4th cycles done but I cried

[Steve Marethyu]

The 40% statistic my Onc said was based on surgery alone, but with chemo the stat goes up to around 70% which doesnt sound right to me but I didnt want to question her. My own expectations is 50% so could go either way in terms of a recurrance. But as others have stated don't focus too much on the stats as everyone is different. I'm just looking forward to the end of 12 cycles and then treating myself to a few well deserved holidays.

I'm thinking she probably was giving you stats on not having a recurrence, especially if it went up between surgery alone and surgery with chemo. If chemo increased recurrences, they wouldn't be making us take the stuff . (Edit: Or it could be a 5 or 10 year survival rate. That's how many studies measure the success of treatments.)

I think you have the right attitude, though, about it being 50-50. You do what you can by having surgery and chemo and then the rest is out of your hands. There's no use worrying about it, because you can't change what's going to happen by worrying. At least, that's what I tell myself. Though, I had a 90-95% chance of never having a recurrence, and as you can see in my signature, I beat, or was beat by the odds! Oh well, I'm still here 8 and a half years later!

[Nik Colon]

Thanks all, I feel better these few days, but next chemo will be on Monday .
The fourth chemo the nurse forgot to release the pump click and I didn't check it until 30 hours later. I found the whole ball and I called hospital, I was 11pm, the nurse answered the phone said she doesn't have any ideas about it. I then opened the click bravely. I called again next morning, they said its ok to keep it until the day after.

I should be very careful next time, checking it more frequently

Where I have went, they always have a second nurse double check. They do it with 2 people, one doing it and talking out loud, the other watching and making sure to check while they are. A double team action to make sure all is correct and nothing is missed.

[Nik Colon]

I'm surprised that pump wasn't beeping at you. The first time I took the pump home it started beeping like crazy in the car. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I finally noticed that one of the clamps was closed. I never had a problem after that.

I'm also a bit surprised that the nurses didn't show you how to check the clamps. For example, when the pumps finishes, I was taught how to reclamp everything, and turn the pump off.

I don't know if it's just my experience or the type of pumps, but I had 2 different kinds, the bottle type and the ball type, neither ever made any noise. I was also told heat increases the flow, if going too fast to not get too hot or cover it, etc. One I had a sensor taped to me, the other I don't think I did. Anyway, just to try to keep cooler if it was going too fast. Yes, I did have a couple times it went a couple hours early, one time many hrs. I learned to watch it more and watch my heat. After that, no issues.

[Yelin]

I'm surprised that pump wasn't beeping at you. The first time I took the pump home it started beeping like crazy in the car. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I finally noticed that one of the clamps was closed. I never had a problem after that.

I'm also a bit surprised that the nurses didn't show you how to check the clamps. For example, when the pumps finishes, I was taught how to reclamp everything, and turn the pump off.

I don't have a beep, I have a little ball in a plastic bottle to carry for 46hours, and 46 hours after, I have to return to the unit to get it disconnected .

[Yelin]

I can empathise, It is indeed tough both mentally and physically. I try my best to keep positive and I think i'm doing a good job, crying is good to let out your emotions but my eyes sting like crazy when I do so I try to avoid that. I just had my 6th infusion which I should be happy being at the half way mark but the end just seems so far away.

The 40% statistic my Onc said was based on surgery alone, but with chemo the stat goes up to around 70% which doesnt sound right to me but I didnt want to question her. My own expectations is 50% so could go either way in terms of a recurrance. But as others have stated don't focus too much on the stats as everyone is different. I'm just looking forward to the end of 12 cycles and then treating myself to a few well deserved holidays.

Do you have to finish 12 cycles? My first onc spec was a 65 years old guy, he told me 8 cycles, and all in a sudden, he disappeared, according to a receptionist, he has been disregarded from hospital as some policitc problem. But I remember he's very nice. They pointed out another younger lady 40s, she told me 12 cycles.

[Nik Colon]

I can empathise, It is indeed tough both mentally and physically. I try my best to keep positive and I think i'm doing a good job, crying is good to let out your emotions but my eyes sting like crazy when I do so I try to avoid that. I just had my 6th infusion which I should be happy being at the half way mark but the end just seems so far away.

