Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Please feel free to read, share your thoughts, your stories and connect with others!
AnnClare
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2015 3:31 pm

Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby AnnClare » Tue May 30, 2017 9:44 am

I wasn't sure how I'd feel this morning, since my final brain zap had only been about 22 hours before this morning's alarm clock sounded (the Mr. is on the 'summer schedule' at work - they work 4 10-hour days now, meaning he has Fridays off). To my surprise and delight, I didn't feel as though I were dragging ass when I got out of bed, so I'll take that as a win.

I made breakfast of 2 scrambled eggs & a slice of Kraft 'cheese,' followed by Cheerios with milk, and 2 cups of coffee (my favorite part of the morning!) My right hand still isn't 100%, but I keep working at it - that's the only way it's ever going to get better.

On my drive in, Chicago's "Feeling Stronger Every Day" played, and I sang along (badly), enjoying every moment of it. What a perfect song for today. :) Plus, I'm a child of the 70's, so their music puts me in a wonderfully nostalgic state of mind, which I believe facilitates healing.

My less-than-proud moment of the day? The Mr. and I got into a verbal tangle as he was leaving for work. I TRULY respect him trudging off every day to a job that he's less than fond of. His work provides us with health insurance, no small thing particularly now! He made a comment about how he was 'wishing the week away,' and how he couldn't wait until Friday. I get it. I do. I used to operate under that same mentality. But I no longer do. So I simply and calmly said, "That's no way to live." Well, that set him off. He 'lectured' me about how he's entitled to have and express negative emotions (true - and I've never said anything to the contrary). I told him that I absolutely agree, but also said, "I'm not holding my own stuff in anymore," because I've done this for the past 10-15 years, and clearly it's not a healthy way to live. Of course, this was met with a retort of some kind, and I was, once again, feeling like I was in the wrong for speaking my mind. Ugh. I'm trying to not let my current crappy circumstances turn me into an utter a-hole, because I don't want to be that person.
I know this is hard on him, but a little sensitivity? Every day I wake up it's a gift, and I've told him as much. So when he makes comments about 'wishing the week away,' yeah, it stings. Save that shit for when you get to the office and share it with like-minded individuals, not your wife who's fighting for her fucking life!
Like the other day, when I said, "I hope this [radiation] is working," I was looking for, "Of course it is," but got "I hope so, too." I sighed and said, "Can you just tell me it is?"
I realize that, in this situation, there often ARE no right things to say. But there are a lot of wrong ones, and my poor husband seems to keep sticking his foot in his mouth. I appreciate all he does for me, for us, but at times it occurs to me I need to be more self-reliant in the cheerleading department, because 1. this is hard on him as well and 2. he doesn't seem to 'get it.'

Okay, didn't mean to rant. Overall it's a great day, and I'm driving again. Woo hoo!
42 yr. old female
Rectal cancer Stage 3C T3 N1 M0 - Sept 2015
28 rounds radiation w/Xeloda - Nov - Dec 2015
2/17/16 - Surgery to remove rectal tumor, lymph nodes (2/20+), ovaries & fallopian tubes, temp. ileostomy
3/28/16 - 9/26/16 -12 rounds FOLFOX w/full oxi
Ileo reversal 10/27/16; Port removed 12/1/16
Lung mets confirmed 2/6/17
March-May 2017 - brain mets; brain rad. 5/9-5/29/17

peanut_8
Posts: 2340
Joined: Sun May 25, 2014 1:31 pm

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby peanut_8 » Tue May 30, 2017 11:03 am

AnnClare,

First of all, let me get it on the record that I love Kraft 'cheese'. So delicious with scrambled eggs.

And Hooray for you driving. That is a big deal. :!: :!: :!:

Finally, your DH sounds quite a bit like mine. He was devastated by my diagnosis, and has been known to make inappropriate comments. Inappropriate by my standards anyway. He doesn't mean any harm, and has a tendency to say things without thinking. It's possible that I do the same. (obligatory comment) ha! 8) 8) I kind of think it comes from their brains working differently than ours. :roll: :shock: :shock:

Hopefully you guys will patch things up later today. And once again, I'm inspired by you to get out my athletic shoes and head up to the treadmill.

