Freddy:
You are fortunate to live in the U.K. and have proximity of access to the best ostomy undergarments available - ComFizz.
I have mentioned this family owned business before and will praise it again. ComFizz has won several awards by the U.K. NIH for its product design, quality, and innovation. Options include briefs, camisoles, belly bands, and specific hernia support bands. The garments are composed of a spandex and Lycra weave and are seamless. The garment offerings are designed solely with those with an ostomy in mind.
ComFizz has a retail store in the U.K. where it also offers personalized fittings and educational classes and seminars.
I have been wearing ComFizz garments for 4.5 years and am a loyal customer. The garments are soft and wonderfully comfortable. My favorite item is the women's camisole. I am also a faithful wearer of the women's boy shorts and belly band.
For individuals in the United States, the company has knowledgeable telephone and internet support staff that can assist you with selection and sizing. Shipping is through the postal service and takes about 10 days to arrive. Exchanges and refunds are promptly handled.
Freddy, a belly band would probably give you a perfect blend of light inward pressure (onward pressure to counter the outward force gradient of the abdominal organs/intestines) and somatosensory reminder not to "over due."
ComFizz is located right in your neck of the woods. You would be remiss not to give the ComFizz product selection a cursory browsing.
http://www.comfizz.comBut why I really want to write to you in response with a post . . .
In your writings I sense a continued theme that you somehow feel that you are marginalizing your toddler daughter's needs . . you somehow feel that are less than the full mother that your daughter needs due to your recent surgery and health constraints.
I absolutely do not believe this to be the case.
I would encourage you to adopt internal dialogue that supports a higher sense of self.
You are in no way under-serving your daughter. You are everything your daughter needs, and more.
Life is not always easy. There will be bumps and potholes and mountains. Indoctrinating your daughter to the true pulse beat of life by showing her your own vulnerabilities and needs (needs for rest or private time to recharge your personal batteries, as examples) is not doing her a disservice. Your daughter will learn valuable life skills in your honest portrayal of illness and recovery.
I grew up in a family with a seriously disabled older brother (refractory grand mal seizures and spasticity since birth, later malignant brain tumor). The focus of my parents' attentions were directed to my brother, and rightly so.
I acquired valuable life skills through my brother. Skills that have served me well throughout my life. Empathy. The gift of self in serving others. Honesty. Truthfulness. Reciprocity. Being genuine without false pretense. The vital importance of family.
You daughter needs in you - as her mother - the knowledge that she is safe and secure. She needs your unconditional love so that she can develop a solid sense of self.
That you cannot be with your daughter every moment due to recovery issues or that you somehow have to make up for the time that you were in the hospital is an unrealistic benchmark that you are placing on yourself.
Showing your daughter that you practice self care is a powerful way to model positive behaviors for her to adopt in her own self development.
All to say . . You have nothing that you have to "make up" to your daughter in terms of time or opportunities that may have been lost in your surgery and recovery. This is real life, not a fairy tale story. Taking care of You must be a presicident - in order for there to be a strong and solid You to take care of your daughter. An ever-evolving balance, of sorts.
Honestly, you are doing an awesome job. I hope that you can see in yourself the awesome job that those around and who know you see.
- K -
Dear friend to Bella Piazza, former Colon Club member (NWGirl).
I have a permanent ileostomy and offer advice on living with an ostomy - in loving remembrance of Bella
I am on Palliative Care for broad endocrine failure + Addison's disease + osteonecrosis of both hips/jaw + immunosuppression. I live a simple life due to frail health.