4th cycles done but I cried

[Yelin]

On March, they told me I got stage iiic colon cancer, like most of ppl,I can not believe it , I think the Doctor was making joke.

31/3 bowel incision surgery
4 chemo have done and first two I felt OK for that, I hope it runs quicker and I can be back to human again. But when I knew the cancer recurrence rate for my same situation is about 40% and the doctors can not guarantee you they will cure it. I have been very depressed. I understood I should be positive but it's hard.

The first week of chemo, I am very sick, tired, finger spasm, taste change. I am now very scare to go to the treatment centre to keep it on.

T_T

[mypinkheaven]

Tell your doctor about your side-effects - maybe they can help make it easier for you.

Don't feel bad about not feeling positive. If crying helps, go ahead and cry. I know I do. What you're going through is very, very hard. The chemo won't last forever and you will feel better.

[AnnClare]

I agree. Tell your doctor about any and all side effects you're experiencing. He/she might be able to help ease some of them.

This is a difficult process. One of the things that sucks most is you feel crappy post-treatment, then begin to feel better and like yourself and then it's time to start the next cycle.
But it's TEMPORARY. I know it feels like it takes forever, believe me. I've got 6 down and potentially 6 more to go. The first four weren't so bad, physically. But these last two have left me with increased cold sensitivity and fatigue, not to mention the weepies!

You can do this. It will save your life. As for the 40% recurrence statistic - don't focus on that. One of the quotes I read after my Dx is, "Do not believe in statistics." You are a unique and individual being, not a number. Believe in what you're doing, even though it's unpleasant. This board is full of survivors who have gone through this hell and have come out on the other side.

Stay strong and please come here and vent, post questions, etc. as often as necessary. It's a great 'therapy', in my opinion.

[Ilovemyboys]

Hi AnnClare,
Just reading your post and signature. I was wondering why they initially diagnosed you with stage 3c? You only had 2 out of 20 lymph nodes positive on your pathology after surgery, right? Additionally, did your surgeon recommend that you have your ovaries and uterus removed? I noticed that you also removed those. Was this decision made during surgery while your surgeon was operating on you? I too have stage 3 rectal cancer...sigh.
Do you have kids?

I agree. Tell your doctor about any and all side effects you're experiencing. He/she might be able to help ease some of them.

This is a difficult process. One of the things that sucks most is you feel crappy post-treatment, then begin to feel better and like yourself and then it's time to start the next cycle.
But it's TEMPORARY. I know it feels like it takes forever, believe me. I've got 6 down and potentially 6 more to go. The first four weren't so bad, physically. But these last two have left me with increased cold sensitivity and fatigue, not to mention the weepies!

You can do this. It will save your life. As for the 40% recurrence statistic - don't focus on that. One of the quotes I read after my Dx is, "Do not believe in statistics." You are a unique and individual being, not a number. Believe in what you're doing, even though it's unpleasant. This board is full of survivors who have gone through this hell and have come out on the other side.

Stay strong and please come here and vent, post questions, etc. as often as necessary. It's a great 'therapy', in my opinion.

[Ilovemyboys]

Hi AnnClare,
Just reading your post and signature. I was wondering why they initially diagnosed you with stage 3c? You only had 2 out of 20 lymph nodes positive on your pathology after surgery, right? Additionally, did your surgeon recommend that you have your ovaries and Fallopian tubes removed? I noticed that you also removed those. Was this decision made during surgery while your surgeon was operating on you? I too have stage 3 rectal cancer...sigh.
Do you have kids?

I agree. Tell your doctor about any and all side effects you're experiencing. He/she might be able to help ease some of them.

This is a difficult process. One of the things that sucks most is you feel crappy post-treatment, then begin to feel better and like yourself and then it's time to start the next cycle.
But it's TEMPORARY. I know it feels like it takes forever, believe me. I've got 6 down and potentially 6 more to go. The first four weren't so bad, physically. But these last two have left me with increased cold sensitivity and fatigue, not to mention the weepies!

You can do this. It will save your life. As for the 40% recurrence statistic - don't focus on that. One of the quotes I read after my Dx is, "Do not believe in statistics." You are a unique and individual being, not a number. Believe in what you're doing, even though it's unpleasant. This board is full of survivors who have gone through this hell and have come out on the other side.

Stay strong and please come here and vent, post questions, etc. as often as necessary. It's a great 'therapy', in my opinion.

[AppleTree]

It is easy to let statistics give you the weepies! But I honestly believe alot of statistics are outdated and many factors are grouped together - some of which you might not even have. Stay strong! Tell your DR right away about any side effects.

[LeonW]

. . .feel better and like yourself, and then it's time to start the next cycle.

Yeah, but also remember that once the worst days are over, you'll slowly start feeling better again.

I found big comfort in the predictability of the cycles (was on the 3-week Capox cycle, though only 8 cycles fortunately). Learned to write off the first 3 days as a given, knowing that I'd start feeling better on day 4. From there every day would be easier until the final, chemo-free week-3 with living a near-normal life; my holiday week. Took these holiday-weeks as an opportunity to (carefully) celebrate another round under the belt with my dear ones, and to accumulate strength to face the next cycle. But knowing that there was another holiday-week on the horizon.

And don't focus on statistics. Focus on the things that you *can* influence, like trying to feel well despite the misfortune that brought you here.

