My Dad

[Lemondrop]

My dad was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in June of this year. He's 64. He went to the doctor because he was having some bloating and "stomach issues." The gastroenterologist did a colonoscopy and found an obstruction (along with polyps). We scheduled resection surgery to remove the part of the colon that was obstructed (along with lymph nodes). The gastroenterologist was positive it was "between Stage II - Stage III." The surgery went well, but the surgeon wasn't able to remove all of the mass and left 2 lymph nodes. Biopsy showed Stage IV colon cancer. (I'm sorry if this is choppy; so much has happened and I'm trying to keep it short).

Recovery after surgery was 6 weeks, then my dad could begin chemotherapy. But after 4 weeks, he developed a severe UTI and blood infection. We had to rush him to the ER. I've never seen my dad in so much pain before.....he's former military and very stereotypical "man's man," but that night in the ER he cried and winced, and it was miserable.

So that set him back another 4 weeks before his body could heal and start chemotherapy. Chemo was every other Monday, followed by bloodwork on Wednesday. After his 3rd session, he was back in the ER for severe stomach pain. A CT scan revealed he had an obstruction near his stomach - the little bit of mass left from surgery had grown to the size of a baseball in 3 months. The hospital suggested emergency surgery, or "his intestine will die along with him." His recovery from that surgery took 3 weeks. He was always nauseous and in pain. He wasn't eating so they hooked him up with an IV that would give him nutrition. He was withering away.

My dad was released from the hospital to a rehab facility a week ago. He seemed to be doing okay once released, except he wasn't eating at all; he was nauseated all the time. But he's been getting worse since in the rehab facility. They don't have IV capability and my dad is throwing up all of his medication. My sister called the rehab and asked that my dad be taken to the hospital (God bless her).

So, at this moment, my dad is in the hospital finally getting the pain medication he needs. But the hospital wants to release him tomorrow.

I'm so lost. And frustrated. The doctors talk about hospice and that chemo is no longer an option.....I feel like my dad never had a chance. He gets hit wave after wave and hasn't had a chance to swim to the surface for air.

It's just my sister and I taking care of my Dad. Both of us are flying by the seat of our pants.

I don't know what to do. Hospice? Try for chemo? I have no idea where my dad stands or what he's thinking - I'm too afraid to ask.

Thank you for reading.

[BIG ROB 69]

Where do you live? Is there an option to go to a better facility?

[Leeloo]

Dear Lemondrop,
This sounds like an awful rollercoaster ride for you, your Dad and your sister. As the hospital want to release him there is not a lot of time to think things over, so let's start with the very last and most important worry first. You are so worried about your Dad, and you want to know what he is thinking, and what he thinks is best for him. He will know you are worried and he'll be trying to look after you by not telling you too much. You are braver than you realise, as you've come here with your worries, so you are scared and you are also brave. Just like your Dad.

Hospice care can be a good option for people and families in your situation, the staff are skilled at helping with difficult conversations, and hospices are about living with cancer too, for as long as it is possible to do so. Hospice staff are very good at finding the best pain relief too. Some hospices even offer care at home if this is wanted.

However that doesn't answer the question about whether another type of chemotherapy or could work. You could ask your Dad if he has any questions for the doctors or if the doctors have been answering all his questions. That might open the door to a discussion. We got our Dad a small notebook so he could write his questions for them down. It helped as we then discussed the questions and answers instead of feelings, talking about feelings came later.

Could you ask your Dad if you can ask to meet his doctor, so that his oncologist can explain the options? Or ask whether he wants a second opinion from a different doctor? Your Dad might not be keen for you to meet his doctor on your own, so it might be something you do with him and your sister. However if he doesn't want this then all you can do is visit, watch a movie with him, take him small snacks and fresh clothes, to show your love in all these ways, and give him lots of hugs.

Sending you lots of hugs, and thinking of you,
Leeloo

[ocstacy]

Hospice? Try for chemo? I have no idea where my dad stands or what he's thinking - I'm too afraid to ask.

First, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I live with my uncle with CHF age 89. I am his DPOA and Advanced Care Directive. He was on hospice for one year. The reason why he was on hospice for one year is because I asked them to hold the morphine and ativan cause he didn't need it, he wasn't in pain. When they gave him the Ativan and Morphine things moved rather fast. I would just suggest reading "The blue book" to advocate you. It really helped me understand the stages of life. I will warn you that it is very emotional, yet very educational.

Having experience with hospice living the moment with family and neighbors, I can prepare you that it will happen faster than you think.

Ask your dad what he wants. Is he in a lot of pain? Can you go in for a 2nd opinion? My mom requested that if she ever were to be put on Hospice, that she does not want to be at home with loved ones and friends. She wants to be at a hospice facility with immediate family only, maybe her best friend, but that is it. Everyone has their own requests and it is so important to know these things ahead. I wish you the best, hugs and God bless. I hope that I was some what helpful. <3

[Lemondrop]

Where do you live? Is there an option to go to a better facility?

We're in Northern Virginia, about 20 miles south of DC. My sis and I briefly talked about getting my Dad into the VA hospital in DC but they are known for being slow and my Dad can't wait......so we're thinking a hospice/rehab facility in Mt. Vernon.

[Mercy110]

I am so sorry to hear that. I think you may find second opinion for you dad because there are still lots of things can be done for stage 4 patients. As long as he is willing and able to eat and maintain weight, I do feel there is hope for healing.
My mum was diagnose with stage 3 rectal cancer on April. After surgery and 2 rounds of chemo (xeloda), her situation worsen as there are mets in her lungs. Now she is a stage 4 patient with Folfox and Avastin. And she was readmitted to the hospital for serious diarrhea last Sunday. The doc told us she may need to undergo another surgery which terrified us. Fortunately she is now doing fine and resting at home. I understand your feeling as we were hit by the bad news one by one as well. From the initial diagnose to stage 4 patient, we have just experienced 4 months. My sister and me look after mum together. But this forum and the members here are so helpful and equip me with so much knowledge about CC. You are not alone!
There are lots of stage 4 patients here and some of their experiences are miracles. I do think your dad still have chance. Maybe you should communicate with your dad and see what he wants first. Then try to seek for another opinion. In Hong Kong, hospice is for "very late stage" patients. But it seems that it is still unknown if there are any mets in your dad's body. Giving up chemo seems "too soon". Still, it all depends on your dad's decision as well!
God bless!

[SurvivorsSpouse]

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Can you get your dad to Georgetown? That is an NCI designated center that might be good for a 2nd opinion.