menreeq wrote:Just finished chemo last night. Took those pills and thought to myself, ok, this is done. Now starts the watching and waiting. On the outside, I am happy for this milestone. On the inside, I wonder if I am deluding myself. I really just want to enjoy this... does one ever feel free after cancer?
I *so* remember that day. The whole time I was taking Xeloda all I kept thinking was "I can't wait to be done with this crap!" Then I was, and all I could think was, "Now what?" I felt like suddenly I was no longer actively fighting the cancer. Oi. <:- )
All I can say is to take it day by day. At some point, you'll look up and realize you haven't thought about it for a while. Life has a way of settling back into a rhythm. That doesn't mean you won't have plenty of moments where you think about it, but the moments when you don't think about it will start to increase. Until scan time...
I'm glad you're done with that part of your journey. Focus on healing your body after having hit it with that crappy chemo. I celebrated by adopting a kitty. I call her my end-of-chemo-kitty. She's persian, so she's a grumpy kitty. I have to laugh when I look at her cute, grumpy little smushed up face. Things like that made it better for me. Distraction. Redirect. Change of focus.
Will keep you in prayers.
Smiles and hugs,