"I am PRAYING for a complete response as I have decided after much reflection that I would rather end my life than undergo a surgery that would leave me with a bag."
I really hope everything works out for you, but I wanted to pull this statement out of your post. When I first got diagnosed I was like you, concerned, worried and uneducated on what the future is going to be. When they told me I would have to temporary bag, i was like what is that, and what!!! After Chemo Radiation I was for 6 months NED, nothing, scopes showed no cancer. Then it came back with a vengeance, to my liver and the same spot in the rectum. PRS and others did Chemo right after chemo radiation and are now NED, thank god for them, very happy for them. I wish I did Chemo (FOLFOX) right after chemo radiation but I was nervous, uneducated and thought this was all a dream I am cured, why do I need to do anything.
Anyways fast forward and I have stage 4 cancer now, after the six months of nothing showing up. I did FOLFOX great response and did surgery April 2018. LAR surgery/Liver Resection Surgery and Temporary Ileostomy. The ostomy was no problem at all. I hardly noticed it and it was like clockwork easy to manage.
I had recurrence after recurrence and eventually after they reversed my bag for 1 year it was horrible. pooping myself, can't hold it, bathroom for 45 minutes + random trips the bathroom multiple times 6-12 times a day. It just never got better. So because of my recurrence I told the doctor give me a permanent colostomy bag. I have never been more happy. I mean you get a stealth belt and people can hardly see it.
Giving up life just because of the bag is the most selfish thing I ever read in my life, I know I am being harsh. If you have a family or loved ones, they would not want you to think like this. Permanent bag is not bad, don't sweat it, if you do get surgery and you get a perm bag, you will see its part of you and you will adapt to it and move forward. The most important thing for you is to be cancer free. That's is the MOST important thing, anything other then that should not even cross your mind, especially a bag.
Plus to my wife's chagrin I teabag her with my bag all the time....Just kidding LOL but I do mess with her like walk up to her and while she is on the computer bang her with my bag and she is like what the hell. LOL...
Best of luck too you
Riki.