I wasn't sure how I'd feel this morning, since my final brain zap had only been about 22 hours before this morning's alarm clock sounded (the Mr. is on the 'summer schedule' at work - they work 4 10-hour days now, meaning he has Fridays off). To my surprise and delight, I didn't feel as though I were dragging ass when I got out of bed, so I'll take that as a win.
I made breakfast of 2 scrambled eggs & a slice of Kraft 'cheese,' followed by Cheerios with milk, and 2 cups of coffee (my favorite part of the morning!) My right hand still isn't 100%, but I keep working at it - that's the only way it's ever going to get better.
On my drive in, Chicago's "Feeling Stronger Every Day" played, and I sang along (badly), enjoying every moment of it. What a perfect song for today. Plus, I'm a child of the 70's, so their music puts me in a wonderfully nostalgic state of mind, which I believe facilitates healing.
My less-than-proud moment of the day? The Mr. and I got into a verbal tangle as he was leaving for work. I TRULY respect him trudging off every day to a job that he's less than fond of. His work provides us with health insurance, no small thing particularly now! He made a comment about how he was 'wishing the week away,' and how he couldn't wait until Friday. I get it. I do. I used to operate under that same mentality. But I no longer do. So I simply and calmly said, "That's no way to live." Well, that set him off. He 'lectured' me about how he's entitled to have and express negative emotions (true - and I've never said anything to the contrary). I told him that I absolutely agree, but also said, "I'm not holding my own stuff in anymore," because I've done this for the past 10-15 years, and clearly it's not a healthy way to live. Of course, this was met with a retort of some kind, and I was, once again, feeling like I was in the wrong for speaking my mind. Ugh. I'm trying to not let my current crappy circumstances turn me into an utter a-hole, because I don't want to be that person.
I know this is hard on him, but a little sensitivity? Every day I wake up it's a gift, and I've told him as much. So when he makes comments about 'wishing the week away,' yeah, it stings. Save that shit for when you get to the office and share it with like-minded individuals, not your wife who's fighting for her fucking life!
Like the other day, when I said, "I hope this [radiation] is working," I was looking for, "Of course it is," but got "I hope so, too." I sighed and said, "Can you just tell me it is?"
I realize that, in this situation, there often ARE no right things to say. But there are a lot of wrong ones, and my poor husband seems to keep sticking his foot in his mouth. I appreciate all he does for me, for us, but at times it occurs to me I need to be more self-reliant in the cheerleading department, because 1. this is hard on him as well and 2. he doesn't seem to 'get it.'
Okay, didn't mean to rant. Overall it's a great day, and I'm driving again. Woo hoo!