Concerned partner

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Berrington
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:52 pm

Concerned partner

Postby Berrington » Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:04 pm

My partner of 15 years has had rectal bleeding for the past 5 years and refused to get it looked at. For the last 12 months he's been going pale, generally feeling unwell and complaining about feeling nausea. He did have an accident on the farm just over 5 years ago when he was hit in the stomach by a bull. He went to the hospital but was cleared. He said the bleeding started a few months after that. He had blood work done 2 years ago for his job that revealed his kidneys and liver were not functioning properly. Finally he went to his GP after I spotted blood in the toilet (this is now a regular thing) sorry to be gross but there is a small pool of blood left in the bowl after he flushes. They have done bloods which are not good. Hospital marked him as urgent and he is now waiting for an appointment. He's a man's man unfortunately so getting any information out of him is hard. He just brushes it off. He is overweight, a heavy drinker but normally healthy. I'm really concerned. Do these symptoms sound similar to any of yours?
Thank you in advance

Lee
Posts: 4974
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: Concerned partner

Postby Lee » Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:17 pm

Truth be know, his symptoms could be caused by many different different things. Cancer is just one possibility. That is why colonoscopy is so important, it gives a true diagnoses, anything else is just a speculation.

For what it's worth, me I had no symptoms other than bleeding hemorrhoids. Blood work, everything that should have been a red flag for cancer came back negative or normal. MY PCP figured my bleeding hemorrhoids were my excuse for getting scoped early in life. I was of healthy weight, ate good, yet I had cancer.

Many years prior, my mother ended up in the ER, serious rectal bleeding, stomach pain, etc. She was overweight, smoked, ate junk food, etc. Dr were sure she had colon cancer. Colonoscopy was done, no cancer, not even one polyp, just a bad case of diverticulosis.

It's best it getting checked out, please come back and let us know even if it's good news.

Hope for the best,

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

Basil
Posts: 117
Joined: Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:33 pm

Re: Concerned partner

Postby Basil » Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:18 pm

Probably not cancer. Which is good. But it could be so get it checked out.
40 y/o male, kids 6&9
Dx 3/16/17, rectal cancer S3,t3,n1,m0
PROSPCT trial (FOLFOX in lieu of chemorad)
FOLFOX 4/5/17 - 6/26/17
LAR 7/31/17, temp ostomy
pathological complete response
NED
adjuvant chemo cancelled
reversal scheduled 9/25/17
(praying I don't have to add on from here)

Aqx99
Posts: 88
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: Concerned partner

Postby Aqx99 » Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:42 pm

Rectal bleeding was one of the only symptoms I had. That, and persistent diarrhea. I mentioned these to my GP and she ran my blood to see if I was anemic, which I was. Because of this, she sent me to a gastroenterologist who decided a colonoscopy was the only way to find out what was wrong. He showed me color pictures of my tumor in the recovery room.
Anne, 39
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1M0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 diagnosis
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
CEA at diagnosis 0.9

Lee
Posts: 4974
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: Concerned partner

Postby Lee » Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:10 pm

Aqx99 wrote: . . . I mentioned these to my GP and she ran my blood to see if I was anemic, which I was. . .


I was the exact opposite, because of my bleeding hemorrhoids, my PCP ran the test to check for anemic, was not. In fact, I was high end normal. He looked for blood in my stools TWICE, both times negative. My PCP as he wrote a referral for my colonoscopy said at least we don't need to worry about cancer, butt because of your bleeding hemorrhoids, you are getting your baseline colonoscopy early in life. After I was diagnosed and before my PCP got final report, DH went to see him for something else and told him of my diagnoses. Guess he turned white as a ghost, not what he was expecting to hear. I do believe that referral saved my life and I've thanked him more than once.

My SIL thanks me for saving her from this cancer. Because of me, at age 45, she lied (blood in rectum) and got scoped, found a few polyps. Was told to come back in 10 yrs. 3 years later lied again about rectal bleeding, this time they found precancerous polyps. Was told to come back in 3 years, like me they always find those nasty polyps that can produce cancer on 10-15 years. She and I are both on the 3 year plan. Yet we are not overweight, mostly eat healthy. My DB had yet to produce 1 polyps, and he is almost 60. Yet he will tell you, he eat the junk food in the family.

