On a Monday evening four months ago, I drove my son to the emergency room with severe abdominal pain. Ten days later when I drove him home he had a foot-long scar, a significantly shorter colon and, at the ripe old age of 21, his very own oncologist. As all of you are aware, lives can change on a dime. Up to that time my son had been living with buddies downtown in a rental house and enjoying college life. He has now moved back in with his mother and me and is half way through a 6 month FOLFOX regimen. His cancer tumor had grown through the colon wall but was not yet in the lymph nodes so it was Stage IIB (T4N0M0). It is particularly worrisome because it has so many of the risk factors associated with poor prognosis (obstruction, lymphovascular invasion, perineural invasion and poor differentiation).
His FOLFOX experience to this point has not been terribly bad (easy for me to say) and although he curtailed his classes for the current semester, he has continued working two part time jobs and has been very active. Oh to be 21 again. He plans to resume his classes next semester and should be able to finish next fall.
Neither he nor his mother are interested in discussing risks and potential outcomes. I get that. Head down and one foot after the other. When I first mentioned prognosis in my wife’s presence she told me that she did not want to hear another word about such things. I have not made it through 30 years of marriage without the ability to follow simple commands, so I have tortured myself with google for the most part in solitude. I came across this message board and have found comfort and inspiration in the courage and perseverance evidenced here.
I realize I am rambling a bit but I would like some feedback as regards to parenting. My son is a great kid and the opportunity I’ve been given to be his father is one that I do, and always will, cherish. But he has always been a free spirit and assuming he is cancer free (which he has absolutely no doubt of) when he finishes school I know he will want to hit the road. I know just as well that his mother (a former RN) will be determined to keep him close. I’m torn. The research I’ve read leads me to believe that his cancer has about a 1 in 3 chance of recurrence. If we pressure him to stay, I’ve no doubt that he would and there is certainly no one on the planet who would look after him better than his mother, but how long do you hold back a young man who just wants to put this behind him and get on with his life?
Anyway, it may be silly to worry about things that are a year away, but that’s part of my job and it keeps me occupied. If you made it this far, thanks for “listening”. My prayers and best wishes go out to you all.
Hey Daddy