My forum family

[Steph20021]

I am so sorry. I don't have the words. It is not fair. This news breaks my heart.

[bitchslapped]

exaussie, My heart breaks for you, your DH & family for the loss of your precious daughter.
My deepest condolences to all of you.
Wise words to cancer patients & their families. Cancer is a family disease & takes its toll on all. It is difficult enough for adults to process despair & hopelessness.


BS

[Bev G]

I am so sorry to hear of this tragic news of your precious daughter. I wish I had helpful words to share, but I'm empty. Please know that you are loved and supported by your friends here. May peace surface through the dark.

Many wam hugs to you and yours.

Bev

[weisssoccermom]

I am so sorry for your tragic loss. After having losing your son at such a young age, this is even more tragic. I wish I had the words to say that could somehow make this better...but there aren't any. Please know that your colonclub family is ALWAYS here for you....when you need to talk, vent, cry or just say hi. You have gone through so much....PLEASE take care of yourselves.

Our family's thoughts, prayers and love go out to you and your family.
Jaynee

[CLD]

Soo sorry for your tragic loss. Words are insufficient. Peace to your family.

[Maia]

Just hugging you close over my heart, my dear exaussie. Keeping you safe there.
Please, be here with us, your forum family.

[Lee]

I am so sorry for loss. You have endured so much. My thoughts and prayers go to you and family.

Lee

[cmrl]

I am very sorry for your loss. My stepson committed suicide many years ago, and the whole family is still effected by it.

[DarknessEmbraced]

I'm so very sorry for loss of your daughter!*hugs*

[MissMolly]

Exaussie:
I can simply find no words. I started to write a missive to you earlier, but I languished in trying to find the right words to say that would bring you comfort. It was like placing a bucket down a well, and the bucket coming up empty.

Perhaps sharing a personal momento will provide a window of understanding.

My brother was 16 years of age when he was diagnosed with a
Grade IV glioblastima multiforma. I was 12 years of age. My family was already experiencing stress related to my brother's epilepsy. He suffered from intractable grand mal seizures, multiple seizures a day. The timeframe was 1978. There was no ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), there were no provisions for special education in the public school system. Out-reach resources were scant.

I am if the opinion that a serious illness either pulls a family together or pulls a family apart. My family imploded. My family was not able to weather the surmounting toxic stress.

The bond between my brother and I was genuine. I was his "life guard" at school and protected him from the effects of bullying. I viscerally felt my brother's pain. My brother's pain was my pain.

I turned to long distance running as a means to cope with my brother's grim prognosis. I was inherently petite with a small body frame and feather weight. Running was a natural fit. I ran like a gazelle across the open and grassy plains. I ran. And I ran. And I ran. I would run upwards of 6-8 miles a day after school and assigned chores.

I ran to escape the pain of my brother's plight. I ran to numb the swirling sea of emotions that I did not know how to process. I ran to escape the dark shadows that followed behind me.

My passion for running seemed benign to those around me. But it was anything but harmless. I ran, pounding the ground with each step.

Running proved to be insufficient to relieve my emotional distress. A full-fledged eating disorder followed in due
course. I simply stopped eating. It was a silent cry for help.

I come from a family that does not identify with emotions. Emotions are seen as a sign of weakness and are best unexpressed. "Buck up," has long been my mother's commandment and admonishment. Tough Love. Neither parenting approach served me or my needs.

If I can offer any pearls of wisdom to families dealing with a life-altering illness, it would be to make sure that communication within the family is encouraged and allowed to flow freely. Do not be afraid of the expression of emotions, even emotions
that you may initially be intimidated by. Learn to recognize and name your own and varied emotions, and then engage your child to learn to recognize and name emotions. Most of all, allow real emotions to flow. Allow crocodile-sized tears when the need presents itself. Do not demand that someone be "strong" as a false front or identity.

My brother is now 60 years of age and I am 56. In the perplexity reality, my health is immeasurably more comprised than his. I manage my brother's finances and serve as his de-facto parent.

Exaussie, I hold you in tender prayer. I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter and endearing son. May they be reunited in spirit in the presence of God. May you have peace knowing you were the one-and-only mother that they both needed.
- Karen -

[tammylayne]

Gentle hugs....sending you so many gentle hugs....

[Jacques]

This is so tragic and so unbelievable. I'm very sorry for you and your family.

You have been a wonderful mother to your beloved son and daughter, and you have have been a faithful contributor to this Forum ever since you first registered here. Please remember, you are loved and appreciated very much here and we are here to support you if you ever have a need for us.

God bless you and your family. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

[juliej]

I can't even imagine the heartache you must feel. It sounds like your daughter was in a place of very deep emotional pain and confusion. It's important to realize it wasn't because of something you did or didn't do. Please take care of yourself and know that all of us here are holding you and your family in our hearts.

[chixter]

I cannot imagine this double dose of soul crushing sadness. I am truly sorry for you. We face a world that at times is indeed cruel. Heartbreak is a state of being that some are just not capable of pushing aside. Our thoughts of love go out to you.

[Buckeye]

I am truly sorry and have no words. I honestly can't imagine your pain and anguish. My prayers are with you . I lost my brother to sepsis and I know the sorrow and feeling of helplessness you must feel. God bless you and may he bring you peace.