Some of it is bad luck, some of it is just bad genes. Butt the flip side, I truly believe my mom got the good genes, and probably a lot of good luck. She never got cancer.

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

Berrington
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:52 pm

Re: Concerned partner

Postby Berrington » Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:51 pm

The only thing they are planning at his next appointment is a scan. His GP did say at his first appointment she would refer him for a colonoispy but as yet the hospital have only used the word scan. He was refereed to the surgical department when they went over his bloods (which I thought was odd). I honestly think that he knows more than he's letting on. When he came back from his second doctors appointment when she went over his bloods she did mention cancer as a possible cause, that much he did tell me. So he was busy getting his insurance etc checked and had disability added. So with two doctors appointments and one hospital appointment we are no closer in knowing anything. But it's almost like he is preparing for the worst without opening up. I feel horrid for him but just want to strangle him at the same time. He's only 38 and we have two preteen children who know something is wrong. He has turned quite snappy or he's asleep. I guess he's just stressed and scared.

Lee
Posts: 4974
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: Concerned partner

Postby Lee » Wed Aug 09, 2017 9:26 pm

Berrington wrote: He's only 38 and we have two preteen children who know something is wrong. He has turned quite snappy or he's asleep. I guess he's just stressed and scared.


Please even if your partner is not talking to these kids, YOU DO!!! If they suspect something, keep them informed. They don't need all the details, butt my daughter years later told me, it comfort her to know I would talk openly about my condition in front of her. She knew then, I was NOT keeping info from her and made the whole process easier for her.

I will admit, we did not say anything to our kids until I was diagnosed, staged, and plan of action (1 week from diagnoses). Butt DD knew SOMETHING was wrong. The night we told the kids (9 & 11), they both were scared, butt DD held on to every word I said to others in front of her during treatment. Let them ask questions, the older they are, the more they want to know.

Present info to them in a positive way, butt don't try to hide the problem. There is an elephant in the room and the kids know it. If they feel you are being honest (and if partner is not), at least with you, they can be honest and express there fears and concerns.

I was 2 weeks out from surgery, DD had a friend sleeping over when I let off the BIGGEST fart on the planet. Friend was open mouth shocked, DD want to crawl into a hole and die. I told her friend, I had surgery recently (she knew that). Per surgeon I would be passing gas for awhile, that it was a good thing and that my surgeon would have been very happy with that fart. It might happen again. Friend was like, yes my dad did the same thing following some surgery he had, no biggie! We moved on and DD was happy again. Sometimes just go with the flow.

All the best to you and your partner.

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

NHMike
Posts: 166
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:43 am

Re: Concerned partner

Postby NHMike » Fri Aug 11, 2017 2:29 pm

I went to the ER because of rectal bleeding. I have a picture of the toilet with all of the blood in it. They did a CT scan and found the mass and I asked what it likely was (thinking diverticulitis) and the doctor said that it's usually cancer. My weight is healthy and I work out a lot and my diet is pretty good as well. I'm just under a lot of stress on a regular basis. In fact all of the tests that they did on me indicated a very health person and I felt absolutely great in the hospital. Except for the cancer.

The timing of your husband's injury and subsequent symptoms sounds like there is a causal relationship.

BTW, we guys can be tough on our spouses when we get sick as we're grumpy and don't want to admit our mortality. I generally keep everyone up-to-date via email but I only let others know how I feel when things are really tough on me and I feel that I'm not getting any support (even though I am). If he's good at managing medical services, then let him manage them. If not, then it would probably help a lot if you did it. Someone has to manage the financial side as well looking for bills and paying them in a timely manner. Also dealing with the insurance company. Hopefully it isn't cancer but you won't know until he's checked out.
Mike in NH: Rectal Bleeding biopsy June 23, Diagnosed Stage 3B rectal cancer late July 2017 via MRI.
T3, N1b, M0.
Started Xeloda + Radiation 07/31/17, to continue until 09/07/17.
CEA before treatment: 2.7. CEA after 14 treatments 1.9.

