Rant

[Nik Colon]

One of the things I hate most about cancer...everyone thinks about their life and how your cancer affects them, how their life is affected by your disease or what they would do without you. They don't care what you have to go thru, they want you to fight for THEM! Sorry, I just had to say that. It's unfair to us all, but what about US? I just feel no one cares how I feel, only how they feel.

[Andrea1976]

Hi Nik,
I can't sleep either. You are always here to support others. Try to get some sleep!!! I am starting to read about Sisi an empress:-) ha, ha

This could be you:
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=48621

[Nik Colon]

Hi Nik,
I can't sleep either. You are always here to support others. Try to get some sleep!!! I am starting to read about Sisi an empress:-) ha, ha

This could be you:
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=48621

Thank you
Funny thing, altho you said sisi, made me think of sisu, my bf's dog when we were young. Both are gone now, but the name popped right in my head.

I have not been down about my situation until my last scan. I have always been positive about it until now. Not sure if it's just a delayed reaction or new fear.

Sisu is finnish... https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisu

Sisu is a Finnish word that cannot be translated metaphrastically into the English language, loosely translated to mean stoic determination, bravery, guts, resilience,[1][2] perseverance and hardiness,[3][4] expressing the historic self-identified Finnish national character.

Wow, I didn't know it meant that! Weird

[Andrea1976]

Nik,
That's a cute name for a dog!!! I think people around don't understand what you are experiencing. If you haven't had Cancer you don't get it. My mom is breast cancer survivor and she gets it!!! The truth is that we don't know how long we have in this world. You could be healthy and die tomorrow. You could have Cancer and live 30 more years...

[Soccermom2boys]

Wow--your rant definitely struck a chord with me, I hear ya! I am made to feel like I am hurting other people's feelings by being honest with them on how much I do or don't want to share--like what the hell, I am the one going to sleep at night with cancer and all of the emotional and physical trauma it brings with it! So so frustrating-why aren't we allowed to feel and deal the way that works for US?! I love my mother but I have to admit I am so frustrated with her because I didn't feel like talking to the rest of my family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) about my cancer and she is worried about their feelings like I am being rude. Not everybody needs to know everything and really, it's all crappy stuff anyway, why would I want to just talk about how miserable I am?

Just sucks we have to deal with this--thank God we have each other on this forum. I mean really, no one gets it like we do! Thanks for posting, again, helped to remember I am not alone in my feelings! Rant as often as needed and know that I and the rest of the gang are right beside you!

[chrissyrice]

Hey Nik... you always help me process the shit in my head

Thanks so much for your rant ... I am with you.

Chrissy

[ktwmn]

I can so relate to many of the emotions expressed here... I started getting letters and phone calls (again!) from people I barely know because my mother has been blubbering to them about "her" tragedy, and now I have to make all these people she shared her bad news ( about me) feel better...this is one of the hardest things (for me), dealing with family of origin planning my funeral, trying to make those people living half a continent away feel better after I am spoken "for"...Which amounts to being more about her than about me. Meanwhile I am trying to live my life, keep working full time because ssdi doesn't pay enough to pay my medical bills, it's not useful for single people. What a mess this country is in vis. healthcare, people like me just get bilked repeatedly, I sure hope the next life is a little easier. Sorry for MY rant! Didn't mean to hijack your thread Nik!

[Felicitym23]

So glad I am not the only one feeling these emotions.

I was told when I was in hospital by a family member who wanted to see me but I felt so unwell. "Its not all about you".

I feel like if I tell people how I am really feeling that I am making them feel bad but they have no idea what I am truly going through.

I am glad we have these groups where we can fit in and understand each others journey.

Felicity

[Nik Colon]

Thank you all for the replies and sharing your feelings. It helps talking to people who can relate.

[AppleTree]

For years, my son's very best friend was the next door neighbor. The age difference was about 80 years. The year of her death (she was well into her 90's and still played the organ every week at church), she told him point blank that she wouldn't be around forever, but that she had had a good, full life and was happy. She told him not to be sad for her when she died. He promptly told her that he would not be sad for her - she would be in Heaven having a good time. He would be sad for himself because he would miss her so much. Children are so honest.

Having said that, I get your rant. Really.

[Cowgirl918]

You always seem to bring out the blunt and raw honesty in all of us. I thank you for that. I share your feelings. The normal rules should not apply when you have this disease. I am tired of saying I feel fine so I won't worry anyone. I am tired of saying I will do something or go somewhere when I don't want too.i am mostly tired of acting like I am no different than anyone else with my oxygen machine safely stored in my room. Thanks Nik for letting us hijack your rant. We are lucky to have you. Some days are just crappy (pun) !!

[Nik Colon]

Thank you