Thanks for the inspiration!!!
peanut
female, diagnosed Jan 14, RC stage 2a, age 56
MSS
April 14, 28 chemo/rad with Xeloda
June 14 adjuvant Xeloda 6 rounds
currently NED

Soccermom2boys
Posts: 222
Joined: Tue Nov 10, 2015 10:29 pm

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby Soccermom2boys » Tue May 30, 2017 10:05 pm

Aaah, the simple things in life--like being able to drive one's self. So so happy to hear you were able to get back behind the wheel again. As for myself, when I get the car to myself, I am all about blaring my 80s music: Whitney Houston, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, the Bangles. Hopefully work was therapeutic as well--you can't beat the distraction of work to keep your mind from floating off to the dark side (totally speaking from experience on that one!).

You don't have to be your own cheerleader--you've got a whole squad and then some on here who will gladly cheer with you, for each and every day we get and for all the simple things our friends and family may not have the same appreciation for (try as they might).

Image
Sorry I am not as tech savvy as others on here, but hope this brings a smile your way with a little extra cheer! :lol:

BUTT sista' we do have some gnarly tech savvy afficionados here who JUST might be able to hotlink your little dance party HERE !!!! :mrgreen:
gotta be thinkin' this could replace the happy dancing squirrel ???? .... Nah the squirrel is sacred here
Altho' squirrel ... Ferrell :shock: - CRguy
8/3/15 Went in with a hemorrhoid, came out with a tumor
8/12/15 Biopsy from colonoscopy confirms RC (45 yrs old--zero family history!)
9/21 - 10/29/15 chemorad 28 tx (with Xeloda)
12/17/15 APR with perm colostomy
Pathology report stages me as IIIA (T2N1M0)--1/15 LN detects cancer
2/3/16 chemo port inserted
2/8-6/2/16 8 rounds of Folfox

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 10473
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby CRguy » Tue May 30, 2017 10:33 pm

AnnClare
Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

kick ASS and take names sista'

CHEERS!
CR on the Journey with you
Caregiver x 4
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
17 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

User avatar
MikeManess
Posts: 90
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2016 3:56 pm
Location: Forney, Texas

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby MikeManess » Tue May 30, 2017 11:38 pm

Don't want to be a butt-insky, butt ....

Once, when I was in my early 20s, I mentioned (in my Grandfather's hearing range) that I wished that the weekend would hurry up and get here. My Grandfather (who was in his late 70s) spoke up and said I shouldn't wish my life away. I never really understood what he meant until I ended up with Stage 4 cancer.

Another tidbit - my late wife died in 2013 of Ovarian cancer .. as supportive as I tried to be, I never understood what she went through until I also had cancer. You literally have to be looking into the deep dark abyss to truly know what it's like. That's why we're here, lending support to those that are staring into the abyss from those that also know how frightening the abyss is to look upon.

Hang in there, keep up the fight, and live life one day at a time as normally as you can.
3/11/16 Colonoscopy - 9 benign polyps, 1 large cancerous tumor in right ascending colon
4/19/16 Right colectomy
6/3/16 Two liver spots detected, added Avastin to Folfox
12/20/16 Liver surgery. Pathology shows no active cancer cells
6/7/17 Final chemo
12/5/17 Port removed
05/23/18 Liver tumor discovered in scans
04/04/19 Radiation treatment
08/15/19 Additional radiation treatment
08/21/19 NED again

User avatar
Hannah Faulkner
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2017 3:14 am

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby Hannah Faulkner » Wed May 31, 2017 1:59 am

Hi AnnClare, congratulations on driving. You can’t stop it if its gonna happen, I hope things will settle for better Good Luck!!