The 40% statistic my Onc said was based on surgery alone, but with chemo the stat goes up to around 70% which doesnt sound right to me but I didnt want to question her. My own expectations is 50% so could go either way in terms of a recurrance. But as others have stated don't focus too much on the stats as everyone is different. I'm just looking forward to the end of 12 cycles and then treating myself to a few well deserved holidays.

Do you have to finish 12 cycles? My first onc spec was a 65 years old guy, he told me 8 cycles, and all in a sudden, he disappeared, according to a receptionist, he has been disregarded from hospital as some policitc problem. But I remember he's very nice. They pointed out another younger lady 40s, she told me 12 cycles.

This is an ongoing debate. The most current think 12 is overkill and can do more harm. Do what you can handle. If 12, great, if not, no worry. Also, please see my post about stats. Also, there is irinotecan if oxaliplatin is too much, you can ask about if you havent. Also trials and other things. Best wishes

[WriterGirl1969]

On March, they told me I got stage iiic colon cancer. The first week of chemo, I am very sick, tired, finger spasm, taste change. I am now very scare to go to the treatment centre to keep it on. T_T

Hi Yelin.
Like you, I'm in round 4 right now, so I wanted to chime in. I was diagnosed in March with colon cancer, which later was staged as 3 also. 1 lymph of 17, no distant mets, so Stage 3a. First 2 rounds with Xeloda were pretty uneventful. I was a bit more fatigued, especially when I got too warm, so I've managed by working with the lights off, AC up, and a fan on. This has helped a lot. However, end of round 3 and now with round 4 I am dealing with the more intense side effects. So I can completely identify with you when say you are scared to keep going. I have been having those same thoughts. Will they lower dosage? Will that change effectiveness? Should I go to a different regimen? Will it matter? Should I just quit the chemo altogether?

But then the fighter side kicks in and says, "Hang tough! Fight this crap! Don't give in or let it overcome you!" so I keep pressing on. It's so easy to want to give up, but you can't. I think of what I would say to my son if he was going through this, and then try to apply that advice to myself.

Also, consider that chemo can *DEFINITELY* mess with your endocrine system and hormones. I often had symptoms very similar to PMS during each round that I didn't even realize were part of my symptoms! They can make your depression worse, add to that feeling of wanting to cry a lot, etc. I echo what the other wise members have said, and recommend you talk to your doc so that they can help you manage the side effects that have you down.

And when needed, a good cry can be very cathartic. <:- )

Hugs and prayers from me, and I hope that you manage to find a way through this.
--Tracy

[Yelin]

On March, they told me I got stage iiic colon cancer. The first week of chemo, I am very sick, tired, finger spasm, taste change. I am now very scare to go to the treatment centre to keep it on. T_T

Hi Yelin.
Like you, I'm in round 4 right now, so I wanted to chime in. I was diagnosed in March with colon cancer, which later was staged as 3 also. 1 lymph of 17, no distant mets, so Stage 3a. First 2 rounds with Xeloda were pretty uneventful. I was a bit more fatigued, especially when I got too warm, so I've managed by working with the lights off, AC up, and a fan on. This has helped a lot. However, end of round 3 and now with round 4 I am dealing with the more intense side effects. So I can completely identify with you when say you are scared to keep going. I have been having those same thoughts. Will they lower dosage? Will that change effectiveness? Should I go to a different regimen? Will it matter? Should I just quit the chemo altogether?

But then the fighter side kicks in and says, "Hang tough! Fight this crap! Don't give in or let it overcome you!" so I keep pressing on. It's so easy to want to give up, but you can't. I think of what I would say to my son if he was going through this, and then try to apply that advice to myself.

Also, consider that chemo can *DEFINITELY* mess with your endocrine system and hormones. I often had symptoms very similar to PMS during each round that I didn't even realize were part of my symptoms! They can make your depression worse, add to that feeling of wanting to cry a lot, etc. I echo what the other wise members have said, and recommend you talk to your doc so that they can help you manage the side effects that have you down.

