O/T Need to vent

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Aqx99
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Location: Pfafftown, NC

O/T Need to vent

Postby Aqx99 » Sat Nov 11, 2017 10:30 am

As you all know, my husband and I are separated. Unfortunately for me, the van he drives is in my name because he did not have the money or the credit in order to be able to finance the van himself. So even though he no longer lives with me, he and his van are still on my car insurance policy. Last night he texted me very casually that he had been in another car accident and it was his fault. He was in an accident in August that was also his fault, and back in 2016 he totaled his previous van. So that makes for 3 accidents in less than 2 years, plus a speeding ticket. I just know that the insurance company is going to drop us after this. They sent us a letter recently that was sort of a veiled warning of that, because it listed his 2 accidents and speeding ticket on it. So now I am stuck having to call and beg not to be dropped on Monday, which is also my infusion day. I'm sort of hoping the van gets totaled, because that would remove it from the equation and also remove him from my insurance, since there would be no need for him to be on the insurance if he is not driving my vehicle. I really did not need all of this hassle as I start another chemo cycle.
Anne, 40
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx, 6 Cycles
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal

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susie0915
Posts: 438
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Facebook Username: Susan DeGrazia Hostetter
Location: Michigan

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby susie0915 » Sat Nov 11, 2017 10:48 am

I'm so sorry. This just sucks. Some people are just always going to be irresponsible. I hope you can get him off your insurance for good. It would be one more step to get him out of your life. Try not to let this stress you for your treatment on Monday as that is your number one priority. I am praying for you and know that you are going to come through this stronger. Hugs.
58 yr old mother of 3 Dx @ 55
5/15 DX T3N0MO/ 2A
6/15 5 wks of chemo/rad
7/15 sigmoidoscopy/scar tissue left
8/15 Pet scan NED
9/15 LAR
0/24 nodes
10/15 Bowel blockage. 3 1/2 weeks in hospital,early ileo rev since
surgery to repair blockage. c-diff inf :(
12/15 6 rds of xelox
5/16 Clear CT lung scarring/inflammation
9/16 clear colonoscopy
4/17 CT 4mm lung nod onc thinks scar tissue
monitored for autoimmune disorder/interstitial lung disease
7/17 no change lung nodule
10/17 Clear CT

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peanut_8
Posts: 2163
Joined: Sun May 25, 2014 1:31 pm
Location: Capital of Texas

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby peanut_8 » Sat Nov 11, 2017 12:35 pm

Anne, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this crap while you're sick. I have seen people with similar problem post on reddit. I'm going to link a couple of subreddits that may be helpful.

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/

Best Wishes,
peanut

edit

apparently there is a subedit for insurance issues also

https://www.reddit.com/r/Insurance/
Terri aka peanut
diagnosed Jan 14, RC stage 2a, age 56
permanent colostomy
MSS
April 14, 28 chemo/rad with Xeloda
June 14 adjuvant Xeloda 6 rounds
currently NED

Aqx99
Posts: 245
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby Aqx99 » Sun Nov 12, 2017 1:14 pm

Today he told me that he got a rental car through the insurance company. That's all I need, him crashing a rental car.
Anne, 40
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx, 6 Cycles
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal

weisssoccermom
Posts: 5754
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 2:32 pm
Location: Pacific NW

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby weisssoccermom » Sun Nov 12, 2017 1:50 pm

We were once in the position where we had to remove our son from our insurance or have the entire family forced into a high risk group, simply because of one accident. Fortunately, we were able to change insurance with no problems. I don't understand WHY you just don't drop him from your insurance. YOU have the right to do that...it happens all the time and your insurance will likely offer you that option.
My advice....get him off of the insurance....NOW! Call your insurance company and tell them you are dropping him from your insurance AND signing a legal statement that you no longer give him permission (this is important) to drive your car. IF the insurance company doesn't total the van, take it back. If he has left you what obligation do you feel to allow him to drive the van? If it's in YOUR name and YOU are financially responsible for it, then YOU need to take the appropriate action and get the van back AND take him off the insurance policy.
May sound mean BUT.....you need to look after you.
Dx 6/22/2006 IIA rectal cancer
6 wks rad/Xeloda -finished 9/06
1st attempt transanal excision 11/06
11/17/06 XELOX 1 cycle
5 months Xeloda only Dec '06 - April '07
10+ blood clots, 1 DVT 1/07
transanal excision 4/20/07 path-NO CANCER CELLS!
NED now and forever!
Perform random acts of kindness

Aqx99
Posts: 245
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby Aqx99 » Sun Nov 12, 2017 2:14 pm

weisssoccermom wrote:We were once in the position where we had to remove our son from our insurance or have the entire family forced into a high risk group, simply because of one accident. Fortunately, we were able to change insurance with no problems. I don't understand WHY you just don't drop him from your insurance. YOU have the right to do that...it happens all the time and your insurance will likely offer you that option.
My advice....get him off of the insurance....NOW! Call your insurance company and tell them you are dropping him from your insurance AND signing a legal statement that you no longer give him permission (this is important) to drive your car. IF the insurance company doesn't total the van, take it back. If he has left you what obligation do you feel to allow him to drive the van? If it's in YOUR name and YOU are financially responsible for it, then YOU need to take the appropriate action and get the van back AND take him off the insurance policy.
May sound mean BUT.....you need to look after you.


