Cancer works on the mind

Please feel free to read, share your thoughts, your stories and connect with others!
Volfan
Posts: 73
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2017 7:58 am

Cancer works on the mind

Postby Volfan » Thu Aug 17, 2017 3:18 pm

This is a rant.
Probably 90% of the time I stay pretty upbeat about the whole cancer deal but at times it just works on your mind.
Sometimes if I have more than usual bowel movements I wonder is the cancer growing. Or because my stamina seems shot am I reverting back. If I get hot in bed are the night sweats starting again.
Sometimes this whole cancer deal is just a pile of shit.
Rant over.

If this post isn't appropriate for the board I do apologize. I hate to bitch to family and friends cause they would start to worry.
Stage IV Rectal cancer with liver mets
Oxaliplatin, avastin, 5fu
48 yr dude

User avatar
susie0915
Posts: 945
Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2017 8:17 am
Facebook Username: Susan DeGrazia Hostetter
Location: Michigan

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby susie0915 » Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:09 pm

That's what we're here for, you have earned the right to vent and complain now and then. I'm 16 months from finishing
treatment and I still will find myself with tears in my eyes when I'm alone thinking of all I've been through. So anytime you need to let it out, you just get on this forum and let it rip.

Susie
58 yrs old Dx @ 55
5/15 DX T3N0MO
6/15 5 wks chemo/rad
7/15 sigmoidoscopy/only scar tissue left
8/15 PET scan NED
9/15 LAR
0/24 nodes
10/15 blockage. surgery,early ileo rev, c-diff inf :(
12/15 6 rds of xelox
5/16 CT lung scarring/inflammation
9/16 clear colonoscopy
4/17 C 4mm lung nod
10/17 pel/abd CT NED
11/17 CEA<.5
1/18 CT/Lung no change in 4mm nodule
5/18 CEA<.5, CT pel/abd/lung NED
11/18 CEA .6
5/19 CT NED, CEA <.5
10/19 Clear colonscopy
11/19 CEA <.5

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 10473
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby CRguy » Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:21 pm

rants 'n vents R us !

Sometimes this whole cancer deal is just a pile of shit.
AND where better to vent than .... wait for it ....
a coloRECTAL forum :shock:
shit happens buddy

Cheers
CR
Caregiver x 4
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
17 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

Beckster
Posts: 438
Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2017 3:01 pm
Location: New Jersey

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby Beckster » Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:26 pm

Vent away! I will add to your venting....Every time I have a tweak or soreness, I am worried about recurrence. :x Because I gained 10 pounds during chemo, I am trying to lose weight through exercise and diet; however, as the scale goes down, my anxiety level goes up. Always thinking about recurrence. :x I try to stay positive, and my husband is no help. He acts as if nothing happened....he does not deal well in certain situations, so I have little support. :x I will be fine and than there is another cancer commercial on TV trying to drum up business. Again..I think about recurrence. :x My best friend called me today to tell me about a girl, 55, that just died from Melanoma... Again, I think of recurrence. :x I do not know how I am going to get through the next 5 years on surveillance.

So, YES...vent away! Boy that felt good! :D
57/F
DX:(CC) 10/19/16
11/4/16- Lap right hemi(cecum)
CEA- Pre Op (1.9), Pre Chemo (2.5)
Type: Adenocarcinoma
Tumor size:3.5 cm x 2.5 x 0.7 cm
Grade: G3
TNM: T3N0M0/IIA
LN: 0/24
LVI present
Surgical margins: clear
MSS
12/27/2016 - Capeox, anaphylactic
1/2/17 to 6/9/17- Xeloda
6/17,12/17,6/18,12/18,6/19,12/19,12/20,12/21 CT Scan NED :D
CEA- 6/17- 3.6, 9/17- 2.8 12/17-2.8, 3/18-3.1, 6/18-3.0, 9/18 2.8, 12/18 2.5 3/19 3.1 6/19 3.1 9/19 2.6 12/19 2.8 6/20 3.0 12/20 2.7 6/21 2.9,[color=#000000]12/21 2.7[/color]
Clear Colonoscopy 10/17, 11/19,11/21 :D

AbbyDoo
Posts: 134
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2016 2:25 am
Location: So.Ca.

