Mom's surgery is set for 10/17/17

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NHMike
Posts: 553
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:43 am

Re: Mom's surgery is set for 10/17/17

Postby NHMike » Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:23 pm

ocstacy wrote:
You're mom is ahead of me by one to two weeks (I get a date around October 6 after MRI) and I'm obviously asking the same questions that you are. Your mom sounds like me in not going to hospitals but I've accepted that I may have a permanent or temporary. I may not like or want it but I try to be pragmatic. Best wishes for your mother and I completely understand your prayer parts and I have many to pray for here and elsewhere.


Hi Mike,

Yes I do remember you. How are you doing with the chemo/radiation? Have you by any chance had her last week of radiation? My mom handled the chemo radiation pretty good, but the last week was the most intense for my mom. It was more like the 2-3 weeks after her last treatment that really hit her hard. She said her pain level was a 9 couple weeks after. I felt so bad for her, but now she just camps in the bathroom. For the MRI, she had to do the KY injection in her BUTT, and enema prior. She has lost some weight after the radiation.. like 4 pounds. I told her to keep drinking the Ensure drinks cause she she stopped. Have you lost weight? I am trying to fatten her up for her surgery. The dr. gave us some special "Ensure surgery drink" to take before and on the day of surgery https://ensure.com/nutrition-products/e ... re-surgery Also he wants her to drink Enhanced recovery https://www.nestlehealthscience.us/bran ... d-recovery

Also, she will get a temp ileostomy for 6 months (which I thought was a long time) then have the reversal after that. I sure hope that she is in "less pain" than she is now.
Read:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3604918/

Many prayers to you and everyone. PS) I read about the ilestomy


I finished three weeks ago and things were tough for a little while but I'm in good shape right now. I'm putting on weight but I suspect that it's muscle (have done a lot of strength-training the past week). I will be going through what your mother is going through though I don't know if it's a temp or permanent. I hope that she can gain the weight that she needs for surgery and recovery.
06/23/17: ER rectal bleeding; Colonoscopy+Biopsy
07/13/17: Stage 3B rectal cancer. T3, N1b, M0. 5.2 x 4.5 x 4.3 cm. Lymphs: 6 x 4 mm, 8 x 6 mm, 5 x 5 mm.
Xeloda 3,400 mg/day + radiation 07/31 - 09/08.
CEA 2.7; halfway through treatment: 1.9; after treatment: 1.8.
MSS, KRAS G12D
10/06/17: 2.7 x 2.2 x 1.6 cm (-90%). Lymphs: 3 x 3 mm (-62.5%), 4 x 3 mm (-75%), 5 x 3 mm (-40%). 5.1 CM from AV.
Surgery: 10/30/17 LAR, Temp Ileostomy

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ocstacy
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:29 pm
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Re: Mom's surgery is set for 10/17/17

Postby ocstacy » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:56 pm

I finished three weeks ago and things were tough for a little while but I'm in good shape right now. I'm putting on weight but I suspect that it's muscle (have done a lot of strength-training the past week). I will be going through what your mother is going through though I don't know if it's a temp or permanent. I hope that she can gain the weight that she needs for surgery and recovery.


Mike,

I go through my up's and down's with my mother. She definitely is in more pain and thinks the radiation is doing it's job. She has to take pain med's all the time. She is complaining of pain in her abdomen. I really hope that this surgery will make the pain go away. My mother has definitely changed as far as her health. She just wants to stay in her bedroom all the time, doesn't want to go grocery shopping, nothing. Makes me sad. Her energy has definitely changed. I can't force her to work out or go out. I feel like she is giving up sometimes. Her surgery in 2 weeks and not sure if I am ready for it. I'm nervous as heck and i'm staying strong for her. She told me that she isn't afraid to you know what.. which I don't like hearing that. :( I hope that you will have success with your surgery. I think my mom would benefit with a perm. but she wants a temp. I can't think anymore for her, im exhausted and getting little support from my brother who put my parents home in his name behind my back and my mom's. my dad is older. our family hasn't been close in a long time. My mom just wants my brother and I to talk but my brother won't allow me to come over to my parent's home because it's his home now. A big a big mess. have a great night !
Caregiver/daughter to dear mother age 77, dx 5/09/17 because of me!! :wink:
Rectal CA Stage 3 low-grade adenocarcinoma- 6 cm
Neoadjuv. Chemo/Rad. start 7/10/17 ended 08/16/17
3D Lap. surgery @ Keck USC, Dr. Sang Lee 10/17/17 temp ileostomy
11/1 back @ hospital due 2 abscess/hernia - back home 11/06/17 antibiotics
NO LYMPHS INVOLVED! NEAR PATHOLOGICAL RESPONSE! YAY! :shock:
Chemo Xeloda post-surgery following reversal 2018
Me: Colonoscopy age 38. 08/17 Benign polp.
Hemmy's post partum:roll:

Aqx99
Posts: 249
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: Mom's surgery is set for 10/17/17

Postby Aqx99 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:16 pm

It might help for the both of you to find someone to talk to about all of this. Cancer is a very stressful thing to go through not only for the patient, but for the family as well. Find out if there is a counselor available at your mom's cancer center. I can't remember if you have told me if there is a support group available locally or not. I have found my local support group to be very helpful. I was scared going into all of this. I had no idea if I was going to live or die, what the treatment was going to do to me, etc. Meeting others in the same situation as me has helped immensely. I am particularly inspired by the one rectal cancer survivor in the group that is 12 years NED and going strong, she was 45 at diagnosis. It gives me hope that my medical team know what they are doing and are taking proper care of me. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or just want to talk or vent. I sent my facebook info to your inbox, I'll get a notification if you contact me there. That way I can get back to you sooner.

Stay strong. You and your mom will get through this.
Anne, 40
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx, 6 Cycles
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal

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ocstacy
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:29 pm
Facebook Username: stacy

Re: Mom's surgery is set for 10/17/17

Postby ocstacy » Sun Oct 01, 2017 11:50 pm

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or just want to talk or vent. I sent my facebook info to your inbox, I'll get a notification if you contact me there. That way I can get back to you sooner


Thank you very much. I do feel very alone with this. My husband is supportive but he mainly just says you can't force your mom to do anything, it's her life and if she wants to fight she will fight, if she wants to give up, than you have to accept her wishes.
Caregiver/daughter to dear mother age 77, dx 5/09/17 because of me!! :wink:
Rectal CA Stage 3 low-grade adenocarcinoma- 6 cm
Neoadjuv. Chemo/Rad. start 7/10/17 ended 08/16/17
3D Lap. surgery @ Keck USC, Dr. Sang Lee 10/17/17 temp ileostomy
11/1 back @ hospital due 2 abscess/hernia - back home 11/06/17 antibiotics
NO LYMPHS INVOLVED! NEAR PATHOLOGICAL RESPONSE! YAY! :shock:
Chemo Xeloda post-surgery following reversal 2018
Me: Colonoscopy age 38. 08/17 Benign polp.
Hemmy's post partum:roll:

NHMike
Posts: 553
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:43 am

Re: Mom's surgery is set for 10/17/17

Postby NHMike » Mon Oct 02, 2017 6:09 pm

ocstacy wrote:
I finished three weeks ago and things were tough for a little while but I'm in good shape right now. I'm putting on weight but I suspect that it's muscle (have done a lot of strength-training the past week). I will be going through what your mother is going through though I don't know if it's a temp or permanent. I hope that she can gain the weight that she needs for surgery and recovery.


Mike,

I go through my up's and down's with my mother. She definitely is in more pain and thinks the radiation is doing it's job. She has to take pain med's all the time. She is complaining of pain in her abdomen. I really hope that this surgery will make the pain go away. My mother has definitely changed as far as her health. She just wants to stay in her bedroom all the time, doesn't want to go grocery shopping, nothing. Makes me sad. Her energy has definitely changed. I can't force her to work out or go out. I feel like she is giving up sometimes. Her surgery in 2 weeks and not sure if I am ready for it. I'm nervous as heck and i'm staying strong for her. She told me that she isn't afraid to you know what.. which I don't like hearing that. :( I hope that you will have success with your surgery. I think my mom would benefit with a perm. but she wants a temp. I can't think anymore for her, im exhausted and getting little support from my brother who put my parents home in his name behind my back and my mom's. my dad is older. our family hasn't been close in a long time. My mom just wants my brother and I to talk but my brother won't allow me to come over to my parent's home because it's his home now. A big a big mess. have a great night !


I'm sorry that you have to go through this as an adult taking care of your parent as I see the other side of this too with my wife and kids. I'm working on leaving my family in good shape should I not survive the surgery (there's always a small chance of that happening) and it's also something that I shouldn't fear as I have thought about that a lot. Your mother may have gone through some of the thought processes that I have gone through and she sounds prepared. My mother went through this with her heart attack as the doctors told her that she wouldn't survive the night and she was prepared. She's still around three years later but I suspect that she is prepared to go after that event.