NHMike
Posts: 166
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:43 am

Re: Concerned partner

Postby NHMike » Fri Aug 11, 2017 2:38 pm

Berrington wrote:The only thing they are planning at his next appointment is a scan. His GP did say at his first appointment she would refer him for a colonoispy but as yet the hospital have only used the word scan. He was refereed to the surgical department when they went over his bloods (which I thought was odd). I honestly think that he knows more than he's letting on. When he came back from his second doctors appointment when she went over his bloods she did mention cancer as a possible cause, that much he did tell me. So he was busy getting his insurance etc checked and had disability added. So with two doctors appointments and one hospital appointment we are no closer in knowing anything. But it's almost like he is preparing for the worst without opening up. I feel horrid for him but just want to strangle him at the same time. He's only 38 and we have two preteen children who know something is wrong. He has turned quite snappy or he's asleep. I guess he's just stressed and scared.


The night before I went to the ER, I gave my kids all of my online codes (son has signatory access to most of our accounts, daughter has access to several of them), what to do if I die, etc. Then I find out that I'm not going to die [from this disease] for at least some time so I can prepare them in case I'm not around. So yes, we can think about the worst-case scenario. And then it doesn't happen but we should have this stuff done because we could get hit by a car any day.

I think that kids should be in the loop. My wife lost her father at an early age and my father wasn't around when I grew up and that leaves a hole for the kids, particularly if you never received a reason why you didn't have a mother or father growing up. I told my wife a while ago, when I was feeling frustrated, that I felt like I didn't have any emotional support. Her reply was that this was tough on her as well. So I worked on making it a bit less tough on her once I realized. Your husband may be so into worry, anxiety, planning on what to do, that he doesn't feel the impact on everyone else.

One other thing - if he has a best friend, then that can help out - someone he trusts that can provide advice or a good sounding board. I have someone like that who has known a few people that have battled cancer so he knows something of the process. There are lots of people her going through it or that have gone through it but we're just words on a screen and sometimes you want someone close who can give good advice.
Mike in NH: Rectal Bleeding biopsy June 23, Diagnosed Stage 3B rectal cancer late July 2017 via MRI.
T3, N1b, M0.
Started Xeloda + Radiation 07/31/17, to continue until 09/07/17.
CEA before treatment: 2.7. CEA after 14 treatments 1.9.

susie0915
Posts: 33
Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2017 8:17 am
Facebook Username: Susan DeGrazia Hostetter

Re: Concerned partner

Postby susie0915 » Fri Aug 11, 2017 3:56 pm

I had some bleeding intermittently on my stool. I assumed it was my hemorrhoids as I had a colonoscopy 5 yrs before and showed internal hemorrhoids. No other symptoms. My GP sent me home with the standard colocare check in the toilet and I decided to do when the blood wasn't visible. Well, it came back showing blood in the stool so I was sent to a gastroenterologist and he said anytime there is blood have to do colonoscopy. Well, that's when the rectal tumor was found. The surgeon said it was small but close to anal verge. I asked how long it was probably there and he said probably 5 years and the colonoscopy then didn't pick it up too small, or started right after. Luckily it was contained was a stage 2A, but still had to go through all the treatment. Stage 2 rectal cancer is tricky when deciding on treatment. Did the radiation and chemo prior to surgery, and all that was left was scar tissue. When pathology came back from surgery no lymph nodes were involved, but dead cancer cell were detected. That is when my surgeon said they cannot be sure if cells maybe got into the blood stream so he recommended chemotherapy after surgery as well as my oncologist. Blood can mean many things other than cancer, that is why colonoscopy is so important. Good Luck.
57 yr old mother of 3 adult children
5/15 Diagnosed with stage 2A rectal cancer
6/15 began 5 weeks of radiation/xeloda
9/15 Surgery to remove most of rectum
10/15 Bowel blockage. 3 1/2 weeks in hospital.
Dr. decided to reverse ileostomy since he
had to do surgery to repair blockage. c-diff infection
12/15 6 rounds of xelox
5/16 Clear CT lung scarring/inflammation
4/17 CT watching small 4mm lung nodule thinks is scar tissue
7/17 no change in 4mm lung nodule
Currently NED


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