My husband walked out

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Aqx99
Posts: 88
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Aqx99 » Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:07 pm

He wasn't like this when we got married. It has been a downward trend for several years. I brought up the idea of couples counseling and he told me I was stupid.
Anne, 39
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1M0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 diagnosis
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
CEA at diagnosis 0.9

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 9124
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: My husband walked out

Postby CRguy » Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:48 pm

Respectfully
I was the spouse left behind and I am a guy
I have not weighed in until now, because I expected the usual :
"he was a jerk"
"he was an asshole"
"he was ... yada yada yada ...."

which you have now seen on forum from other posters

WE are your friends here
We only care about YOU !
don't know your hubby

SERIOUSLY ... having been where you ARE
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK TOGETHER ?

all the rest of this won't get you there
BUTT ...
YOU WILL GET YOU THERE !

we are here to support you

Harmony
CRguy
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
10 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing NONrandomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

Swirdfish
Posts: 251
Joined: Sun Jun 19, 2016 3:57 am

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Swirdfish » Tue Aug 08, 2017 12:48 am

Anne,

The problem with most us men is we don't like to admit we have failed, or we don't like to acknowledge there is an issue. We hate to fail, we will put it all on the back shelf hoping that we will not be able to see it or it will go away. Women are very different to men. Hehe. Some of us we show our feelings in other ways or we don't think a kiss or cuddle every time we see each other is necessary.

That's not too say we are completely at fault lol.

I was the same and thought counselling was silly. There is no problem.

Kind of the best thing I did.

Even if people move on, the weeds from one paddock will eventually show up in the next paddock.

If he wont commit to help then you may need to make the hard decision.

Sorry we are so stubborn lol.
06/2016 Went in for colonoscopy came out with a tumor. Age 35
12cm from verge at junction. Rectal cancer.
Clinical stage T3 NO MO
Temp illestomy
Completed 5FU and Radiation
LAR surgery planned 13 Oct 2016
Completed ULAR surgery 11-10-2016.
0/22 nodes
pT3 N0 M0 R1
Stage 2A

Pathology reviewed and changed
ypT3 N0 M0 R0

Started folfox 21-11-2016
5-4-17 NED
Reversal 12-4-17

Aqx99
Posts: 88
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Aqx99 » Tue Aug 08, 2017 3:18 am

One important step I took was seeing the counselor at the cancer center. I'm seeing her again next week. If she recommends that I go to someone else due to my particular issues, I'll do that. Something else I have been doing is thinking about all the things I used to like doing, but stopped because he didn't like to do them. Like camping, I love camping and haven't been in years because he refuses to go. I'm going to start planning some camping trips for when I am well again. My nurse navigator asked me an interesting question when I called to tell her that my husband had left. She asked me who I am. I honestly didn't have an answer because I changed myself so much based on him and his wishes. That's where going back to the stuff I like to do comes in. I'm taking back my life.
Anne, 39
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1M0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 diagnosis
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
CEA at diagnosis 0.9

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 608
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Facebook Username: maggie nell
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Maggie Nell » Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:08 am

Aqx99 wrote:I do view my husband's alcoholism as a choice. Being an amputee is not something one makes a decision on every day.



I'm confused. Is your husband an amputee?

:?
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour found upon emergency r. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
deranged LFTs April 2017
Liver U/S booked August 2017 :shock:

Aqx99
Posts: 88
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:28 am
Location: Pfafftown, NC

Re: My husband walked out

Postby Aqx99 » Tue Aug 08, 2017 3:13 pm

Maggie Nell wrote:
Aqx99 wrote:I do view my husband's alcoholism as a choice. Being an amputee is not something one makes a decision on every day.



I'm confused. Is your husband an amputee?

:?


No, his alcoholism was compared to being an amputee. I guess suggesting that it should be treated like any other medical condition.
Anne, 39
Stage IIIB Rectal Cancer
T3N1M0
Diagnosed at age 39
2/21/17 diagnosis
3/23/17 - 5/2/17 Chemoradiation, 28 treatments
6/14/17 Robotic LAR with temp loop ileostomy, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, 2/21 lymph nodes positive
7/24/17 Started CapeOx
7/24/17 Diagnosed with precursor ovarian cancer
CEA at diagnosis 0.9

DarknessEmbraced
Posts: 2636
Joined: Sat Nov 01, 2014 4:54 pm
Facebook Username: Riann Fletcher
Location: New Brunswick, Canada

Re: My husband walked out

Postby DarknessEmbraced » Tue Aug 08, 2017 4:53 pm

I'm so sorry you're going through this!*hugs*
Diagnosed 10/28/14, age 36
Colon Resection 11/20/14, LAR (no illeo)
Stage 2a colon cancer, T3NOMO
Lymph-vascular invasion undetermined
0/22 lymph nodes
No chemo, no radiation
Clear Colonoscopy 04/29/15
NED 10/20/15
Ischemic Colitis 01/21/2016
NED 11/10/16

michelle c
Posts: 1842
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:58 am

Re: My husband walked out

Postby michelle c » Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:09 am

I don't want to bad mouth your husband, just want to say that you deserve better....much better. Sending peace and strength your way xx
25 May 09 Dx with CC (sigmoid colon) 2 days after my 44th b'day
CEA prior to surgery 4.7
3 Jun 09 LAR - Stage III 3/10 lymph nodes
6 Jul - 10 Dec 09 12 cycles FOLFIRI
Genetic testing - inconclusive for Lynch
Jul 12 port removed & hernia repair


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