The Colon Club

Little Johnny sat in class. The teacher asked "If there are 3 birds on a wire and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Johnny raised his hand. "The answer is 0, cause the other 2 would fly away."
"Well Johnny," the teacher replied. "The correct answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Johnny said, "Let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting in an ice cream parlor with ice cream cones, 1 is licking her ice cream, the other is biting her ice cream and the third is sucking her ice cream. Which one of these women is married?"
The teacher was very nervous but finally responded, "I don't know Johnny, the one sucking her ice cream."
Johnny smiled and nodded. "Actually it's the one with a ring on her finger.......but I like the way you think."

My friend says to me: "what rhymes with orange" I said: "no it doesn't"

I just found out I was colour blind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

My dogs tail fell off last week, so I took him to walmart. I heard they're one of the biggest retailers in the world.

Why do golfers wear two pairs of underwear?
In case they get a hole in one.

The lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster

Dayum, peanut, I'm never going to be able to look at a toaster again.

A blastfart from the past............

You know you’ve had a colon resection if…
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=7724

-when you have gas the dog walks out of the room
-When your friend's 3 year old tells you her baby sister pooped all over herself that morning, you say, "Me too!!"
- if you go to the doc and don't expose your chest or butt you feel cheated

Fifty Ways to Leave Your Cancer
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=5444&p=41454#p41454

Try a new scan, Stan
A 5fu pack, Jack
A little more oxi, Roxie
Just listen to me

You need a new med, Ted
A clinical trial, Kyle
You don't have to progress, Les
Just get yourself free

edit 9/9/18 refreshed image

Just 18 weeks until Christmas.........