Sometimes I just want a day off from all of this...

[Shana]

It's been 9 months since diagnosis and the roller coaster of life with CRC. I feel lucky to still be here but I miss who I used to be.

My life no longer consists of work and the mundance chores that I used to complain about. My life revolves around chemo and bloodwork and scans and doctor appointments like everyone else going through this. I just wish I could have a day off... a fantasy day where I don't have to think about having cancer. I know there's no fix, just needed to vent without upsetting my kids...

[ocstacy]

My life no longer consists of work and the mundance chores that I used to complain about. My life revolves around chemo and bloodwork and scans and doctor appointments like everyone else going through this. I just wish I could have a day off... a fantasy day where I don't have to think about having cancer.

My mom is going through what you are going through. Tom, we find out the results from her MRI w/ contrast. I am nervous as heck. I am glad I have this board for support. Prayers and hugs <3

[NHMike]

I feel the same way. It's also the planning for the future. I'd love to take off a week or two and go someplace and relax but too many appointments coming up. I also have all of this home maintenance to do. I can imagine lots of folks with far bigger problems such as those caused by the recent hurricanes.

[Aqx99]

I know exactly how you feel. I feel like I have been constantly moving since my diagnosis. Time has flown by because of it, but yeah, I'd love to have a day where cancer is not front and center. Even after my chemo is done, until my reversal I will still be thinking about it all the time (and probably for a long time after that, as well!). There were a lot of things I wanted to get done this summer that had to be put on the back burner because of my treatment. Vent away, we all know what you are going through!

[susie0915]

I understand how you all feel. I am 17 months removed from treatment and I still think about it everyday. Dealing with the side effects of treatment don't help. It has gotten better, but every time blood is drawn or a scan is done the anxiety sets in. I'm told the further from treatment the easier it gets. I feel like I'm always having doctor appointments. Now since having ct scans I am being monitored for lung scarring/inflammation by a pulmonologist, and seeing a rheumatologist as it could be an auto immune disorder. So I see a lot of doctors.

I now just try to enjoy the gift of an ordinary day. I used to tell my husband during treatment "I just want my boring life back". I have gotten back to my exercise routine, which helps, and I do not work which is good for me, but can have idle time on my hands. I'm looking into doing some volunteer work. I do appreciate everything more, and don't get upset about little things. We all will not be the same. Cancer does change everything, even when you are cancer free. Good Luck to all of you. I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

[JJH]

.... I just wish I could have a day off...

There ard lots of others here who feel the same way....
https://colonclub.com/one-day-off/

[hany]

I also feel the same thing, being a daughter to my mom who has been diagnosed with rectal cancer. There’s no peace of mind... even if we’re trying to live a normal life, this cancer cannot slip out of our mind. and every scans and blood works is a nerve wrecking to all of us. Cancer is a turning point not only to the patient but to the family as well. Sad reality...

[Shana]

Thank you so much everyone for your support and understanding, I needed that today!

Getting chemo today and trying to get out of my funk today. I talked with the patient coordinator today and told her how I ran into the owner of the hotel that I used to manage. I think that triggered my feeling of loss of my "old life", it reminded me that nothing will be the same again.

I'm going to set up a meeting with the social worker/therapist at the cancer center to help me deal with the feelings that I have.

I'm so glad I found this forum, you are the best cheerleaders and support team!

Shana

[Shana]

.... I just wish I could have a day off...

There ard lots of others here who feel the same way....
https://colonclub.com/one-day-off/

Thank you! This was spot on for me, I totally get how the author feels.

[susie0915]

Thank you so much everyone for your support and understanding, I needed that today!

Getting chemo today and trying to get out of my funk today. I talked with the patient coordinator today and told her how I ran into the owner of the hotel that I used to manage. I think that triggered my feeling of loss of my "old life", it reminded me that nothing will be the same again.

I'm going to set up a meeting with the social worker/therapist at the cancer center to help me deal with the feelings that I have.

I'm so glad I found this forum, you are the best cheerleaders and support team!

Shana

That so funny you are setting up a meeting with the counselor. I just emailed my oncologist last week about talking to a oncology counselor. Even though I am finished with treatment, I still feel I would like to talk to someone. I wish I would've asked during treatment, but I was probably so tired and fatigued I didn't think of it. There are still emotions to deal with after treatment. Being able to adjust to my new normal. People assume because treatment is done and you are currently cancer free everything is good. My oncologist just emailed me back and told me she would have the therapist call me. Good Luck I hope counseling helps. I think it's a good idea.

[DarknessEmbraced]

I'm glad you can meet with the social worker/therapist to talk about how you're feeling!*hugs*

[Aqx99]

Thank you so much everyone for your support and understanding, I needed that today!

