Question...Cancer and privacy vs openness

[John72]

I told my friends and family, including extended family.

I keep a separation of my personal life and work, and rather resent those that don't. Where I work...it's a big entity with more than 40,000 employees and the gossip mill goes non stop. So I told my boss, the head of the division I work in, and less than a handful of people I consider my friends. To their credit, all know I'm a private person and kept my confidence. To express how crazy the rumor mill is, Once I returned, I heard that I had been away from work due to:

1. Gastric bypass surgery.
2. For the birth of a child(I don't even have kids).
3. I had been suspended.

There's a lot of reasons not to make a serious illness public at work.

[ktwmn]

Unfortunately I was forced by my boss to go public with mine, which creates an awkward situation. It is much better to be treated as a normal coworker than as Cancer. See viewtopic.php?f=1&t=51603&start=30&hilit=workplace

[ab123]

I went the open route and it worked for me. I immediately told friends and family, including my young children (5 and 7 at the time). The kids drew pictures of x-wing fighters shooting the death star after I described radiation treatment. I initially did this because my mother's brother died when he was 7 of leukemia and the family never talked about it - - and it really scarred the other kids in the family forever. Other friends and family really helped me work though it when I told the story too. It was extremely therapeutic for me to talk it through and work out my cancer story - what I was going through - in a weird kind of way it felt like I at least had control over the story and how I told it, which was sort of empowering in those dark moments of despair.

The theoretical downside is that people start treating you differently and you become identified with the disease. I worried about that some - and especially after treatment I started to feel like that at work and did eventually switch jobs - for a variety of reasons. I was a little quiet about it at the new job until it came time to raise money for a charity bike event for my cancer hospital . At that point I decided to come out about it and use the story for fundraising - it has been a powerful way to raise money. But probably the best thing about being public about my story which I didn't anticipate was that people who had been quiet about their own experiences came to me and told their stories. I think that part has been really helpful to them. Struggling in isolation is so much harder.

[TXLiz]

I wanted to be private. Like not telling my family beyond my kids and husband.

Alas, my husband had a freak out after my surgery and diagnosis and called his Mom and my Dad and spilled the beans.

Boy was I unhappy. I don't want anybody to know...but it's too late and I guess with my chemo there's really no hiding it.

We had to sign the paperwork for our new house in the realtor's office while my chemo pump contributed it's magic to the day and the line with toxic yellow poison oozed about. Guess there's no hiding that.

When I went to MD Anderson, my son and I were walking through a very crowded hallway, and a gentleman and his lady friend were discussing his diagnosis as we passed. She was in shock because he was repeating that he didn't even want his own kids to know he has a cancer dx. I felt deeply sad for this poor man and could completely understand his stance.

My onc said some people don't tell their family, and fight it alone. Then, when their dx has gone south and they are terminal, it's too late to do many things and the family is very sad and unhappy their loved one withheld info. They missed the chance to support and care for the cancer patient when it was needed.

I think it should be up to the person with the diagnosis. In my case, my family is not going to fly in to help me or our family. They may feel bad for me, but them "knowing" and sending me an email once a week, or month, with superficial "hope you feel betters" doesn't really comfort me.

I haven't gotten to the point where I am out trying to spread awareness yet. Maybe as I get more used to the my own predicament I will.