People Minimalize What Is Happening to Me

[Newmol]

I had a right Hemicolectomy 10 days ago. I am recuperating well having a small amount of discomfort at this point but I am still experiencing sudden loose bowel movements. My issue is this. Though I am still waiting for the biopsy report from the surgery but the ones from the two colonoscopies indicate that the cancer was caught early. People have made comments to me and to others that "It is not a big deal since it was caught really early" or " I had a pre-cancerous polyp and it was nothing" or "it sounds like it is pre-cancer and not really cancer" or worse "Why did your doctor remove so much of your colon for such a little thing?" People may be minimalizing this to try to offer me comfort but instead it makes me feel maybe I am overacting to what is happening. This IS a big deal to me! Am I exaggerating the seriousness of what I am going through?

[DarknessEmbraced]

You are not minimizing at all! It's a major surgery and recovery takes a while. Cancer is cancer no matter the size! *hugs* No are not overreacting at all!*hugs* I had half of my rectum and half of my sigmoid removed. I had 23 staples in my incision. It took me a long time to recover especially my stamina. The surgery changes everything and your diagnosis really upsets your sense of security!

[Lydia666]

I had a right Hemicolectomy 10 days ago. I am recuperating well having a small amount of discomfort at this point but I am still experiencing sudden loose bowel movements. My issue is this. Though I am still waiting for the biopsy report from the surgery but the ones from the two colonoscopies indicate that the cancer was caught early. People have made comments to me and to others that "It is not a big deal since it was caught really early" or " I had a pre-cancerous polyp and it was nothing" or "it sounds like it is pre-cancer and not really cancer" or worse "Why did your doctor remove so much of your colon for such a little thing?" People may be minimalizing this to try to offer me comfort but instead it makes me feel maybe I am overacting to what is happening. This IS a big deal to me! Am I exaggerating the seriousness of what I am going through?

People say terrible things- i had people minimize my cancer and going overboard too like 'how much time do docs give you'- it's awful and a constant struggle for me. When i had genetic testing indicate i have a faulty gene that makes me prone to all sorts of cancer, someone said : we probably all have that if we got tested! Drives me nuts! So basically, my advice, try to ignore people's comments- they just don't know what to say like we probably would not know what to say to other people's problems.

[mypinkheaven]

Of course it's a BIG DEAL! I'm glad your recuperation is going well, but it's still very hard. And waiting for biopsy results is not easy.

I'm sure the people are trying to comfort you, but many people are uncomfortable talking about cancer and end up saying things that aren't "comforting" - even though they mean well. Don't let the comments get to you. You are not exaggerating the seriousness of what you're going through.

[Noon32316]

You're not overreacting and your worries are completely legit. Your health is serious business. I agree with the comment about people being uncomfortable talking about cancer and illness in general. Some just have difficulty translating good intentions and concern into comforting words. They may minimize the situation or downplay it thinking that will ease your fears and anxiety so you or they simply just don't know that much about the condition. I wish you the best.

[Colon King]

There is a way out of the suffering of dealing with people's ignorance and stupid comments.

And truly, the comments you've received come from sheer ignorance and lack of knowledge.

The Way Out is a one word mantra that will calm you down when you are on the receiving end of people who say foolish things in the hopes of comforting you? themselves?

That word is: COMPASSION.

Have mercy on these poor souls, who are really trying to make you feel better. they are trying their best. They are usually in denial. You can't possibly have anything serious because it just doesn't happen to people like you; it happens to other people.

Once you accept that this is they way THEY deal with grief - minimizing, denying, challenging, avoiding - it will open your heart from anger to mercy.

[tarheelmom]

Newmol - it is a big deal. You have had major surgery that removed a significant part of your anatomy that may leave you with life long (but manageable) effects. I am in a similar situation in that my tumor was detected early enough to put in a Stage 1 category, but I still had to have two surgeries, wear a bag of poop for a few months, and now have new plumbing that will never be as good as the initial. People consistently say, "Oh it was caught early so you'll be fine." "It's great that all you need is surgery." "My (put in a random relative) had it much worse and now he/she is wonderful and just ran a marathon." While they are all well meaning, the right thing to say is, "I'm so sorry. What can I do to help you." If someone had part of their arm removed and their elbow connected to their wrist, people would be aghast, but that is what resection does to many of us - it's just not visible. Sorry for the rant - you struck a chord with me.

All the best for your recovery.

[cancer2015]

I do believe that people mean well, they just don't THINK before they talk. No matter what stage how big or small, CANCER is CANCER!! It effects us for you the rest of our lives! Not just the scar on the external that we can all see, but ever aspect of us! I had someone tell me that Colon cancer is the BEST type of cancer to get. REALLY?? My response was my colon didn't get that memo.... WOW really??? Hugs to you and hoping biopsy has good news!!

[Pyro]

Not cancer, but a survivor of Boston bombings. Good bit on people saying stupid things and great Ted talk.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QuaIMgzIOn8

[horizon]

Wow. Those comments are unbelievably clueless and/or cruel.

[LaciK]

People are clueless! I have not shared my cancer with many people outside of my close family and friends and what you are describing is partially why. I've heard the "best cancer to get" too. I want to ask them if they hear themselves? Why would you put best and cancer in the same sentence? Hello! They all seem sucky to me and I bet if it was happening to them they wouldn't minimize it.

Anything that impacts your ability to make it to the bathroom in time or causes gastrointestinal upset can be very difficult to deal with both physically and mentally.

I had my reversal surgery and now I am on the 4th Xelox adjuvant chemo out of six (2 prior and 4 after my reversal). It's been very rough lately. Has anyone noticed how food centric our society is and how much food there is on TV?

I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes it's difficult.

Keep the faith and try to keep in mind that their responses are about them and not you. Have you checked out the cancer owl cartoons about things people say? They made me laugh and realize that I wasn't alone in my frustration.

Good luck in your journey and take care.

[stu]

Hi.
I am not the patient and despite working in health care for years I was shocked by the comments. Whilst recognising they were out of their depth I decided early on to filter who to tell and not make the details fully public. Selecting a few people who were careful worked best for us.
Take care
Stu

[Nichoebe]

People say the stupidest things very insensitive and not thought out. I also found some people treated me like they would " catch" it I had to say you can't catch it it's not the flu. Also keep in mind some just don't no what the hell to say. It's a tough deal but f@&k anyone who minimizes this sick trip we're on it ain't no fun and I like to see the ones who talk take a walk in our shoes then we'll see what they say. Just keep on keeping on do what you can follow Drs orders and live your life as you can and mostly ignore asshole people and stick with the good ones I know I found out who my real friends are
Stay Strong
Fight The Fight

[Nik Colon]

Sadly, people who don't understand will not understand. Try not to let it get to you. Hugs

[Newmol]

You have no idea what your responses mean to me. You have validated my feelings and given me strength as no one else can. Thank you.

I will be getting the biopsy results from the surgery on Monday.