Getting chemo today and trying to get out of my funk today. I talked with the patient coordinator today and told her how I ran into the owner of the hotel that I used to manage. I think that triggered my feeling of loss of my "old life", it reminded me that nothing will be the same again.

I'm going to set up a meeting with the social worker/therapist at the cancer center to help me deal with the feelings that I have.

I'm so glad I found this forum, you are the best cheerleaders and support team!

Shana

I was in the chair today, too! I have been having a rough time with some crap my husband has been pulling and the PA noticed. She offered to get the oncology counselor to see me immediately, but I already had an appointment for Wednesday, so I told her I could wait. I think oncology counselors are an underutilized tool for cancer patients. I'm glad you are taking advantage of this wonderful resource.

[NIKMAKMOM]

Hi Shana,

I feel that way everyday, wishing cancer wasn't the center of my life. It's been almost 3 years, 72 chemo treatments and now radioembolization on my liver this week. It is emotionally and physically exhausted. My family is exhausted of it too, though they don't express it as much. For a while I loved sleeping so I could escape it. Then binge watching on Netflix helps to distract as well. I stopped working since I was on chemo regularly and at the time didn't have the energy to continue. I get disability now being a stage 4 terminal cancer patient. My strategy is always planning trips and spending time with family and friends and live every moment when I can. But, the ratcheting down of no longer being who I was is challenging and I hate the 'new normal.' and, at the same time I am so grateful I have come this far. I think we all need and should vent once in a while, it's healthy! OK, that's my venting.
Hugs to all!

[Shana]

Thank you so much everyone for your support and understanding, I needed that today!

Getting chemo today and trying to get out of my funk today. I talked with the patient coordinator today and told her how I ran into the owner of the hotel that I used to manage. I think that triggered my feeling of loss of my "old life", it reminded me that nothing will be the same again.

I'm going to set up a meeting with the social worker/therapist at the cancer center to help me deal with the feelings that I have.

I'm so glad I found this forum, you are the best cheerleaders and support team!

Shana

That so funny you are setting up a meeting with the counselor. I just emailed my oncologist last week about talking to a oncology counselor. Even though I am finished with treatment, I still feel I would like to talk to someone. I wish I would've asked during treatment, but I was probably so tired and fatigued I didn't think of it. There are still emotions to deal with after treatment. Being able to adjust to my new normal. People assume because treatment is done and you are currently cancer free everything is good. My oncologist just emailed me back and told me she would have the therapist call me. Good Luck I hope counseling helps. I think it's a good idea.

Thank you Susie,

I've always felt that I needed to be in control and cancer took that away. First I was too sick to care, then I was too busy regaining my strength and now I find myself in a new place, learning how to live with cancer.

I think it takes someone who doesn't know you (us) to help us learn how to deal with what we've gone through and what is yet to come. The counselor who I will be meeting with told me today, "compassion has a shelf life" and I totally got it. My family and friends care but they can't feel what I feel.

I need to learn how to manage those feelings and move forward with treatment and living life however it presents. Maybe I will find some sense of control again which in turn will give me hope and purpose. I want to be optimistic in spite of everything.

I wish you continued good health and I know that you will get your emotions back to your happy place in time

((( Hugs )))

[Shana]

Thank you so much everyone for your support and understanding, I needed that today!

Getting chemo today and trying to get out of my funk today. I talked with the patient coordinator today and told her how I ran into the owner of the hotel that I used to manage. I think that triggered my feeling of loss of my "old life", it reminded me that nothing will be the same again.

I'm going to set up a meeting with the social worker/therapist at the cancer center to help me deal with the feelings that I have.

I'm so glad I found this forum, you are the best cheerleaders and support team!

Shana

I was in the chair today, too! I have been having a rough time with some crap my husband has been pulling and the PA noticed. She offered to get the oncology counselor to see me immediately, but I already had an appointment for Wednesday, so I told her I could wait. I think oncology counselors are an underutilized tool for cancer patients. I'm glad you are taking advantage of this wonderful resource.

I think today was shit hit the fan day (pardon the pun lol) My husband was an ass this morning when I tried to explain why I felt down in the dumps. He offered up "this is your new normal" which I already know. All I wanted to hear was "I know" because of course he can't fix this. When I told him that I was sorry for venting he said he was used to it and I launched at him because I've tried so hard to remain strong and positive so everyone else could feel better about all of this. Cancer is cruel, it doesn't just hurt us, it hurts those around us. I think counseling is a great idea and I hope it helps both of us!

Take care and (((Hugs)))