You need to have energy for yourself for the future. My sister's health declined sharply after we worked with our mother on her heart attack. I needed about a year to recover from that as well. You can't be helpful if you're exhausted. My mother has been in the place of having so much pain that she wish that she could end things (due to a fall and dislocation) but it was fixed and she recovered. So I think that you're doing all that you can do. One thing about going through life is that you can't make anyone do anything that they don't want to do. I think that exercise, doing daily routines, etc. is good for the body and the mind. But I have trouble convincing others most of the time of that.

We had help with my mother from social workers - they were able to provide a lot of help for my mother, even with four of us to help her out. Eldercare is a huge amount of work even for more than one. Thank-you for helping to take care of your mother as it's the kind of thing that we should all do.
06/23/17: ER rectal bleeding; Colonoscopy+Biopsy
07/13/17: Stage 3B rectal cancer. T3, N1b, M0. 5.2 x 4.5 x 4.3 cm. Lymphs: 6 x 4 mm, 8 x 6 mm, 5 x 5 mm.
Xeloda 3,400 mg/day + radiation 07/31 - 09/08.
CEA 2.7; halfway through treatment: 1.9; after treatment: 1.8.
MSS, KRAS G12D
10/06/17: 2.7 x 2.2 x 1.6 cm (-90%). Lymphs: 3 x 3 mm (-62.5%), 4 x 3 mm (-75%), 5 x 3 mm (-40%). 5.1 CM from AV.
Surgery: 10/30/17 LAR, Temp Ileostomy

MissMolly
Posts: 423
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2015 4:33 pm
Location: Portland, Ore

Re: Mom's surgery is set for 10/17/17

Postby MissMolly » Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:32 pm

Stacey:
Give thought to giving yourself permission to step back and be less directly involved with your mother. You are feeling your mother’s pain as if it is your own. That level of identification is detrimental to your health and well being.

As unwanted as it may be, this experience with rectal cancer is something that your mother has to “walk” through on her own. You can be with her as a support and confidant, but the experience remains one that she has to work through both physically and emotionally.

Often my mother laments that she feels helpless because she is not able to fix me nor usher me to health. She feels conflicted that she cannot wave a magic wand and make me better. She is tormented by the real possibility that I will precede here in death, a disruption of the normal procession of aging and death and dying.

What I want most from my family is the knowledge that they will be there for me as my needs dictate - physically helping with errands and tasks that may be too taxing for me; emotionally offering a listening ear without unsolicited directives or opinions. Above all, I want them to honor my desire to be as independent for myself as I am capable.

Honor giving your mother time and space to be as independent as she is able to be amidst the care and aide that you are so lovingly providing her. Make sure to make time for self-care for you.

You have a lot of people on this forum wishing both your mother and you a successful upcoming surgery,
Karen
Devoted daughter to my father, diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer Nov-2014.
Dear friend to Bella Piazza, former CC member.
I have a permanent ileostomy and offer advice on living with an ostomy.
I have been on Palliative Care for broad endocrine failure + Addison's disease + osteonecrosis of both hips/jaw + immunosuppression and recurrent infection x 4 years. I transitioned to Hospice Sept-2016, but it was not yet my time. I am back on Palliative Care and live a simple life due to frail health.

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ocstacy
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:29 pm
Facebook Username: stacy

Re: Mom's surgery is set for 10/17/17

Postby ocstacy » Wed Oct 04, 2017 1:17 am

We had help with my mother from social workers - they were able to provide a lot of help for my mother, even with four of us to help her out. Eldercare is a huge amount of work even for more than one. Thank-you for helping to take care of your mother as it's the kind of thing that we should all do.


I forgot to add that my husband and I live and care for my eldery 89 year old uncle. He is in better health than my mom. He graduated hospice and is living the life. He just had his birthday yesterday. I am planning to take a step back and let my mom just live her life. She said that she will go to the movies with me, we will see. I just want her to be strong for her upcoming surgery. I just wish my egocentric brother would swallow his pride and be a little more considerate and understanding with my mom and family. He makes things worst. :twisted: :( Thank you for all the support. hugs
Caregiver/daughter to dear mother age 77, dx 5/09/17 because of me!! :wink:
Rectal CA Stage 3 low-grade adenocarcinoma- 6 cm
Neoadjuv. Chemo/Rad. start 7/10/17 ended 08/16/17
3D Lap. surgery @ Keck USC, Dr. Sang Lee 10/17/17 temp ileostomy
11/1 back @ hospital due 2 abscess/hernia - back home 11/06/17 antibiotics
NO LYMPHS INVOLVED! NEAR PATHOLOGICAL RESPONSE! YAY! :shock:
Chemo Xeloda post-surgery following reversal 2018
Me: Colonoscopy age 38. 08/17 Benign polp.
Hemmy's post partum:roll:


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