My husband walked out

Please feel free to read, share your thoughts, your stories and connect with others!
Aqx99
Posts: 158
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

My husband walked out

Postby Aqx99 » Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:44 pm

I have been dealing with my husband's alcoholism for years. It has been getting in the way of his support for me during my treatment. After speaking with the oncology counselor at the cancer center yesterday, I had the courage to confront him. His response was to walk out and go stay with his parents. Tonight he came by after work to get his clothes and his computer. Intellectually I know this is really for the best, but it is breaking my heart.
Anne, 39
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal

Soccermom2boys
Posts: 141
Joined: Tue Nov 10, 2015 10:29 pm

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Soccermom2boys » Wed Aug 02, 2017 11:25 pm

Oh my goodness, so so sorry to hear that on top of dealing with all of the crap from cancer you are also without the support of your husband and dealing with all of the issues of his alcoholism. Sending you a virtual hug. Only wish you lived nearby and I'd invite you for a therapeutic walk. Understandably not the same as the support of a spouse, but know we're here for you to help get you through these treatments and to NEDville.

Xoxo
8/3/15 Went in with a hemorrhoid, came out with a tumor
8/12/15 Biopsy from colonoscopy confirms RC (45 yrs old--zero family history!)
9/21 - 10/29/15 chemorad 28 tx (with Xeloda)
12/17/15 APR with perm colostomy
Pathology report stages me as IIIA (T2N1M0)--1/15 LN detects cancer
2/3/16 chemo port inserted
2/8-6/2/16 8 rounds of Folfox
With these odds, how have I not won the lottery already?!

JudeD59
Posts: 726
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:16 pm

Re: My husband walked out

Postby JudeD59 » Thu Aug 03, 2017 1:37 am

I could try to say something really uplifting, but the truth is that really sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with this on top of all you are already dealing with. Even when you know in your head that something is for the best, it can still break your heart. Sending you love and hugs. We are here for you to help in any way we can.

Judy
56 yrs old, wife, mother to 4 daughters
RC Stage II T3N0M0 DX April 2, 2015
6 cm. mid-rectum-CEA 121
Xeloda and radiation finished 06/15/15- CEA 242
CEA right before surgery 81
LAR performed 8/12/15 Temporary ileostomy
CEA 10-21-15 1.6
PET scan 11-4-15 All clear
Port installed 11/11/15
Folfox started 11/18/15
Folfox stopped due to bad reaction
Reversal 2/17/16
CEA 2/3/16 1.7
CEA 3/31/16 1.3
CT Scan 4/12/16 All Clear
Port removed 4/21/16
CEA 5/24/17 1.4

User avatar
ocstacy
Posts: 145
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:29 pm
Facebook Username: stacy

Re: My husband walked out

Postby ocstacy » Thu Aug 03, 2017 2:07 am

Sending you a "ghost hug" wish we lived closer. We are here for you.
Caregiver/daughter to dear mother age 77, diag.5/09/17
Caregiver/niece to uncle, age 89, CHF Diab2
Rectal CA Stage 3A Low grade adenocarcinoma- 6 cm
Neoadjuv. Chemo/Rad. start 7/10/17 ended 08/16/17
3D Lap. surgery @ Keck USC, Dr. Sang Lee 10/17/17 temp ileostomy
Chemo Xeloda post surgery following reversal April 2018
Praying 4 "Complete Response" or "NED"
Love my mom, BUTT she is a horrible patient! :roll:
Any Stage 3A survivors out there? Please share your journey!

aja1121
Posts: 201
Joined: Sat Jun 28, 2014 5:12 pm

Re: My husband walked out

Postby aja1121 » Thu Aug 03, 2017 11:02 am

I am sorry for this additional stress. I am the type of person who prefers to confront reality, and I know firsthand it can cause a lot of upheaval among those who prefer to ignore it. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
DH dx Stage 3B rectal ca 5/23/14 (age 41) from Mpls, MN
6/14 Xeloda + 30 rad
10/14 LAR/ileo, all 12 nodes clean
12/14-04/15 FOLFOX x 10
05/15 VATS, single lung met
06/15 ileo reversal, 09/15 local recurrence, 10/15 permanent colostomy
11/15 FOLFIRI x 4, 01/16 major growth, 10 more rad
02/16 curative resection failed, tumor debulked
03/16 FOLFOX x 4
11/16 Xeloda/Avastin until progression seen 08/17
09/17 start NCT02024607 (BBI608 + FOLFIRI arm)

