Mother in law

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Lydia666
Posts: 673
Joined: Sat Jun 06, 2015 6:50 pm
Location: Montreal, Canada

Mother in law

Postby Lydia666 » Fri Jul 22, 2016 2:09 pm

I'm having a breast cancer scare- turns out mammogram found calcifications in one breast. There will be a biopsy under the ultrasound next week , same week i have the reversal.
I freaked, of course, after two cancers and a mutation that predisposes me at other cancers including breast cancer. Turns out my MIL thinks i am not handling myself well and have not all throughout my rectal cancer. This has me fuming, it feels like she takes away from me the fact that i did my best and felt like I actually did well thru treatments. She also said for a second time that she would not want to be in my place. Hmmmm- tell me someone who would!! Why does she feel the need to say this??
Oct 2012- thyroid cancer
June 19, 2015 Dx@39 yrs- CRC-T3N1M0
No vascular, no perineural invasion
Aug-Sept 2015- 28 rad/5FU
Oct 28, 2015- LAR- temp ileo, neg. nodes- 0/11
March 2016- 6 rounds Xeloda/positive CHEK2 mutation
July 2016- ileo reversal
August 2016- DCIS
Feb 24,2017- prophylactic double mastectomy
May 2018 - clean CT
Sept 2018-clean scope
Devastation, total shock- oct 2018, invasion of peri mets
Mom to 4 & 7 yrs kids (6 mo. & 3.5 yrs at diagnosis in June 2015)

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GrouseMan
Posts: 755
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2013 12:30 pm
Location: SE Michigan USA

Re: Mother in law

Postby GrouseMan » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:56 pm

MIL's do say the damnest things! Mine while my wife was undergoing her colon resection at the hospital accused me of being responsible for my wife's cancer outside in the hallway of my wife's recovery room! Go figure! My wife's older sister overheard that, and much more after I had left for the evening. Saying that to someone that talked extensively about the importance of early detection and the need for new cancer drugs as I was an Anti-Cancer drug discovery scientist - Can you imagine just how angry that made me? Fortunately my wife's older sister read her mother the riot act. A few days later she called me specifically to apologize.

One needs to bite ones tongue when these thing happen.

Regards,

GrouseMan
DW 53 dx Jun 2013
CT mets Liver Spleen lung. IVb CEA~110
Jul 2013 Sig Resct
8/13 FolFox,Avastin 12Tx mild sfx, Ongoing 5-FU Avastin every 3 wks.
CEA: good marker
7/7/14 CT Can't see the spleen Mets.
8/16/15 CEA Up, CT new abdominal mets. Iri, 5-FU, Avastin every 2 wks.
1/16 Iri, Erbitux and likely Avastin (Trial) CEA going >.
1/17 CEA up again dropped from Trial, Mets growth 4-6 mm in abdomen
5/2/17 Failed second trial, Hospitalized 15 days 5/11. Home Hospice 5/26, at peace 6/4/2017

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CRguy
Posts: 9621
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Mother in law

Postby CRguy » Fri Jul 22, 2016 3:57 pm

I could probably say this more politely, BUTT in support of you I won't hold back.

I LIVE by this :
" Don't let small minded assholes drag you down to their level."

It is your life, your Journey, your body and ..... YOU gotta take care of YOU sista'.
Who gives a flying **** what the hell she thinks ? :twisted:

If you do, then you are a way nicer person than I am :oops:

JMO.

In support of YOU
Harmony
CRguy
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
11 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

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WriterGirl1969
Posts: 493
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2016 3:48 pm
Location: Central NY

Re: Mother in law

Postby WriterGirl1969 » Fri Jul 22, 2016 5:13 pm

Lydia666 wrote:I'm having a breast cancer scare- turns out mammogram found calcifications in one breast. There will be a biopsy under the ultrasound next week , same week i have the reversal.
I freaked, of course, after two cancers and a mutation that predisposes me at other cancers including breast cancer. Turns out my MIL thinks i am not handling myself well and have not all throughout my rectal cancer. This has me fuming, it feels like she takes away from me the fact that i did my best and felt like I actually did well thru treatments. She also said for a second time that she would not want to be in my place. Hmmmm- tell me someone who would!! Why does she feel the need to say this??


Lydia, so sorry you have to go through this extra scare. It's not like you haven't had enough to deal with. Sending some hugs and prayers that this will turn out to be nothing too bad.

