:Just finished chemo last night. Took those pills and thought to myself, ok, this is done. Now starts the watching and waiting. On the outside, I am happy for this milestone. On the inside, I wonder if I am deluding myself. I really just want to enjoy this... does one ever feel free after cancer?

Congrats. That's a huge milestone that I remember well! I won't lie to you. I still think about cancer a lot and sometimes do the "what if it comes back" routine in my head BUT I can go long periods without thinking about cancer at all. That was unthinkable a few years ago. I'm living a great life now and try to appreciate it.