The Colon Club

I have been dealing with my husband's alcoholism for years. It has been getting in the way of his support for me during my treatment. After speaking with the oncology counselor at the cancer center yesterday, I had the courage to confront him. His response was to walk out and go stay with his parents. Tonight he came by after work to get his clothes and his computer. Intellectually I know this is really for the best, but it is breaking my heart.

Oh my goodness, so so sorry to hear that on top of dealing with all of the crap from cancer you are also without the support of your husband and dealing with all of the issues of his alcoholism. Sending you a virtual hug. Only wish you lived nearby and I'd invite you for a therapeutic walk. Understandably not the same as the support of a spouse, but know we're here for you to help get you through these treatments and to NEDville.

Xoxo

I could try to say something really uplifting, but the truth is that really sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with this on top of all you are already dealing with. Even when you know in your head that something is for the best, it can still break your heart. Sending you love and hugs. We are here for you to help in any way we can.

Judy

Sending you a "ghost hug" wish we lived closer. We are here for you.

I am sorry for this additional stress. I am the type of person who prefers to confront reality, and I know firsthand it can cause a lot of upheaval among those who prefer to ignore it. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

So sorry!

I am so sorry. Sometimes cancer can really make or break a relationship. Beansmama is in the same situation. No words can ever replace the pain I'm sure you are going through right now.

I will tell you the same thing I told Beansmama. My neighbor in another town, her husband had an affair and wanted to end his marriage. It was about 6 months later, he had moved in with his girlfriend when it hit him that he had made the BIGGEST MISTAKE of his life. He ended the affair and try to reconcile with his wife, butt the damage was done. This was a few years ago, they are still married (financially it helps her), butt they live in 2 separate homes. He's still hoping for reconciliation with her, as far as she is concern their marriage is over.

I hope in time, with you, he realizes he too made a big mistake, butt by that point, you have moved on.

(((Aqx99)))


Know that you are not alone here. Feel free to vent or whatever it takes to help you get through this.

Lee

Hi, stopping by here to give you a big virtual hug. I'm so sorry this happened! You shouldn't have to deal with this on top of everything else right now.

Also, congratulations for having the courage to confront your husband about this- it's really not easy to do. Although it didn't have the result you may have been hoping for, I'm sure you are right that it is for the best.

I hope things get better.

I am so sorry that your husband was not man enough to stand by you in your cancer journey.

When my husband, Frenchie was told he had cancer and was going through treatment we were told that this journey could either bring us closer or tears us apart. We had our ups and downs BUTT that was more due to meds than anything else. Hubby and I were very close right up until the end.

I am glad that you confronted him about his drinking and if he left then so be it. You need to take care of yourself, you have no time to worry about someone else right now. Surround yourself with other family and friends who will be there for you and take care of yourself. Sending you a big HUG and wishing you all the best.

Diane

I'm sorry he did that to you and your relationship! Alcoholism is strong and he is not. (((Hugs)))

I have a lot of internal energy...and I'm sure you can get it if you don't. I'd rather face things alone with a positive attitude than have someone close to me bringing me down. IMHO

As if cancer treatment isn't stressful enough on its own. So sorry you're having to go through this.

Well, the decision has been made for me. I am not taking my husband back. He did something that might seem minor to others, but is a big deal to me. Back when we were dating, about 9 years ago, he cheated on me with an ex-girlfriend. He said he regretted it and would do anything to get me back. I gave him a list of things that he needed to do, including STD testing and having no further contact with the ex. On Saturday I logged on to Facebook to find that the very same ex was suggested to me as a friend because we had a mutual friend. Guess who the mutual friend is? I can not believe he did that. He has no idea that I know. I plan on meeting him in a public place and letting him know that we are through. In a way, it feels good to have the decision made. I can start moving on from here.

I guess ultimately you have to ask yourself the question " Do you still love him, and vice versa "

Would couples therapy help. I never thought id go to this kind of therapy, but me and my partner now do, as it hasn't been easy either, and it has gotten better.

Focus on your cancer its more important at the moment, but relationships still need attention. I was consumed by Google, and information on cancer and its quite typical of a patient to do this, as its the unknown. Do partners understand the turmoil associated with this, only some do.

I felt alone in my treatment, I was told I deserved cancer, and that i'll die soon.

We are working on it as there is still a spark. However not easy, but if there is no spark then why continue. However sometimes im not too sure either.

It can all be so confusing at times.

Good luck.

There is no spark. My counselor at the cancer center asked me what I get out of the marriage. The only thing I could come up with was a ride to chemo, which was a fight between us. My husband didn't understand why he had to come to my infusions with me. She asked about intimacy too, there has been zero since my diagnosis. A while back I told him that at the very least it would be nice to get a hug every day while I go through this ordeal. He can't even be bothered to do that for me. He lives and breathes for his beer and his computer.