Joannerogers
Posts: 245
Joined: Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:50 pm

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Joannerogers » Thu Aug 03, 2017 4:10 pm

So sorry!
53yo married 27 years, 2 children, 24 and 25
Diagnosed april 23,2015 rectosigmoid
Starting CEA 1845
Port placement and liver bx April 27
Folfox started april 29
Avastin added on May 6
Stage IV crc with mets to 50% of liver

10/13/15 dc'd transfusion #12...toxic
Pet/ct scan on 11/3/15
20% liver resected all margins clear 11/30/15
8/18/15 cea 21.
9/15/15 cea 13.9
10/13/15 cea 14.4
1/22/2016 cea 2.5
LAR 02/15/16 all clear

Lee
Posts: 5153
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Lee » Thu Aug 03, 2017 4:47 pm

I am so sorry. Sometimes cancer can really make or break a relationship. Beansmama is in the same situation. No words can ever replace the pain I'm sure you are going through right now.

I will tell you the same thing I told Beansmama. My neighbor in another town, her husband had an affair and wanted to end his marriage. It was about 6 months later, he had moved in with his girlfriend when it hit him that he had made the BIGGEST MISTAKE of his life. He ended the affair and try to reconcile with his wife, butt the damage was done. This was a few years ago, they are still married (financially it helps her), butt they live in 2 separate homes. He's still hoping for reconciliation with her, as far as she is concern their marriage is over.

I hope in time, with you, he realizes he too made a big mistake, butt by that point, you have moved on.

(((Aqx99)))


Know that you are not alone here. Feel free to vent or whatever it takes to help you get through this.

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

Rainykatie
Posts: 33
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 2:58 pm

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Rainykatie » Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:49 pm

Hi, stopping by here to give you a big virtual hug. I'm so sorry this happened! You shouldn't have to deal with this on top of everything else right now.

Also, congratulations for having the courage to confront your husband about this- it's really not easy to do. Although it didn't have the result you may have been hoping for, I'm sure you are right that it is for the best.

I hope things get better.
Caregiver to my mom (73)
Dx Stage IV w/ liver, bone mets 4/14/17
Folfox started 4/25/17 - 8 rounds
Took a 6 week break to check some things off the bucket list
CT scan 9/2017 showed new tumors in abdomen area, laproscopic surgery scheduled

User avatar
Frenchie's Wife
Posts: 947
Joined: Sat May 04, 2013 1:01 pm
Location: Alberta, Canada

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Frenchie's Wife » Fri Aug 04, 2017 10:38 pm

I am so sorry that your husband was not man enough to stand by you in your cancer journey.

When my husband, Frenchie was told he had cancer and was going through treatment we were told that this journey could either bring us closer or tears us apart. We had our ups and downs BUTT that was more due to meds than anything else. Hubby and I were very close right up until the end.

I am glad that you confronted him about his drinking and if he left then so be it. You need to take care of yourself, you have no time to worry about someone else right now. Surround yourself with other family and friends who will be there for you and take care of yourself. Sending you a big HUG and wishing you all the best.

Diane
Caregiver to DH 59 yr, male, Stage IV at Dx
Dx Sept 2009
Liver,bladder mets, 5 surgeries
Lots of chemo
Inoperable lung mets nov 2013
Stopped all treatments in February 2014 due to QOL issues
I am in God's hands now !!
Feb 2015 - too many new mets to count !
At peace July 9, 2017

User avatar
spinnz
Posts: 68
Joined: Sat Dec 05, 2015 4:19 pm
Facebook Username: Diana Wiseley

Re: My husband walked out

Postby spinnz » Sat Aug 05, 2017 9:17 am

I'm sorry he did that to you and your relationship! Alcoholism is strong and he is not. (((Hugs)))
Dx age 53 10/8/15
Lap/robotic converted to open sigmoid colectomy, partial small-bowel resection and right salpingo-oophorectomy 10-9-15
CRC stage 3b, T3N1aM0
Margins clear of malignancy
1/27 lymph nodes
Well differentiated
CAT / MRI's indicate NED
dual lumen power port placement 11-4-15, removed 1/16, too big!
FOLFOX + Neulasta- 2 rounds 11/15
5-FU/Lev+ Neulasta 1 round 12/15, liver enzymes high
Xeloda, 1 week on 1 week off 1/16- 5/16
Pre chemo CEA 7
1/5/16 CEA 1.0, 5/16, 1.0
Factor 13-bleeding disorder

