Berrington wrote: He's only 38 and we have two preteen children who know something is wrong. He has turned quite snappy or he's asleep. I guess he's just stressed and scared.
Please even if your partner is not talking to these kids, YOU DO!!! If they suspect something, keep them informed. They don't need all the details, butt my daughter years later told me, it comfort her to know I would talk openly about my condition in front of her. She knew then, I was NOT keeping info from her and made the whole process easier for her.
I will admit, we did not say anything to our kids until I was diagnosed, staged, and plan of action (1 week from diagnoses). Butt DD knew SOMETHING was wrong. The night we told the kids (9 & 11), they both were scared, butt DD held on to every word I said to others in front of her during treatment. Let them ask questions, the older they are, the more they want to know.
Present info to them in a positive way, butt don't try to hide the problem. There is an elephant in the room and the kids know it. If they feel you are being honest (and if partner is not), at least with you, they can be honest and express there fears and concerns.
I was 2 weeks out from surgery, DD had a friend sleeping over when I let off the BIGGEST fart on the planet. Friend was open mouth shocked, DD want to crawl into a hole and die. I told her friend, I had surgery recently (she knew that). Per surgeon I would be passing gas for awhile, that it was a good thing and that my surgeon would have been very happy with that fart. It might happen again. Friend was like, yes my dad did the same thing following some surgery he had, no biggie! We moved on and DD was happy again. Sometimes just go with the flow.
All the best to you and your partner.