teacher2017 wrote:So depressed tonight. The waiting for surgery is horrific. I need to stop feeling so hopeless. Your stories help. But I still read all the terrible endings. I feel just lost...
Hi Teacher, sorry to see you in distress. We've all been there. The uncertainty of the first weeks are especially difficult and on top of that you're thrown into a situation that you're unfamiliar with, need to rely on docs that you've never seen before and have to deal with a frightful totally new jargon. And all of this while a cancer has been growing inside secretly.
I found this loss of control horrific, but it was comforting to see how much effort was being mobilized to help. My Dx came just before Xmas / had to wait until early Jan before things started to move. That Xmas and the change-of-year festivities probably were the most difficult. I clearly remember the many hours spent on Google then, and how confronting the terrible statistics were that one finds there. The best advice then was to stay off google and to find a doctor I would trust and to rely on his/her advice; don't think that in a few hours with Mr. Google, one can develop an insight that even the least resembles that of your docs who spent a dozen years at university and with colleagues, and can draw from experience. They have seen it all and know you and your details.
Like you, I had a mass in the upper left side-transverse. Mine was in the bend near the spleen. That was 5 yrs ago. Today I'm happy they found it and were able to take it all out. As you can see from my signature, it were not easy times. But once treatment got going, things started to find their place. I had the luck to find an onc who was totally open in explaining it all and who had no problems in fully answering all my questions. She also guided the half year of chemo after the colon job. Found a similar (brilliant) onc liver surgeon, when transferred to a different hospital for the liver resection.
I wish that you find similar support. And that you find peace to leave treatment details to your docs such that you can focus on the things that *you* can control. That you find pleasure again in all the little and big things that are worth celebrating. And that you *do* celebrate each and every victory or milestone.
Oh, and remember that you need strength these days. Do ask your PCP for a Rx when you need something to sleep.
Best wishes, and let us know how things proceed.