Hugs, L

[Pita]

Hugs to you (((Yelin))) You must continue with your treatment, it gets easier as it becomes the norm and you will learn ways to make yourself feel better, ask your doctor! I would suggest stop reading the negative on the internet because "Reality is never as dark as the places your brain visits in anticipation" . I WANT TO LIVE and I refuse to believe that I am in the 40% diagnosis and I will do anything to survive!!!!!!

[Lee]

. . . But when I knew the cancer recurrence rate for my same situation is about 40% and the doctors can not guarantee you they will cure it. I have been very depressed. I understood I should be positive but it's hard.

The first week of chemo, I am very sick, tired, finger spasm, taste change. I am now very scare to go to the treatment centre to keep it on.

T_T

Agree with others, tell Dr. your symptoms. What chemo are you on?

I am 12 years out from a stage3C diagnoses. There are many people out there who are very much NED today from a stage 3 diagnoses. I have also know many people who were stage3, had a recurrence or a met butt would go on to be NED again without anymore prolems. Unfortunately after a while they tend to stop posting here except to update here and there.

My point. NEVER GIVE UP THE HOPE!

Lee

[Steve Marethyu]

I threw up ten times, including at pump disconnect, during my second treatment with Folfiri. I had hit a wall and didn't know if I could go on, or if I wanted to. After the first treatment, which wasn't much better, the doctor even offered to let me stop the irinotecan or treatment altogether, because I hadn't done well on chemo five years ago.

The morning of my third treatment, I called the local cancer support center and scheduled an appointment for a free counseling session. I got to the treatment center and was very honest with the nurse practitioner about how badly things were going. He listened, added multiple different new anti-emetics, and did a full exam, which in and of itself calmed me some, because I could tell that he was really taking his time. After throwing up 10 times during my second treatment, I haven't thrown up, or even hard more than moderate nausea the subsequent 3 Folfiri treatments or 4 more 5F-U treatments.

I had been having this anticipatory nausea and just overall sense of depression and hopelessness. In my first counseling session, the counselor gave me strategies to help me deal with those moments when I am dreading treatment. They were simple things like mediation and coloring (though I never actually got around to trying that.) Those moments which had come to dominate my life, are now few and far between. I think it was prayer, talking to my doctor, and to the counselor that led to the dramatic turnaround.

I am hoping to take a break from chemo soon, but I have gone a lot longer than I could have imagined back in February when I just felt miserable. I hope that you can find the same relief from your symptoms, so that you can get some of your life back and feel normal again. Is there a cancer support center in your area? (I discovered that calling was smarter than emailing. I emailed first and no one responded, which was why I was calling while my ride to treatment was waiting outside

[Steve Marethyu]

One of the drugs that helped me with treatments, both recently and five years ago, was getting a dose of ativan during the infusion. First, it calmed my nerves, which were honestly making things harder, and that I couldn't control. As importantly, it put me to sleep during most of the infusion. I didn't spend my time thinking about the drugs being pumped into me, or noticing how much sicker I was feeling. I just slept! Now this was bad for everyone else, as I snored enough to wake up the dead, but great for me Then, I'd find that I slept most of the afternoon once I got home as well.

The other things the doctors started giving me were Aloxi, Amend, and dexamethasone pills that I took at home for three days. I don't know if it was one of these (though I do swear by the Ativan shot), some or all of them in combination, but there was a huge turnaround for me.

They also offered me a patch, but I personally didn't like the one I tried 5 years ago, and since my symptoms went away, I didn't end up trying it. Everyone's different, though, so I hope they'll find something. You shouldn't have to feel so miserable during treatment. Chemo treatments are never going to be fun or easy, but it shouldn't completely ruin your quality of life. Your doctor should have ideas for how to make it better. Start trying things until something works.

[Nik Colon]

Stats are always going to be outdated for 5 yr survival because the current info is from patients who were diagnosed 5 years up to the most current data. If you look at the stats over the years, the survival stats keep getting better. Now we even have more treatments available and new science breakthroughs, so, try to think of the positive and not focus on the stats. Best wishes

[Yelin]

Thanks all, I feel better these few days, but next chemo will be on Monday .
The fourth chemo the nurse forgot to release the pump click and I didn't check it until 30 hours later. I found the whole ball and I called hospital, I was 11pm, the nurse answered the phone said she doesn't have any ideas about it. I then opened the click bravely. I called again next morning, they said its ok to keep it until the day after.

I should be very careful next time, checking it more frequently

[nomoretacos]

I can empathise, It is indeed tough both mentally and physically. I try my best to keep positive and I think i'm doing a good job, crying is good to let out your emotions but my eyes sting like crazy when I do so I try to avoid that. I just had my 6th infusion which I should be happy being at the half way mark but the end just seems so far away.

The 40% statistic my Onc said was based on surgery alone, but with chemo the stat goes up to around 70% which doesnt sound right to me but I didnt want to question her. My own expectations is 50% so could go either way in terms of a recurrance. But as others have stated don't focus too much on the stats as everyone is different. I'm just looking forward to the end of 12 cycles and then treating myself to a few well deserved holidays.

[Steve Marethyu]

I'm surprised that pump wasn't beeping at you. The first time I took the pump home it started beeping like crazy in the car. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I finally noticed that one of the clamps was closed. I never had a problem after that.

I'm also a bit surprised that the nurses didn't show you how to check the clamps. For example, when the pumps finishes, I was taught how to reclamp everything, and turn the pump off.