And when needed, a good cry can be very cathartic. <:- )

Hugs and prayers from me, and I hope that you manage to find a way through this.
--Tracy

Hi Tracy
How many cycles should you do? I was told like 12, I finished five this week, they reduced dose so my finger and feet were not too spasm, but I am very sensitive to cold weather, here's winter in Sydney. It's still a long way to go, another 7 cycles, I have the same feeling like you, I always want to give up but always told myself to be strong . It's not easy, not at all

[WriterGirl1969]

Hi Tracy
How many cycles should you do? I was told like 12, I finished five this week, they reduced dose so my finger and feet were not too spasm, but I am very sensitive to cold weather, here's winter in Sydney. It's still a long way to go, another 7 cycles, I have the same feeling like you, I always want to give up but always told myself to be strong . It's not easy, not at all

I think it's different for everyone depending on what you have and where (i.e. Rectal vs. Colon, etc.). As far as I know the standard is 8 rounds. So for me, doing the pill vs. IV, I would normally have 8 rounds of 3 weeks each, which is 2 weeks on, 1 week off. However, I'm seeing my onc today and will be informing them that we will be changing to a 1 week on 1 week off regimen, which will extend my overall time by 3 weeks to get the same amount total. So yep, still about 4 months to go, but each dose is one dose closer to the end. I think I find it's better when I have a lot going on so that I can't think about it too much. Hence the reason why since being diagnosed I've finished 2 books, and have a 3rd in progress. It keeps me busy and my mind is definitely not on the gross meds I have to take.

So can I ask - what are the spasms? Are they muscle cramps? Or more like twitches? I ask because I get a *LOT* of foot and leg cramps, especially toe cramps, although I think that's related more to my peripheral neuropathy than it is to my chemo.

--Tracy

[nomoretacos]

I'm also in Sydney and yes the weather sucks when you are super sensitive to the cold, it doesn't matter how much you wear just breathing in the air is uncomfortable.

I have 6 more cycles to go, I feel exhausted just thinking about it.

Goodluck to you, stay positive and keep warm!

[Yelin]

Hi Tracy
How many cycles should you do? I was told like 12, I finished five this week, they reduced dose so my finger and feet were not too spasm, but I am very sensitive to cold weather, here's winter in Sydney. It's still a long way to go, another 7 cycles, I have the same feeling like you, I always want to give up but always told myself to be strong . It's not easy, not at all

I think it's different for everyone depending on what you have and where (i.e. Rectal vs. Colon, etc.). As far as I know the standard is 8 rounds. So for me, doing the pill vs. IV, I would normally have 8 rounds of 3 weeks each, which is 2 weeks on, 1 week off. However, I'm seeing my onc today and will be informing them that we will be changing to a 1 week on 1 week off regimen, which will extend my overall time by 3 weeks to get the same amount total. So yep, still about 4 months to go, but each dose is one dose closer to the end. I think I find it's better when I have a lot going on so that I can't think about it too much. Hence the reason why since being diagnosed I've finished 2 books, and have a 3rd in progress. It keeps me busy and my mind is definitely not on the gross meds I have to take.

So can I ask - what are the spasms? Are they muscle cramps? Or more like twitches? I ask because I get a *LOT* of foot and leg cramps, especially toe cramps, although I think that's related more to my peripheral neuropathy than it is to my chemo.

--Tracy

Hi Tracy

I mean the muscle of fingers sudden involuntary contraction, and I also feel the nerve of foot cramp ,but they reduced the dose this cycle so I feel better. I think you should let your onc know about that, they can adjust the dose for you.
I went to see psychologist this morning, this is the first time to talk to him about my concern. I will see him regularly every Sunday. I was very healthy before and have a full time job, all in a sudden, I am sick, I quit my job and now are very frustrating. I am struggling to go back to the track it's hard.
It's great you have finished two books, I have finished one and half. I tried to do maditation and yoga when I feel better, what exercise are you doing? I also see dietitian every month, do you keep your weight very well?

[Yelin]

：D I have finished all 12 cycles and my blood test shows cea =1， CT reports shows all clear.. does thus mean I have done the first part???? Cancer battle is a long trip

[ab123]

Way to go. It's a long trip but you're making it through. So many of us have made it through and survived. You will too. Stay strong.

[fumaros]

:D ：D I have finished all 12 cycles and my blood test shows cea =1， CT reports shows all clear.. does thus mean I have done the first part???? Cancer battle is a long trip

Congratulations, you have finshed a part of it. Stay healthy.

[Nik Colon]

Congrats!