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby AbbyDoo » Thu Aug 17, 2017 4:38 pm

We hear ya,
Sometime ya just want to go outside and scream at the top of your lungs FUCK CANCER.
Finding an outlet that takes 100% concentration might help. Weather that is taking care of someone else,training a dog or my latest beating the hell out of a punching bag.
Hang in there,keep your chin up and try to go out and do something fun.
53 yrs old
4/30/15 colonoscopy Mass found
5/21/15 staged 3 C rectal cancer
7/3/15 finished xeloda and radiation 28 rounds
9/30/15 LAR
10/29/15 picc line installed
11/2/15 start chemo 5 fu Oxaliplatin
3/7/16 Finish Chemo
4/29/16 Ileostomy Reversal.
7/13/16 colonoscopy clear.
CRC survivors know there Sh%t

NHMike
Posts: 2555
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:43 am

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby NHMike » Thu Aug 17, 2017 5:24 pm

+1.

Fear, anxiety, desperation, anger (I usually don't show this), pain, suffering - the human condition.

Please vent away.
6/17: ER rectal bleeding; Colonoscopy
7/17: 3B rectal. T3N1bM0. 5.2 4.5 4.3 cm. Lymphs: 6 x 4 mm, 8 x 6, 5 x 5
7/17-9/17: Xeloda radiation
7/5: CEA 2.7; 8/16: 1.9; 11/30: 0.6; 12/20 1.4; 1/10 1.8; 1/31 2.2; 2/28 2.6; 4/10 2.8; 5/1 2.8; 5/29 3.2; 7/13 4.5; 8/9 2.8, 2/12 1.2
MSS, KRAS G12D
10/17: 2.7 2.2 1.6 cm (-90%). Lymphs: 3 x 3 mm (-62.5%), 4 x 3 (-75%), 5 x 3 (-40%). 5.1 CM from AV
10/17: LAR, Temp Ileostomy, Path Complete Response
CapeOx (8) 12/17-6/18
7/18: Reversal, Port Removal
2/19: Clean CT

Ron50
Posts: 699
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2006 7:04 pm

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby Ron50 » Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:01 pm

Hi Volfan,
I have been living in survival mode for twenty years. I was diagnosed in Jan 1998. Some of the things I have learned about cancer. It is a dreadful disease that can kill you . The most surprising thing I have learned about cancer is how people react to having it. Fear, anger ,confusion , and everything in between. You cannot afford to ignore cancer but you also can't afford to let it rule your life. I had only one request when I was dxed. Get it out of me now! Then do what is necessary to keep it out! I had chemo every Tuesday for 48 weeks. I know how dangerous some chemo can be but I accepted the risk. They did not make me have chemo. They offered it to me and told me most of the risks. I accepted it. They cannot tell you all the risks because they don't always know them. Do I worry about it coming back. I am no longer worried about my original cancer any more but I am very conscious of developing new ones so I make sure my ca surveillance is carefully maintained. I had my last colonoscopy in april this year . My GI assured me that there would be nothing to find. He removed four polyps , tubular adenomas , the largest 11 mm . They all had mild displaysia. Stay vigilant and stay alive and if in doubt , get it checked out, Ron.
dx 1/98
st 3 c 6 nodes
48 sessions 5Fu/levamisole
no recurrence cea <.5
numerous l/t side effects of chemo

Volfan
Posts: 73
Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby Volfan » Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:19 pm

I really appreciate the replies and I do hate other have to deal with this but it's nice to have a place to go where other people understand what's going on.

