New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

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jojobtrflygrn
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2017 12:32 pm

New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby jojobtrflygrn » Thu Sep 14, 2017 1:25 pm

I have been lurking for awhile now and decided to finally sign up. I have found so much valuable information here, this board helped me get through my info processing stage. I was so numb/shocked the first month that my emotions just basically turned off. Now, they are starting to make themselves known. Today was the first time I have cried since my Dx. I keep trying to trivialize my cancer because I "had" it for such a short time(5 days) and it's gone now. I feel guilty for missing work, creating money worries, I feel sad because my life has changed forever, the pity party list can go on and on. So, I guess I signed up to get a little encouragement, to let myself process what's going on with the people that know the most what is going on in my head.

Thanks,
JoJo
Dx @ 40 Stage 2, T2N0M0

7/30/17 ER visit, CT=swollen colon
8/3/17 Colonoscopy finds tumor :(
8/8/17 Colon resection on left side
No chemo or rad, just follow-up monitoring.

DarknessEmbraced
Posts: 3816
Joined: Sat Nov 01, 2014 4:54 pm
Facebook Username: Riann Fletcher
Location: New Brunswick, Canada

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby DarknessEmbraced » Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:03 pm

Welcome and sorry for the reason you're here!*hugs* Cancer is so overwhelming especially in the beginning. I was in shock for a long time following my diagnosis in 2014. We are here with you!*hugs*
Diagnosed 10/28/14, age 36
Colon Resection 11/20/14, LAR (no illeo)
Stage 2a colon cancer, T3NOMO
Lymph-vascular invasion undetermined
0/22 lymph nodes
No chemo, no radiation
Clear Colonoscopy 04/29/15
NED 10/20/15
Ischemic Colitis 01/21/16
NED 11/10/16
CT Scan moved up due to high CEA 08/21/17
NED 09/25/17
NED 12/21/18
Clear colonoscopy 09/23/19
Clear 5 year scans 11/21/19- Considered cured! :)

Aqx99
Posts: 403
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby Aqx99 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:33 pm

Welcome. I'm sorry you had to become a member of the club. We are a friendly bunch, and don't bite that often. Don't worry about the length of time from diagnosis to completing treatment. They finally figured out I had precursor ovarian cancer over a month after my ovaries were removed during my rectal cancer surgery. So I was treated before I was diagnosed!
Anne, 40
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
2/21/17 Dx, Age 39
2/21/17 CEA 0.9
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR w/temp loop ileostomy, ovaries & fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 - 12/18/17 CapeOx, 6 Cycles
7/24/17 Dx w/ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1
11/27/17 CEA 2.6
12/5/17 CT NED
12/13/17 CEA 2.9
1/11/18 CA 125 8.6
1/23/18 Reversal
3/21/18 CT enlarged thymus
4/6/18 PET NED
7/10/18 CT NED
7/11/18 CEA 2.6
9/18 Bilateral Prophylactic Mastectomy

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susie0915
Posts: 945
Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2017 8:17 am
Facebook Username: Susan DeGrazia Hostetter
Location: Michigan

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby susie0915 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:37 pm

So sorry you have to be her but welcome. Don't feel guilty for your feelings. I have been done with treatment for over a year and sometimes when I'm alone I will just cry thinking about all I went through. Surgery and treatment and complications. Then the change in my anatomy, and the treatment has changed the way I feel. Sometimes I cannot even pinpoint why I'm sad. I'm so thankful my cancer is gone and treatments are over. So anytime you want to vent and/or just feeling blue you come here and we will listen. Good Luck. I'm so glad your cancer is gone.
58 yrs old Dx @ 55
5/15 DX T3N0MO
6/15 5 wks chemo/rad
7/15 sigmoidoscopy/only scar tissue left
8/15 PET scan NED
9/15 LAR
0/24 nodes
10/15 blockage. surgery,early ileo rev, c-diff inf :(
12/15 6 rds of xelox
5/16 CT lung scarring/inflammation
9/16 clear colonoscopy
4/17 C 4mm lung nod
10/17 pel/abd CT NED
11/17 CEA<.5
1/18 CT/Lung no change in 4mm nodule
5/18 CEA<.5, CT pel/abd/lung NED
11/18 CEA .6
5/19 CT NED, CEA <.5
10/19 Clear colonscopy
11/19 CEA <.5

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juliej
Posts: 3114
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:59 pm

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby juliej » Thu Sep 14, 2017 6:12 pm

I agree: don't feel guilty about your emotions. It takes awhile to process such a life-changing event and a lot of cancer patients have PTSD about the day they got their diagnosis.

Remember - your cancer is not your fault. Take all the time you need to deal with your emotions. Cut yourself some slack. Get some rest. Get some sleep. Indulge yourself. Do the things you love. Cancer is not just a physical disease; there's a mental component too. We're here for you anytime you want to talk!

Hugs to you!
Juliej
Stage IVb, liver/lung mets 8/4/2010
Xelox+Avastin 8/18/10 to 10/21/2011
LAR, liver resec, HAI pump 11/2011
Adjuvant Irinotecan + FUDR
Double lung surgery + ileo reversal 2/2012
Adjuvant FUDR + Xeloda
VATS rt. lung 12/2012 - benign granuloma!
VATS left lung 11/2013
NED 11/22/13 to 12/18/2019, CEA<1

teacher2017
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:18 pm
Facebook Username: Lydia Clark

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby teacher2017 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 6:33 pm

Hi JoJo-
I just added you to my friend list. Feel free to pm me. I'm in your same boat. Depressed and sad. I will have surgery on thurs or fri of next week. Supposedly the ctscan says it didn't spread but we all know we can't tell until this is opened up. It's on my left side. Is rip it out myself if I could. At least it's out for you. It's like being in the ocean and getting hit with a huge wave. Talk to me if you want. I could use some hope too.

