So hard to leave, yet so hard to stay

[Nik Colon]

I am stuck wanting to stay and go. So, I will leave you with this for now.

Have you any idea to look upon your face in the mirror and not recognise it? The demons that lurk within, but those around cannot see? The candle that only flickers at times in darkness so black it blinds you? A flash of light so bright, only to be snuffed out? The flame slowly fading into forever night?

[Maggie Nell]

Right now you have the opportunity.
Look for the essence of mind ~~~ this is meaningful.
When you look at mind, there's nothing to be seen.
In this very not seeing, you see the definitive meaning.

This old lady has no instructions more profound that this to give you.


Feeding Your Demons:Ancient Wisdom for Resolving Inner Conflict
by Tsultrim Allione


From the spirit of loving kindness; break the fucking mirror....

[BeansMama]

Nik,

I see you are struggling. Personally I don't want to see you go. You have helped me in more ways than I can count. You were one of the first to welcome me when I joined the board.

If you feel you need to just take a break. Lurk for a time until you feel ready to start posting again. There is PM when you need someone to talk to. Don't close off a valuable support system.

I will always keep you in my prayers.
Beans.

[teri3]

Nik you've been one of the few constants on here. But I understand the spirit gets weary. Take a pause and come back to us, you've been a big help to me and countless others.
HUGS<
Teri

[mypinkheaven]

Have you any idea to look upon your face in the mirror and not recognise it?

Yes, I've had that experience when I was terribly depressed - depersonalization. I worked through it, but it was hard. When I found out I had lung mets last June, I didn't want to go into another deep depression - I saw a psychiatrist and upped my meds. I took ativan for the overwhelming anxiety. Now I'm on chemo and, while I'm not happy-go-lucky, I feel like I'm doing all that I can and my mood is much better.

Talk to your psychiatrist or therapist. Talk to your oncologist. I really think you'll feel better once you have a plan in place.

Sally

[Pita]

Nik,

Can honestly say that I very seldom look in a mirror, I don't like what I see and feel and prefer to remember me inside and out as I was. Haven't been around here much, too depressed also but the fog is lifting slowly. Was feeling very selfish, didn't want to help anyone when I couldn't even help myself. Sigh... Getting better now and of course I can't ignore you. Think you were the first person that I messaged and talked with, you along with some others have always been my knights in shining armor (knightress?) filled with hope and sharing.

You Nik, help fill my soul up with life and hope, I so wish I could do the same for you. Understand if you need to bow out but please don't leave us forever, I and many others would be in so much pain not knowing how things are going for you and offer our prayers and hugs to you.

Best wishes, hugs, prayers and NED Nik... oxo Love you...

[TXLiz]

I am like you Pita. I try to not look in the mirror anymore. I hate my sad eyes and tired face. I look like an old tired lady. I look like a witch that lost her broom.

I know, there's the strong cancer fighters out kicking cancer's ass, blogging, juicing, celebrating each day, and then there's me: trying to eat and stay hydrated and looking at the cemetery less than a mile from my home, wondering when I'll be in it.

Hang in there Nik.

[ANDRETEXAS]

You're the author of your life
So if you feel you can't cope
Don't put a full stop on it
Battle through it and hope

You could just give up
But instead choose to fight
Battle in the darkness
Until you see light

Don't leave a short story
With words of your pain
But a story of strength
And the things you can gain

Just take the first step
Be strong in each hour
Carry on your story
And be proud of your power


----------Ashley Pullan

[Ajane]

Please stay, Nik.