As a side note this green tea the doc has recommended drinking tastes like grass clippings in hot water. I don't know how many different ones I've tried and they all suck.
Stage IV Rectal cancer with liver mets
Oxaliplatin, avastin, 5fu
48 yr dude

NHMike
Posts: 2555
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:43 am

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby NHMike » Thu Aug 17, 2017 7:08 pm

I actually like green tea and all kinds of different teas. I sometimes mix herbal teas with green and black teas. If there's are particular flavors that you like, you could try a blend of green and something else. I like the Tazo brand teas and they have a wide variety of stuff in them.
6/17: ER rectal bleeding; Colonoscopy
7/17: 3B rectal. T3N1bM0. 5.2 4.5 4.3 cm. Lymphs: 6 x 4 mm, 8 x 6, 5 x 5
7/17-9/17: Xeloda radiation
7/5: CEA 2.7; 8/16: 1.9; 11/30: 0.6; 12/20 1.4; 1/10 1.8; 1/31 2.2; 2/28 2.6; 4/10 2.8; 5/1 2.8; 5/29 3.2; 7/13 4.5; 8/9 2.8, 2/12 1.2
MSS, KRAS G12D
10/17: 2.7 2.2 1.6 cm (-90%). Lymphs: 3 x 3 mm (-62.5%), 4 x 3 (-75%), 5 x 3 (-40%). 5.1 CM from AV
10/17: LAR, Temp Ileostomy, Path Complete Response
CapeOx (8) 12/17-6/18
7/18: Reversal, Port Removal
2/19: Clean CT

pdp497
Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 3:17 pm

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby pdp497 » Thu Aug 17, 2017 10:08 pm

Right there with you, every day I run through the full gamut of emotions. It's so hard to talk to the people in your life about what you are feeling because you don't want to make them feel the fear and anxiety you are. One month in and I am itching to get back to work just because being alone with your thoughts all day can be so overwhelming.
Dx 7/17 stage 4 inoperable colon cancer with "numerous" mets to the liver (one large 2.6cm x 2.3 the rest 1 to 1.5 cm)
MSS
KRAS
8/4 CEA 240

User avatar
juliej
Posts: 3114
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:59 pm

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby juliej » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:00 pm

You're absolutely right about cancer working on your mind!!! I thnk it's nearly as harmful there as it is in your body. There is a pretty powerful psychological element to the whole trip. And the thing is -- only other cancer patients really get how you feel.

Most days I'm able to keep it down in the cellar of my mind, but, on occasion, when I strip down to take a shower and glance at myself in the mirror and see all those scars -- I'm like "holy cow, some major bad shit happened there!" My boyfriend says they are battle scars, but just seeing them makes me do a quick body scan -- any pains? aches? lumps? fatigue? going to the toilet too often? :shock:

I've spent most of the last few years either scheduling or rescheduling doctors' appointments, waiting in a specialists' office, having a scope put in one of my body cavities, or lying on a narrow, motorized table waiting for the CT's x-rays to pass through my body. I have two oncologists (one on each coast), three surgeons, and an integrative medicine doctor. Most of the time I joke about it (lots of cancer patients have a dark sense of humor), but there are times that making jokes feels as forced and fake as those "hang in there" kitten posters. But sometimes the reality is so overwhelming that making light of the situation seems to be the only thing I can do.

So feel free to vent, make bad jokes, whine, yell -- whatever makes you feel better! We're here. We understand.

Juliej
Stage IVb, liver/lung mets 8/4/2010
Xelox+Avastin 8/18/10 to 10/21/2011
LAR, liver resec, HAI pump 11/2011
Adjuvant Irinotecan + FUDR
Double lung surgery + ileo reversal 2/2012
Adjuvant FUDR + Xeloda
VATS rt. lung 12/2012 - benign granuloma!
VATS left lung 11/2013
NED 11/22/13 to 12/18/2019, CEA<1

WarriorSpouse
Posts: 220
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2016 9:02 pm

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby WarriorSpouse » Mon Aug 21, 2017 10:51 pm

