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Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 5:00 am
by Bitochen
Not sure if this is what you're looking for, but I've been reading this quote every day for a week, and every day it makes me grin.

"Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, “Dear Jim: I loved your card.” Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.” That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it." :D

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 8:11 am
by Chickspeed
My story is brief but I think it's funny.
I went to a local hardware/tire store named after my country (Canada)
I was totally lost as I wondered around the store looking for finish nails.
One of the employees came by and asked my if I needed some help finding something
a man about 18 years old. I asked him if they sold finish nails, he spun around as if going to take me to them and
stopped, then looked at me puzzled and replied no... I think all of our nails are Canadian...

I thanked him and let him go about his business..

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:53 am
by Robino1
Chickspeed wrote:My story is brief but I think it's funny.
I went to a local hardware/tire store named after my country (Canada)
I was totally lost as I wondered around the store looking for finish nails.
One of the employees came by and asked my if I needed some help finding something
a man about 18 years old. I asked him if they sold finish nails, he spun around as if going to take me to them and
stopped, then looked at me puzzled and replied no... I think all of our nails are Canadian...

I thanked him and let him go about his business..


BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Now that ^^^ is funny!!!

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:05 pm
by peanut_8
A man decides to quit his job and run away to join a pirate crew.

After spending a few hours at the dock, he sees a man who has a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch; the man is obviously a pirate captain. The man promptly joins the captains crew and they ship out to sea that very day.

Later that night, the man walks up to the captain and says “I’m sorry, but I just can’t hold back anymore. How did you get your peg leg?”

The captain says “arr, ‘twas me first day at sea as a young lad. A great big swell came from the sea and knocked me overboard. Before me crew could pull me out, a giant one eyed fish swam up and bit off me leg.”

The man goes “That sounds terrible! What happened to your hand?”

The captain says “arr, ‘twas me second day at sea. Another great big swell came from the sea and knocked me overboard. Before me crew could pull me up, the giant one eyed fish swam up and bit off my hand.”

The man tells the captain it sounds like the fish has it out for him, and asks what happens to his eye.

The Captain says “arr, ‘twas me third day at see. I was looking up at the sky when a bird came and shat in me eye”
The man says “and that’s how you lost your eye?”

The captain responds “no, but twas me first day with the hook”

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2018 12:22 am
by risto
From the humor - I mean training - department of Genesis Health, a 10-county, bi-state region of the Quad Cities metropolitan area and the surrounding communities of Iowa and Illinois, comes this gem with a hook and a beat.

The proper cleaning technique for ports, sublavians and PICCs. Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdXmPgkcj5o

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:33 am
by Maggie Nell
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Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:27 pm
by SteveNZ
Story when I was young......
I was always taught from a young age to tell the truth and never lie.

Well our family was invited over, by a nice old lady from church, for a meal.
Now it tasted awful..... True?!
Then she asked me what I thought of it and I truthfully replied that it was pretty awful.
Well for some reason Mum and Dad were pretty angry and Dad demanded that I apologise.
Huh......???????
I thought about things and replied my best sharing '..I am sorry it was so awful...!' :D :lol:

Fortunately for me she laughed and laughed... but I was in the dog box for a bit.

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2018 2:03 am
by Maggie Nell
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Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2018 5:43 pm
by teresajj1
peanut_8 wrote:A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO COSTCO!!

Yesterday I was at Costco, buying a large bag of
Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen,
the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a
woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an
elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on
impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I
probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but
that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet
and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with
Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and
I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically
everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped
to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

Well, I thought the guy behind her was going to have
a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch
what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to
think of crazy things to say.

Thanks for the laugh Mr. Case. :mrgreen:


I JUST LAUGHED SO HARD I CRIED! THANK YOU

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2018 7:44 pm
by peanut_8
A strange twist of fate has Hillary Clinton, George W. Bush, and Donald Trump alone together sharing tips for improving consumer satisfaction.

George, being the good Texan that he is, states that he could throw $100 out the window and make someone happy.

Donald, always the smug New Yorker, pipes in that he could throw ten $10 bills out and make 10 people happy.

Hillary smirks, and says that she could throw one BILL out the window, and make 100's of millions happy.

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:34 pm
by mobrouser

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2018 9:06 pm
by Maggie Nell
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Edit 9/9/18 refreshed image

Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2018 7:12 am
by Maggie Nell
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Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:05 pm
by Maggie Nell
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Re: We Need Some Laughs Here: Reloaded 2018

Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:31 pm
by Maggie Nell
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