User avatar
ANDRETEXAS
Posts: 560
Joined: Fri Feb 14, 2014 11:01 am
Location: Austin, Texas

Re: My husband walked out

Postby ANDRETEXAS » Sat Aug 05, 2017 12:10 pm

I have a lot of internal energy...and I'm sure you can get it if you don't. I'd rather face things alone with a positive attitude than have someone close to me bringing me down. IMHO
2014
2/10 - Colon resect
2/13 - DX- Stg IIIb
3/7 - Port placed
3/11 - FOLFOX (12 rds w/full oxi)
8/14 - Chemo finish
8/25 - CT- Inc
9/5 - clean PET
12/10- clean CT
2015
3/2 - Colonoscopy & port removed
3/4- clean CT
9/21- clean CT
2016
3/23- clean CT
2017
2/22- clean CT

ONE DAY AT A TIME !

User avatar
horizon
Posts: 1415
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:10 pm

Re: My husband walked out

Postby horizon » Sat Aug 05, 2017 1:34 pm

As if cancer treatment isn't stressful enough on its own. So sorry you're having to go through this.
I'm just a dude who still can't believe he had a resection and went through chemo (currently 6 years NED). Is this real life?

Aqx99
Posts: 158
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Aqx99 » Sun Aug 06, 2017 3:27 am

Well, the decision has been made for me. I am not taking my husband back. He did something that might seem minor to others, but is a big deal to me. Back when we were dating, about 9 years ago, he cheated on me with an ex-girlfriend. He said he regretted it and would do anything to get me back. I gave him a list of things that he needed to do, including STD testing and having no further contact with the ex. On Saturday I logged on to Facebook to find that the very same ex was suggested to me as a friend because we had a mutual friend. Guess who the mutual friend is? I can not believe he did that. He has no idea that I know. I plan on meeting him in a public place and letting him know that we are through. In a way, it feels good to have the decision made. I can start moving on from here.
Anne, 39
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal

Swirdfish
Posts: 266
Joined: Sun Jun 19, 2016 3:57 am

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Swirdfish » Sun Aug 06, 2017 3:48 am

I guess ultimately you have to ask yourself the question " Do you still love him, and vice versa "

Would couples therapy help. I never thought id go to this kind of therapy, but me and my partner now do, as it hasn't been easy either, and it has gotten better.

Focus on your cancer its more important at the moment, but relationships still need attention. I was consumed by Google, and information on cancer and its quite typical of a patient to do this, as its the unknown. Do partners understand the turmoil associated with this, only some do.

I felt alone in my treatment, I was told I deserved cancer, and that i'll die soon.

We are working on it as there is still a spark. However not easy, but if there is no spark then why continue. However sometimes im not too sure either.

It can all be so confusing at times.

Good luck.
06/2016 Went in for colonoscopy came out with a tumor. Age 35
12cm from verge at junction. Rectal cancer.
Clinical stage T3 NO MO
Temp illestomy
Completed 5FU and Radiation
LAR surgery planned 13 Oct 2016
Completed ULAR surgery 11-10-2016.
0/22 nodes
pT3 N0 M0 R1
Stage 2A

Pathology reviewed and changed
ypT3 N0 M0 R0

Started folfox 21-11-2016
5-4-17 NED
Reversal 12-4-17

Aqx99
Posts: 158
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Facebook Username: aqx99
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Aqx99 » Sun Aug 06, 2017 4:01 am

There is no spark. My counselor at the cancer center asked me what I get out of the marriage. The only thing I could come up with was a ride to chemo, which was a fight between us. My husband didn't understand why he had to come to my infusions with me. She asked about intimacy too, there has been zero since my diagnosis. A while back I told him that at the very least it would be nice to get a hug every day while I go through this ordeal. He can't even be bothered to do that for me. He lives and breathes for his beer and his computer.
Anne, 39
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1bM0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 Diagnosis
2/21/17 CEA 0.9 ng/mL
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
9/6/17 CA 125 11.1 U/mL
1/18ish Reversal


Return to “Colon Talk - Colon cancer (colorectal cancer) support forum”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: 88kaw88, Lee, sealdog, teacher2017 and 44 guests