AnnClare
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2015 3:31 pm

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby AnnClare » Wed May 31, 2017 7:25 am

Thanks for the support and understanding, guys. :)

LOL - the Spartan cheerleaders. One of my favorite recurring SNL skits. :)

I'm hurtin' a little today, my noggin that is. I have 4 mg Decadron pills, and at the radiology onc's instruction, last week I had weaned down to 1 a day. Saturday I didn't take one, but Sunday morning my head was begging for it. Ditto Monday afternoon. Yesterday I was fine without, until evening. But I held out, telling myself I didn't need it. I slept pretty well last night, but when I woke up this morning, my head was saying, "Please." So I had a bowl of Cheerios & took a Decadron. I don't want to become dependent on them, but I know they help with intracranial swelling (an anticipated side effect of rad).

This morning I have to go to a 'chemo class' at my onc's office, which is silly because I've already HAD a chemo class . . . and chemo! I told my onc that last week, but apparently it's standard procedure when you're facing any 'new' chemo. My records haven't even made their way to MDA yet, so we don't even know for sure what we'll be using. So frustrating. Sometimes I feel like all I do is argue with the staff at my onc's office. One of the nurses who called my yesterday said the onc 'knew' what he wanted to use, so I had to explain to her that when I met with him last week, the plan was to send my records to MDA for review, including genomic testing, to ensure we're using something effective this time (since last year's FOLFOX did nothing for me). She said she'd relay my message to the dr. Ugh - I am SO tired of having to explain things to the staff.
42 yr. old female
Rectal cancer Stage 3C T3 N1 M0 - Sept 2015
28 rounds radiation w/Xeloda - Nov - Dec 2015
2/17/16 - Surgery to remove rectal tumor, lymph nodes (2/20+), ovaries & fallopian tubes, temp. ileostomy
3/28/16 - 9/26/16 -12 rounds FOLFOX w/full oxi
Ileo reversal 10/27/16; Port removed 12/1/16
Lung mets confirmed 2/6/17
March-May 2017 - brain mets; brain rad. 5/9-5/29/17

MissMolly
Posts: 645
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2015 4:33 pm
Location: Portland, Ore

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby MissMolly » Wed May 31, 2017 8:08 am

AnnClare:
Regarding your 4 mg Decadron (dexamethasone) . .

Decadron is not a medication to discontinue abruptly. A 4 mg dose is a hefty dose and is likely being given to decrease intracranial pressure. It also has effects on your pituitary-adrenal gland axis (which I have written about in other posts).

I guarantee you that you do not want to add adrenal insufficiency to your list of woes. It is a absolutely disabling condition.

I encourage you to take your decadron on the schedule recommended. Work on a tapering plan with the prescribing radiology oncologist when appropriate to do so. It is vital that the drug be tapered over time.
- K -
Dear friend to Bella Piazza, former Colon Club member (NWGirl).
I have a permanent ileostomy and offer advice on living with an ostomy - in loving remembrance of Bella
I am on Palliative Care for broad endocrine failure + Addison's disease + osteonecrosis of both hips/jaw + immunosuppression. I live a simple life due to frail health.

AbbyDoo
Posts: 134
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2016 2:25 am
Location: So.Ca.

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby AbbyDoo » Thu Jun 01, 2017 1:47 am

You never seen to not amaze me, your one tough cookie..
Not sure what to call you now, let's see. We got Wonder Woman, I wonder what your going to do next? Super woman?? Any one who can go to work after brain surgery and then work threw radiation treatment. How did you do that?
Then we got that girl. I could just imagine pulling up to a stop light and looking down at that girl rocking out to Chicago. Not one of my favorite bands but if I heard it on the radio I would know all the words.
Then maybe miss piggy :shock: eating popcorn??(you braver than I) 2eggs,Cheerios before work how do you do that? :?: I have to eat like a bird all day.
Well maybe I will just call you my strong friend.
Hope your doing good and you have a great day today
53 yrs old
4/30/15 colonoscopy Mass found
5/21/15 staged 3 C rectal cancer
7/3/15 finished xeloda and radiation 28 rounds
9/30/15 LAR
10/29/15 picc line installed
11/2/15 start chemo 5 fu Oxaliplatin
3/7/16 Finish Chemo
4/29/16 Ileostomy Reversal.
7/13/16 colonoscopy clear.
CRC survivors know there Sh%t