I would love to take the van back and remove him from my insurance, except then I would be stuck paying on the van at that point. The van was only put in my name because he couldn't get a loan for it. We had an agreement when it was purchased that he would pay for the van, since it was meant to be his. It is also his livelihood. If he can't work, he can't pay back the money he owes me.
Anne, 40
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx, 6 Cycles
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal

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Maggie Nell
Posts: 655
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby Maggie Nell » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:22 am

These accidents he keeps having, are other road users being injured? Sure hope he doesn't kill
somebody or backs over a kid on a bicycle.....
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour found upon emergency r. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX

MissMolly
Posts: 423
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2015 4:33 pm
Location: Portland, Ore

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby MissMolly » Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:28 am

Aqx99:
I understand your compassion for not wanting to leave your husband “high and dry” in hesitating to take claim of the van and remove him from your insurance policy.

But I hear a loud cacophony of loud warning bells. Danger. Danger.

You need to act to protect YOU from possible financial risk associated with his repeated record of poor and inattentive driving.

Take possession of the van. It is your legal right to do so as your name, and your name only, is on the title. Sell the van. Finance the remainder of the balance due, if need be. But at least you can be risk free and sleep at night. Anything you may owe on the van will be far less than a law suit if your husband should have another accident and cause bodily harm or damage to personal property.

“Three strikes and you are out” is the law in many states for serious moving violations. Take a similar view with your husband. He has had multiple opportunities to prove himself responsible and focus on his responsibilities as a driver. He has failed to do so. Driving is a privilege and not an inherent right.

Your husband can employ Uber or Lyft to get him to and from work. He can call upon the services of a cab. He can carpool with co-workers at his place of work. He can take the bus or other public transportation. It is high time for your husband to take self-responsibility.

I worry for you and for your personal liability with retaining the van and your husband on your insurance policy.
Karen
Devoted daughter to my father, diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer Nov-2014.
Dear friend to Bella Piazza, former CC member.
I have a permanent ileostomy and offer advice on living with an ostomy.
I have been on Palliative Care for broad endocrine failure + Addison's disease + osteonecrosis of both hips/jaw + immunosuppression and recurrent infection x 4 years. I transitioned to Hospice Sept-2016, but it was not yet my time. I am back on Palliative Care and live a simple life due to frail health.

Aqx99
Posts: 245
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby Aqx99 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 3:17 pm

Everybody around me tells me that I am being way too nice to him. He is a delivery driver and needs a vehicle. I truly do hope they total the van. I have gap coverage, so I won't have to pay anything more after it is totaled. And he and the van will finally be off my insurance.
Anne, 40
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx, 6 Cycles
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal

Lee
Posts: 5258
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby Lee » Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:33 pm

(((Aqx99)))

I am so sorry you have to deal with all this sh+t. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. As others have said, maybe getting the van back, cutting your losses may be your best path, BEFORE he does more damage to your rating or hurts someone. MAYBE then, he just might grow up.

all the best to you,

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

DarknessEmbraced
Posts: 2832
Joined: Sat Nov 01, 2014 4:54 pm
Facebook Username: Riann Fletcher
Location: New Brunswick, Canada

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby DarknessEmbraced » Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:20 pm

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and hope things work out well for you!*hugs*
Diagnosed 10/28/14, age 36
Colon Resection 11/20/14, LAR (no illeo)
Stage 2a colon cancer, T3NOMO
Lymph-vascular invasion undetermined
0/22 lymph nodes
No chemo, no radiation
Clear Colonoscopy 04/29/15
NED 10/20/15
Ischemic Colitis 01/21/16
NED 11/10/16
CT Scan moved up due to high CEA 08/21/17
NED 09/25/17

Aqx99
Posts: 245
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby Aqx99 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:02 pm

I got an email from my insurance company today. They are totaling the van. This means I can get him off my insurance! I'm going to call my insurance company tomorrow to make sure everything gets done.
Anne, 40
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx, 6 Cycles
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal

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susie0915
Posts: 438
Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2017 8:17 am
Facebook Username: Susan DeGrazia Hostetter
Location: Michigan

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby susie0915 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:13 am

Oh that's great news. One more thing you will not have to worry about while going through treatment.
58 yr old mother of 3 Dx @ 55
5/15 DX T3N0MO/ 2A
6/15 5 wks of chemo/rad
7/15 sigmoidoscopy/scar tissue left
8/15 Pet scan NED
9/15 LAR
0/24 nodes
10/15 Bowel blockage. 3 1/2 weeks in hospital,early ileo rev since
surgery to repair blockage. c-diff inf :(
12/15 6 rds of xelox
5/16 Clear CT lung scarring/inflammation
9/16 clear colonoscopy
4/17 CT 4mm lung nod onc thinks scar tissue
monitored for autoimmune disorder/interstitial lung disease
7/17 no change lung nodule
10/17 Clear CT

Lee
Posts: 5258
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby Lee » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:53 am

Aqx99 wrote: . . . Last night he texted me very casually that he had been in another car accident and it was his fault. He was in an accident in August that was also his fault, and back in 2016 he totaled his previous van. . .


So glad to read they will total the van, butt geez, 2 vans in less than 2 yrs. That is not a history anybody would want. Glad it will not be your problem much longer.

What about the rental car he is driving?

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

Aqx99
Posts: 245
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: O/T Need to vent

Postby Aqx99 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:18 am

Lee wrote:
Aqx99 wrote: . . . Last night he texted me very casually that he had been in another car accident and it was his fault. He was in an accident in August that was also his fault, and back in 2016 he totaled his previous van. . .


So glad to read they will total the van, butt geez, 2 vans in less than 2 yrs. That is not a history anybody would want. Glad it will not be your problem much longer.

What about the rental car he is driving?

Lee


The insurance company will demand he return the rental now that the van has been totaled. They did the same thing the last time. I spoke with my insurance company this morning and was relieved to find out that they follow the driver when it comes to the points when determining premiums. That means that once he and his bad driving record are off the policy, my premium should drop considerably. I just paid the 6 month premium in August, I would not be surprised if they tell me I'm covered for a year or more.
Anne, 40
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx, 6 Cycles
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal


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