mum's cancer has spread - no more hope

[Mali]

hello friends

thanks rochelle for your previos reply.

i have terrible news. yesterday night mum called from the hospital to tell me she had been given full review of latest cat scan. not only has the cancer now spread to her lungs but has also spread over her body - near her heart, her left breast, her intestine (again), near her throat and her kidneys.

friends, i am now resigned to the fact that i shall lose my mum (best friend, confidante) sooner than i thought. i am going to be strong and happy (however strange the happy bit may sound) around her and going forward. i want her to see a daughter that will make strong steps through life and not one that is crumbling.

i'm so tired. i had the metal taken out of my wrist yesterday and what with all the painkillers and mum being so terribly ill i think i'll take a nap this afternoon.

i no longer hold on to hope for mum, i doubt there is anything else that can be done. i only hope now that her pain can be controlled and that when it comes to her last days that she will be free from any suffering.

in the meantime she wants us (mum, dad, my 10 year old boy and i) to go away for a week.

i'm looking into it.

i hope to hear from my friends at colon club.

i need you more than ever now
mali

[Mali]

thank you so much holly

your words are dear to me.

you're right, as sandy is with you now and always, so will my mum be with me.

but i am scared that when i will need her, maybe her memory and what she would have advised me will become more distant. i will look deep into her photos, and into her eyes, and i will hear her voice and hear what she has to tell me. i hope i will always be able to do this.

but while she is with me here and now i will reap the best of every moment spent with her.

thank you for your story, holly

with love
mali

[Rochelle]

Hi Mali
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you will make the best of the time you have left with your mother. As a person who lost her mother of 48 years of age when she was 28 years old to a painful illness, I know that life can only be taken one minute at a time when experiencing such grief.

If it is of any consolation, after my mother's passing and much pleading with God, I did receive a message that she is happy and at peace. Speaking of peace, I have photos of my mother which I can sense her trying to communicate with me; that bond hasn't been broken even in death.

Trying to find the right words to express to you that I have some kind of concept of what you are going through is difficult. Just know that there is nothing that will ever be able to take away the happy memories you have shared together.

Rochelle

[Magnolia]

You and your mom are in my prayers.

[michele]

Mali,

My heart breaks for you. My prayers will be with you that you can be strong for your mom. But, I hope you also allow yourself to let you other feelings out also.

I think a trip together sounds like a fabulous idea. Hopefully, you will gain some great memories to carry you through some rough days ahead.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

michele

[Dot]

Hi Mali;

Got your message. When you can, tell me what happened to your wrist.

Mali, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. Taking the family trip will be what you all need. I picture you spending time somewhere where it is peaceful, near nature, possibly on the coast.

You and your Mom have a bond, you will never forget her or the special times you have had. I think the only thing that will lessen is the feeling of the pain you are going through. I wouldn't worry about crumbling in front of her. She knows you are a strong and wonderful woman. You are a devoted mother and daughter. You need to know that all the way across the Atlantic, that is how I see you. Know that I am sending you a big hug from me. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

When Bob was first diagnosed a friend said to me "God would not give you more than you can handle, I just wish he didn't trust you so much!" The same goes for you.

Take care, send me a message when you can.

Love Dot

[Karen]

Hello, Mali.

I am the 2006 Colondar's Ms. July, Karen. I just read your messages and am sorry to hear of the turn of events.

I wondered if the thought of you being 'scoped had come up? I have two daughters that are 26 & 28 who need to be scoped at age 27. I would give anything to have my daughters not experience colon cancer, if there was a way to prevent it. There is; colon cancer screening. I cannot convince my youngest daughter to get 'scoped. I always wonder if she would be convinced if she would read these messages? I cannot approach her on the issue.

I think you are brave and strong. You did what you could to help and worked with the folks here on the message board who care and understand you and your situation. Best of luck to you and certainly, keep in touch..we care.

[mags1161]

Hi!

Mali- I am sorry for what you have to go through with your mom. You're in my thoughts.

Karen- remind your daughters that colon cancer happens to young people too. I was 21 when I was diagnosed. When I have children, they will have to be scoped when they are 11. One day of discomfort is certainly worth the peace of mind knowing you are OK!

Maggie

[Mali]

thans all of you. i have to keep this so short, i'm so uncomfortabl at the computer because of my right arm. just had metal rods taken out and am devastated at hoe it looks. so scared i will have this disability for all my life, i find it hard to stay positive. (broke wrist badly.) it now looks like it's been mangled and so uncomfortable.

know that i appreciate your words so much and as with my 2 closest friends from here, dana and dot, you are such a comfort, each and every one.

the day after mum gave me the devastating news, her consultant came to see her. he said that it is not as grave a situation as we think. he even said that he believes the larger metastasis in the liver has shrunk a very small amount. he plans to continue mum on xeloda.

so, we have been given a whisper of hope that she may be with us a little longer, but this does not take away the fact that it has spread so widely across her body. a part of me wonders if the oncologist is just trying to soften the blow, but i doubt it, he is a wonderful man who is forthright.

i'm in pain and i need to go.

i'm tired of all this bad stuff happening. thank god for you guys, who help keep me more positive.

getting myself scoped? maybe you're right. i'll look into, but only when i feel a little stronger.

with love
mali

[Magnolia]

Mali,

A chapter from my favorite book, The Anatomy of Hope, discusses cases in which hope for cure is gone. Then hope has to be redefined. We can hope for more quality time, a few more beautiful moments, or we can even hope for the things that will live on after us. Hope never dies. It sounds like your mom may well have a bit more happy time with you and the rest of her family. One thing a cancer diagnosis taught me, each and every day is a blessing, at least as long as pain is controlled. Enjoy the time you have with her. You are a very special daughter. I know you're mom will leave this world feeling blessed to have had you in her life.

[Holly]

Mali,

You are very welcome. Know that you and your mum are in my continued thoughts and prayers.

Hugs!

Holly