Thank you all!! It's been an emotional journey with lots of ups and downs. I can tell you this is the closest I've been with my mom in over many many years. She really really depends on me for everything and TRUSTS me with all medical needs and decision. She was so worried yesterday I told her to take an Ativan (dr. prescribed) before bed and it really helped her sleep thank goodness. I just want to spend a lot of time with her and take her on a trip sometime soon. Wondering if she could travel taking Xeloda out of the country? She has always mentioned that she wants to go to Japan again to see her relatives. Who knows, maybe we can take a family trip to Alaska on an Alaskan cruise, something that my 83 year old father has always wanted to do. Well, my throat is starting to ache (ya know the kind of hurt cause you are so worried and scared feeling aka lump in throat)
I remember feeling this way when my husband I had our separation and I haven't felt this way since.
I found an interesting read about why your throat hurts when you hold in your cry. Interesting.. https://www.quora.com/What-causes-the-p ... ght-crying
" Emotions such as sorrow, fear, or anger are translated as stress to the autonomic nervous system, because the only causes of these emotions in our primitive mammalian ancestors were stressful situations. All mammals (and most other vertebrates) have developed a "Fight or Flight" response to danger, which gives the individual the speed to run, or the strength to fight, when attacked by another animal. To accomplish this, the stress of being attacked triggers the autonomic nervous system to increase the flow of oxygen and sugar to the muscles, so that they can be used more actively.
The increase in oxygen is accomplished at several levels: blood flow to the muscles is increased by making the heart beat harder and faster, and by decreasing blood flow to the internal organs; absorption of oxygen into the blood is increased by making the lungs breath faster; and air intake into the lungs is increased by opening the throat and mouth. The side effects of this are panting, heart pounding, and nausea. In the case of crying, which is the autonomic response to sorrow or grief, most of these effects are easily recognized.
An important part of opening the throat to allow the lungs to get more air involves expanding the glottis - the muscle which controls the opening from the back of the throat (pharynx) into the voice box (larynx) - so that more air can pass through it. So part of the autonomic response of crying is to use throat muscles to open the glottis as wide as possible. This doesn't pose a problem until you want to swallow; swallowing involves closing the glottis, so that food doesn't get into your larynx. So if you try to swallow while you are crying, the muscles for swallowing are fighting against the muscles for crying, and this tug-of-war over the glottis is perceived as a lump behind your larynx which makes it difficult to swallow.
As an aside, the autonomic nervous system has two parts: sympathetic and parasympathetic. These function together much like the gas and brake pedals in a car. The sympathetic nervous system activate the heightened response to stress, and the parasympathetic nervous system reduces stress activity and promotes more recouperative activities. One of the chief purposes of the parasympathetic nervous system is to coordinate and run digestion, which includes swallowing. So the lump in your throat is caused by both the sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves of the throat being activated at the same time"
Anyhow it will be my father and I driving her to the hospital.. my hubby will meet us at noon, then asshole brother who put my parent's home in his name (i just found out a year ago) and my auntie. It is my mom's wishes for my brother and I to be amicable during her cancer treatment, but he chooses not to and won't even allow me to visit my own mother at her home that is now his. He threatened to call the police on me if I came over there, it's been super awful. He even put security cameras around the home and in the home, he is really nuts. His wife filed for divorce and married another man and I do not blame her. I wish he would put aside his differences for my mother but he is very immature. Sorry I had to vent, but he doesn't even help her with anything. He takes my parents social security and pays the mortgage and they are a broke joke. I have tried to report him to APS but they won't do anything. Sorry I am venting. Have a great night people. love hugs and please pray for my mama.. she is the kindest but most stubborn lady on the planet. XO Thank you for listening.
Caregiver/daughter to dear mother age 78, dx 5/09/17 because of me!!
Rectal CA Stage 3 low-grade adenocarcinoma- 6 cm
Neoadjuvant start 7/10/17 ended 08/16/17
3D Lap. surgery @ Keck USC, Dr. Sang Lee 10/17/17 temp ileostomy
11/1 hospitalized abscess/hernia - back home 11/06/17 antibiotics
NO LYMPHS INVOLVED! NEAR PATHOLOGICAL RESPONSE! YAY!
Took her last chemo med 05/10/18! Ileostomy reversal 07/24/18
First BM after reversal 07/25/18
Me: 1st Colonoscopy age 38. 08/17 Benign polp.