Approaching the End...

[Petit83]

Thank you all for your words of support and for reading my lengthy posts.
I have been out of this forum lately because my moms condition has worsen. We decided to peruse for whole brain radiation and things were becoming more and more difficult. She is been experiencing a lot of communication problems until she went silent on Thursday. Later over the weekend her balance was off and her body was leaning towards the right side as well as her head..like she had lost all her strength. I decided to call the doctor because i didn't thinks these were sings of whole brain radiation. They sent us to the emergency room for stroke. She was admitted immediately and a ct scan revealed that the tumors in her brain were bleeding. The doctor assured me that this is not a result of WBR but the cancer. They are doing and an MRI to determine the extend of the damage and kind of help us make decisions. They told us that she will stay at the hospital.
I kind of want to take my mom to home and let her die there. But at the same time don't know if we will be able to handle her care. I will post more when we get more results from the MRI.
Feeling sad and that the end that I was expecting for my mom hasn't been as peaceful.

[HopeForJesse]

So sorry. Big prayers for peace and guidance for you and your family.

[Snapfish]

Saying prayers for you and your family.

-snapfish

[ams5796]

I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts.


Ann

[chrissyrice]

I know how hard it is to let go of a loved one. You are so brave and have fought so hard for her to get better.

You and your mom did everything possible to make sure she would not suffer now.

Comfort and peace and discernment in the days ahead.

Chrissy

[Nik Colon]

I am so sorry hugs

[KElizabeth]

I'm sending prayers for your strength in the days ahead. Hugs.
Elizabeth.

[ziggymonster]

I am very sorry to hear this, hoping for comfort for both you and your mom.

[jhocno197]

I am sorry.

[jortego128]

Very sorry as well. Spend as much time with her as you can and help her in any little way possible. I will continue to pray for yall.

[Petit83]

It has been over a month since my mom left the hospital with only " days or few weeks left" to live. It certainly has not been easy but we have been blessed with her presence still here with us.

I was reading the other day in this forum how little we all know about those last weeks of life and how difficult is to find people that you can relate in this phase since you don't want to discourage any one who is still on treatment. But If you would like to follow, I will try to share with you as my time and energy permit. Perhaps I can help someone who is struggling walking a similar path. I must say thou that many of her symptoms are unlikely to happen to many of you since the most affected part is not her liver but her brain.

This last site has been the most challenging for our houspice nurses to deal with. They say that since it effects are so unpredictable and any part of the body can be affected it is difficult to foresee what will be next.
My mom is not walking since WBRT and has lost her ability to communicate since then. She has had something called aphasia palalia where she gets stuck on a word and repeats is over and over for about 8 minutes straight. She gets very agitated and tired. She gets anxious and desperate. We do too! The fact that she is not able to communicate diminishes our ability to give her the best care. We don't know where her pain is, is she is uncomfortable on the bed, if she needs to use the restroom, or wants to drink. We are in the guessing game most of the day when she moans. This breaks my heart into pieces!

Another difficult thing has been to find the right balance between her pain meds and her ability to be lucid and try to communicate at a certain level. Or the right balance between the pain meds and the horrible constipation they cause. she went constipated for about 5 days and it was awful! We are now in max doses of laxatives after we figured what was the right amount of laxativeS and medication for her.

Besides the medication and all the daily care bathing, changing sheets, making shakes and moving her around her bed and the bathroom, there is the emotional Side. Fist I'm glad she is home and not in the hospital. We have been able to spent time with family and friends without restriction. She feels comfortable most of the time and all
this is a blessing from God. Our friends have brought us dinner every day for the last month! There are so many good people around. I can't complain, I just wished this will make me feel this process is easier. Sometimes I feel I'm ready to let her go, some other times I think I'm not. Like today... But I miss her so much already..

[KElizabeth]

Hold in there. This period is so rough on patient and family alike. Try to get some rest and remember you are doing an amazing job caring for your mom. Your words remind me of my experience caring for my own mother in her last days. It's such an important time to spend together but so challenging.
Thanks for sharing with us.

[midlifemom]

Thanks for sharing Petit.