Hugs from a stranger,
L.
Last edited by teacher2017 on Fri Sep 15, 2017 4:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
50 yo mom of 2 (15, 18)
DX stage 3c - 12/17 LN. T3
8" colon resection 9/22/17
6.1cm tumor
folfox 11/17-4/18
CEA -1.4 11/8/17
Colonoscopy- 5/18-CLEAR!
Cea -1.8 6/18
Cea -2.1. 8/18
8/10/18 Stage 4
1cm met in seg.8 liver
Liver resection-9/18
Cea -1.5/1.2
Port removal-9/19
Cea -1.2 10/19
Cea -1.1 02/2020
Cea - 1.2 5/20
Cea-1.1 9/20
Cea- 1.3 2/21
Cea.1.3 5/21

Lee
Posts: 6207
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby Lee » Thu Sep 14, 2017 6:46 pm

Hi and welcome, glad you came out of lurk mode. Cancer is scary stuff, while your life will get back to normal, it will be a new normal. Sometimes when people complain about the littlest things as if they are IMPORTANT, you're gonna at them and just shake your head :roll: (or roll your eyes).

It looks like they found yours pretty early, that is good news.

Remember one day at a time.

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 16 years and counting!

rockhound
Posts: 113
Joined: Fri Jul 14, 2017 5:00 pm

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby rockhound » Thu Sep 14, 2017 10:06 pm

I finally came off the lurk mode a few weeks ago- diagnosed right around Christmas (merry Christmas!) and aware of this site soon after. It really took about 6 months for me to come to terms with everything, even given favorable news all along the treatment process. Starting to take Prozac is what really helped me turn the corner though; don't discount therapy, etc. Cancer diagnoses are life-changing crisis situations and in my mind, I figured anything that can help me cope is worth trying. The Prozac really helped me push through the depressed feelings and move on with things mentally, which has helped my physical recovery from surgery and chemo, as well as helped me push through the chemo.
45 yr old male
Diagnosed December 2016, age 41
Stage 1/IIA rectal cancer - T2/3N0M0 via MRI (MRI indicates stage 1; onc/surgeon = stage 2a)
Lynch syndrome, MSH6 mutation, MSI
2 to 3/2017 Xeloda + Radiation
5/10/17 - Robotic LAR with temp. loop illeostomy, 0/20 lymph nodes
6 to 7/2017 - Six cycles Folfox @ full strength
9/20/17 - Ileostomy takedown
10/17 - CT, NED
5/18 - CT, NED
11/18 - CT, NED
5/19 - CT, NED..moving to yearly CT scans
5/20 - CT, NED
5/21 - CT, NED (4 yr. scan)

User avatar
horizon
Posts: 1668
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:10 pm

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby horizon » Sun Sep 17, 2017 6:03 pm

It sucks, it's scary, and it's not fair. Your life will never be the same again. But you never know what life has in store for you in the future. I still think about cancer every day, but I can go long stretches during the day without thinking about it at all. That seemed impossible to even dream for at the beginning.
I'm just a dude who still can't believe he had a resection and went through chemo (currently 12 years NED). Is this real life?

User avatar
horizon
Posts: 1668
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:10 pm

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby horizon » Mon Sep 18, 2017 7:55 am

BTW, forgot to mention that you really shouldn't feel guilty about this. There are people on here who were health nuts and then got this terrible disease. It's not your fault.
I'm just a dude who still can't believe he had a resection and went through chemo (currently 12 years NED). Is this real life?

AlmostAmazing
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2017 8:44 am
Location: Western NY

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby AlmostAmazing » Mon Sep 18, 2017 9:06 am

Hi, I too am a former lurker. . .

I've been working through the physical and emotional processes for years with three primary cancers. Just when I think I'm ok, I slip back to feeling as though I'm emotionally raw. And that is okay, for me because that is my new normal. I find my bootstraps and pick myself back up -- often as a result of encouraging posts in / on support group group pages such as this because I feel people understand 'differently' what we are going through.

One of the things that has given me hope just in my short 'visit' today, is seeing how long ago people with my worrisome cancer, Stage IV CC w/ Liver mets, have been on this forum, learning and sharing and supporting and caring.

Today will be an amazing day!

AppleTree
Posts: 267
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 8:16 am

Re: New to the "Club" - Emotional Process

Postby AppleTree » Wed Sep 20, 2017 7:31 pm

Cancer is not trivial, so do not beat yourself up for feeling badly. Make sure you have a good aftercare/follow-up program in place. You are in good company in this board. Hugs.
Diag Feb 5, 2016 Age 45
3 cm tumor 5 cm from verge
Radiation + Xeloda pills - 3000mg 5x week
3/14 - 4/16 - 25 sessions
Shrank just over 50% L nodes 0/13
Remove rectum with temp Ileo 6/17
Reversal 7/20 due to infection
Acute hepatitis August. Chemo cancelled
June to September 2016 - 58 days in hospital

2017
6/16, MRI shadow in lung
Pet - 6.6mm Met in Upper R lobe
7/30 VAT surgery Mass General/Boston
8/24 port
8/30 - 4/28 Folfox. 12 rounds
2018
June CT shows new lung Mets.
July/Oct PETs...CLEAR!


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