I totally get it, but often I tell my wife that I am having hot flashes and feeling low energy at times myself... So although cancer is a different new normal for many on this forum, remember that we are all getting old too, and with that comes some of the same things you described.
D/H 47 years old, 10/2014, Stage IV M/CRC, nodes 12/15, para-aortic, 5 cm sigmoid resection, positive Virchow. KRAS mut, MSS, Highly Differentiated, Lynch Neg, 5FU/LV and Avastin 1 YR (Oxi for 5 months), Zeloda/Bev since 01/2016. 02/2019 recurrence para-nodes, back to 5FU/LV Oxy/Bev. It is working again. "...Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other."-Walter Elliot

[Ana & Alex]
Posts: 96
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2017 5:14 pm
Location: Austria

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby [Ana & Alex] » Tue Aug 22, 2017 6:54 am

I don't mean to be disrespectful or to downplay the previous comments.

Hell, I still didn't had to deal with the anxiety of scans or wating for results post treatment or seeing CEA bouncing and all that crap. But bear with me if you may. I'm lucky to have been stage III when diagnosed, so I'm lucky to not know what it means to gave a stage IV diagnose, and my heart goes out to anyone living in that limbo.

For the ones that are NED, this comes often as a theme as well. After treatment, and if I understood this right, the chance of a recurrence is somewhere between 20 and 30%. So, that is even lower than the risk of a person in the gerenal population to develop any type of cancer in the US in their lifetime.

The problem is, after all we've been through, we know what it means if this shit comes back or does spread, while normal people who hadn't had any contact with cancer, see this as an abstract problem and have no trouble smoking that cigarette, ignoring that pain in the lower back or eating ham everyday.

Post traumatic stress may even play a role with it, as some studies have shown. Survivorship is hard work on the mind no doubt.

But try your best to keep rational and enjoy what you have been given. If you worry all the time, the time you still have left will be wasted with problems that aren't even real at the moment. Everyone has pains and problems, even the ones who don't know what cancer means.

A full quality of life and permanent well being is more a mirage than a reality. We all balance in between feeling shitty and feeling good has hell. Sometimes we live during a while on one if the edges, ones more than others.

Plus. We are all going to die and no-one knows when. That is a fact. And I'm sorry, but there are still things in this world way worse than cancer - so try to stay positive, grateful, and enjoy the day with the life quality you have left!

And if ranting helps getting you back in the balance, rant away! We are here to listen and we do get it when in some days there isn't just any way around it!

Sorry if I'm patronising. Just don't want to see you waste energies and not so bad days with things we cannot change...

Hope you're feeling better..

Love,
Ana
Dx @ 29 yo. Mum (2 y.o.) & Wife

12/2016: Rectal AdenoCa G2. CEA 4.3. RAS Wild. MSS. IIIB.
01 - 03/2017: 28 RTx + CHT 2,5 g/d Capecit.
03 - 06/2017: Suplemments and Cimetidine.
05/2017: TME/TAMIS + permanent Colostomy CEA 0.5
05/2017: ypT2N2aM0 (4/15), good cCR, limited pCR
06 - 8/2017: 4x CapOx 3,5 g/d (2x Oxi reduced to 80%)
09 -11/2017: 3x Capecit. monotherapy 4g/d
12/2017: Aspirin, Vit. D3, Curcumin, Multivitamin.

User avatar
horizon
Posts: 1668
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:10 pm

Re: Cancer works on the mind

Postby horizon » Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:44 pm

juliej wrote:You're absolutely right about cancer working on your mind!!! I thnk it's nearly as harmful there as it is in your body. There is a pretty powerful psychological element to the whole trip. And the thing is -- only other cancer patients really get how you feel.


So so true. I don't know how anyone could go through something like this and not be damaged emotionally. I'm so thankful to be where I am but those "what if" thoughts in the back of your mind can take you to bad places sometimes.
I'm just a dude who still can't believe he had a resection and went through chemo (currently 12 years NED). Is this real life?


Return to “Colon Talk - Colon cancer (colorectal cancer) support forum”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 106 guests