With regard to your MIL's comments, consider this. Sometimes I feel as though the better I handle things, the more likely people are to forget what I'm actually going through. It's sort of a backhanded compliment. Maybe her insensitive thoughts are based on how good you actually did do. And even if that's not the case, why not just decide it is. ;-)

You and all of us know that getting through treatment at all is doing it well. You are a strong person. Everyone important knows that. :)

Hugs and prayers,
Tracy
DX 3/4/2016 Colon Cancer; age 46 Mom of 4-yr-old
Stage IIIB: T3N1M0
3/31/16 Left Hemi
4 to 10/2016: Xeloda Monotherapy
CEA: 10/16 0.56, 1/17 0.54
3/6/17 CT clear; 4/17/18 CT clear;
NED 2 years
“If I can help somebody as I walk along, then my living shall not be in vain.”

midlifemom
Posts: 1358
Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:58 am
Location: NJ

Re: Mother in law

Postby midlifemom » Fri Jul 22, 2016 5:44 pm

CRguy wrote:I could probably say this more politely, BUTT in support of you I won't hold back.

I LIVE by this :
" Don't let small minded assholes drag you down to their level."

It is your life, your Journey, your body and ..... YOU gotta take care of YOU sista'.
Who gives a flying **** what the hell she thinks ? :twisted:

If you do, then you are a way nicer person than I am :oops:

JMO.

In support of YOU
Harmony
CRguy


Cr guy. Love your attitude. Thanks for the smile, needed that tonight.
Stage 3 cc - dx Jan '14 age 53, cea 2.9
t2n2m0, KRAS mutant, MSS
Folfox Feb - Aug '14
Nov '14 cea 27.7 -2 liver masses
Dec '14 left lobectomy and HAI
Jan '15 FUDR and FOLFIRI
Aug '15 fudr done, liver clear, add avastin for lungs. Cea 4.3
Feb '16 CEA rising
May '16 2 wk break then drop Iri for 6 weeks.
Jul '16 cancer grew, constricted main bile duct. Stent inserted. On break till jaundice clears. CEA climbing. Doing reduced Folfox. Allergic to Oxali.
Sep'16 chemo failed. Trial or hospice?

Lee
Posts: 5690
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: Mother in law

Postby Lee » Fri Jul 22, 2016 7:50 pm

Lydia,

Through the years as a cancer survivor, you will find your real friends. Some you will find are TOTALLY CLUELESS. I believe your MIL falls into that last category.

Really :shock: , after dealing with one cancer, all the scary moments and your MIL thinks you are not handing this well. Where has she been?

I had (note past tense) a friend, something of a ding bat. Anyway, day of my surgery she came to visit me in hospital with a box of chocolate. Though I might enjoy them following my surgery :shock: My brother after she left asked me "does she have any idea what type of major surgery you had today. I told him probably not. I was 3 months out from my last chemo and had scans. All was clear, she responded, "so NOW can you put this cancer thing behind you and move on". I looked at her and said "if you look at the stats, my chances of being alive in 5 years are about 30%. Could you dismiss it so easy and move one". She dropped her jaw "how do you sleep at night". I responded "many nights, I do not sleep" Dingbat!

As CRGuy said it best Don't let small minded assholes drag you down to their level. I want to remember that one for future use.

Again, don't let her get to you,

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

AngelaN
Posts: 206
Joined: Tue Jan 28, 2014 9:00 pm
Facebook Username: angelamnicholas

Re: Mother in law

Postby AngelaN » Sat Jul 23, 2016 8:13 am

I could write a book with what my MIL has done TO HER SON (so it's not just MIL - its mothers too). We just decided we needed to edit people out of our lives who were hurtful or not helpful or supportive. Haven't spoke to her since Xmas Eve when she "disowned" my husband for bringing up the fact that he (who is in the middle of cancer treatment, 4 weeks post pneumothorax due to a complication) and I (who works full time) did everything for Xmas Eve dinner and we would have appreciated some help (maybe even from the alcoholic brother who the parents support). Honestly until a read a post like this, I don't even think about her. You don't need the negativity. Surround yourself with those who love and support you.
DH diagnosed with Stage 4 CRC Nov 2013
11 tx Folfox/Avastin; LAR/liver resection/introp RF of liver - May 2014
3 treatments FOLFIRI
Lung resection - Sept 2014
FOLFIRI + Avastin x 10 treatments
Avastin+5FU q3 weeks x 4
SBRT x 1 lung met
RFA for remaining 3 in Oct and Nov
SBRT for liver met Jan 16
lung mets growing
Enrolled in NIH TIL trial Oct 16
XRT for lung met 12/16
Cells didnt grow for TIL trial Feb 17
Waiting for NCT03085914 at Penn


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