AnnClare
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2015 3:31 pm

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby AnnClare » Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:31 am

Aw, shucks - ain't no big thing. I feel the best way for me to get through this is to just keep on keepin' on. Truly every morning I open my eyes, I'm grateful and say, "It's a win!" I still feel a bit spacey-headed (I HOPE this feeling goes away eventually!), but it's not to the point where it's debilitating, just a nuisance.

My baling head has begun to show dry patches, so last night I massaged a little argan oil onto those areas - it felt so soothing. When I had pelvic rad in 2015, I was fortunate to not really experience skin irritation, but I did have a tiny bit of tenderness, near the coccyx, and I recall the argan oil cleared that up within a few days. My forehead and temples are red, so I'm putting the oil there as well. Again, nothing that's unbearable, but obviously I'd like to get as much of ME back to ME and normal as much as possible, and as quickly as possible.

Well, I'm nearing the end of my second cup o' joe, and it's about time to head to work.

More later, my fellow butt-kickers and rock stars - here's to a great day for all of us!!! :)
42 yr. old female
Rectal cancer Stage 3C T3 N1 M0 - Sept 2015
28 rounds radiation w/Xeloda - Nov - Dec 2015
2/17/16 - Surgery to remove rectal tumor, lymph nodes (2/20+), ovaries & fallopian tubes, temp. ileostomy
3/28/16 - 9/26/16 -12 rounds FOLFOX w/full oxi
Ileo reversal 10/27/16; Port removed 12/1/16
Lung mets confirmed 2/6/17
March-May 2017 - brain mets; brain rad. 5/9-5/29/17

User avatar
juliej
Posts: 3114
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:59 pm

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby juliej » Fri Jun 02, 2017 3:41 pm

AnnClare wrote:So I had a bowl of Cheerios & took a Decadron.

Breakfast of champions! :D :D :D

Seriously, though, I agree with MissMolly. You need to taper off the decadron, not stop it too quickly. I understand your fear of dependency, but going off them too fast is dangerous (and painful).

Keep kicking cancer butt! We're all rooting for you!

Hugs,
Juliej
Stage IVb, liver/lung mets 8/4/2010
Xelox+Avastin 8/18/10 to 10/21/2011
LAR, liver resec, HAI pump 11/2011
Adjuvant Irinotecan + FUDR
Double lung surgery + ileo reversal 2/2012
Adjuvant FUDR + Xeloda
VATS rt. lung 12/2012 - benign granuloma!
VATS left lung 11/2013
NED 11/22/13 to 12/18/2019, CEA<1

AnnClare
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2015 3:31 pm

Re: Drove myself to work this morning - felt so liberating!

Postby AnnClare » Sat Jun 03, 2017 9:18 am

I did taper off. :)

When I was released from the hospital, they had me taking it every 6 hours. The radiation onc had me drop down to 3 a day for a few days, then 2 for a few days, then 1. I had gotten down to 1 every other day (as of this past Wednesday), before stopping completely.
Thanks for the concern & advice, guys - I appreciate it. :)
42 yr. old female
Rectal cancer Stage 3C T3 N1 M0 - Sept 2015
28 rounds radiation w/Xeloda - Nov - Dec 2015
2/17/16 - Surgery to remove rectal tumor, lymph nodes (2/20+), ovaries & fallopian tubes, temp. ileostomy
3/28/16 - 9/26/16 -12 rounds FOLFOX w/full oxi
Ileo reversal 10/27/16; Port removed 12/1/16
Lung mets confirmed 2/6/17
March-May 2017 - brain mets; brain rad. 5/9-5/29/17


Return to “Colon Talk - Colon cancer (colorectal cancer) support forum”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 109 guests