Sick to my stomach and a nervous wreck

[midlifemom]

Travelgirl - or should we call you Kleenexgirl ?
So sorry you're continuing to have this rough of a time.
This is part of the waiting crap we all go through in the beginning. Enough still isn't known and its the fear of the unknown that puts us into such a frightened state.
Breathe. As the docs accumulate more info that allows them to develop a plan
Breathe. Once you have a plan you can begin to fight the bastard cancer.
Just take one day at a time or even 5 minutes at a time. You will get through this.
Sign on for more encouragement whenever you need it.

[spinnz]

[*]And in response to being mad about the first two GI's ummmm.. I am beyond livid. I already made smart mouth comments to Nurse Ratchett employed by the second GI I saw. He was suppose to remove the polyp. Instead he probed it, poked it and tattooed it. His nurse Ratchett said they forgot to order the sonar radar equipment that scans the area for depth of invasion. which set my mouth off and I said you mean to tell me you risk people's lives putting them under anesthesia and charge them for improper work? I go that sounds like medical fraud if you ask me. Well three minutes later the doctor called trying to do damage control. He claimed my twisted colon made it difficult to use the equipment and he was afraid he would of poked a whole in my colon. I asked about then getting a CT scan? He said Ct scans were worthless. I swear he told me that.

yup, it happens!!! I was rushed to the hospital in September, told that I had a complete perforation of an duodenal ulcer because of the amount of blood. Oops, no, its not an ulcer they discover after brutal endoscopy without enough sedation. ( they restrained me physically) Then I had scans... My IVs were going bad because I have a bleeding disorder, but they did it anyway, and SURPRISE! The scan was bad. According to the two docs I was dealing with, I was still too ill to handle the prep for a colonoscopy. So they looked at the bad scan, diagnosed me with diverticulitis, and sent me home. I was still bleeding and bloated.

I know it is hard to relax now that you have docs that actually use all of that training they were put through, but try, even if it takes some pharmaceutical assistance. I was diagnosed with PTSD after my first hospitalization and am being treated for that with therapy and happy pills. It looks like they are on the right track.

[jortego128]

Im very sorry to hear about your condition, but take heart, you have a legitimate reason to stay positive. Being Lynch positive/MSI High means you have a much better chance at responding to PD-1 and PD-L1 immunotherapies-- so even if surgery doesnt get it all, you have options that most CRC patients do not. Right now these therapies are only available in clinical trials, but may soon be offered outside of them.

[Travelgirl]

Oh god it is 3 am I can't even sleep . In my little sleep I get, I end up having a panic sttact in my dreams.

I really don't think this is good.

Are people able to survive Cecum cancer?

My side aches I think that is a symptom along with my acid reflex. Not counting the fifteen millimeter polyp. That is cancerous.

I hope everything I am reading on the Internet is wrong. Does anyone know of a site with up to date current information?

Everything I read is like reading your own death sentence. Plus all these doctors responses to my questions, well they make me think too much into it..

Like I asked the Mayo doctor? Should I plan my trip around the world? The answer "yes go ahead and start planning."

The first doctors words, "I think I saved your life? In about six months you would be coming in here systematic and I would be telling you,nthat you have three years max to live and your gonna be dead."

The second doctor. I asked how long do I have to get this polyp out? Now I wonder if his answer of one to two years max? Well if that was a slip of words? Cause he actually looked like he was in a state of shock, when in walked into the room. My husband and I got the feeling that my colonopscopy tramatized the living hell out him.. He looked stone white talking to us.

Could both of these doctors really be this inept? And my symptoms of H Pilori and Gerd with the bonus find of a cecum ulcer/polyp, along with an aching right side be the real signs of cecum cancer? My eyes have also been glassy for several months? Is that a sign of cancer too?

How could an emergency room doctor overlooked, 2 Gi' Dr's don't see? Along with Mayo just giving me extra special diligent medical service.( I never been there before, it is like your checking into the Ritz Carlton if it was a hotel)

My out there mind suspects that this being A right sided cecum cancer. It is considered a rare colon cancer accounting for only 15 to 20% percent of all colon cancers? Did Mayo wanted me as part of a medical study project. My guess? Cause everyone I tell that I was able to get an appointment as a self referral in two weeks. People tell me they waited months or were told they don't have openings for two years out. I got asked who I Knew to get in that fast?

And then, I hate to tell you about the last eleven years of dealing with doctors. My family doctor and the doctor he sold the practice too.. Who thought some of my complaints were all in my head? That I was overreacting cause my mom just died and then my grandma died. My husband was just as bad saying your just stressed and depressed. Loosing your mom.

My mom and I were very close we worked together everyday. I grew up along side her in the travel agency. So they thought some of my complaints were caused from severe depression. Of my mothers and grandmothers death I just would pop two aspirin when I was having the chest pains and a side ache.

Eleven years ago they removed my appendix at age 42. The doctor said to me aren't you a tad old to get your appendix out? I go well maybe but my grandma I believe had hers out too around my age...he also made a comment that he looked around at my other organs and I looked just fine.

I just becane so used to this appendix pain along with the on and off gas pains, that they have been normal part of how I have felt for years. Cause I have seriously been having them, I would bet over thirty years now.

My mind tells me that I could be hitting the nails on the head with my overthinking of the situation.

God I hope my intuition is slipping at 53 yrs old.

I can't sleep today is my CT Scans at four o'clock this afternoon.

.I think my nerves have gone into shock mode.. I haven't cried now for five hours ... Just the aching chest pains and the mild side ache that feels like gas pains. I also having such a strange sense and a strong feeling of uncertaintantv that comes across my whole body? Is that my nerves? Or is that a cancer symptom?

Ok I'm gonna stop typing now proof reading brings tears to my eyes and a tightness in my throat..I'm giving my pains pains..
I am so devastated..

[Sams wife]

You are really going to have to quit googling. I did at first & found this place. Have you used the search box here? I'm not the one cancer is happening to but I was up all hours of the night worrying myself crazy untill I kept seeing

"This is a marathon, not a sprint" you have a long way to go!!

I know you will worry for the first few months, you will be worn out!! We are barley 11, 12 months into this. Can't help but think this is never going to end even though my husband is "just" stage 2.
There are no new statistics (from what i hear) for cancer patients, if you search for it here you will find the statistics are either 5 or 10 years old!
I'm not sure, I quit paying attention when that comes up. But there are some pretty smart people on here, researching all the time. Like that was parts of their job.
Try to start searching on here for real people experiences, not just statistics. Call you dr & have him give you something for anxiety. My husband couldn't sleep for a long while. The dr just told him take 2 meds. If i knew it was that simple I would have asked earlier. You will need sleep for healing after surgery & everything else.
I know it will take a while for you to calm down. I just hate to see it. Good luck on CT today!

[Travelgirl]

It's me again having my 227am wake up call...
No tears as of yet..

I embarrassed myself yesterday breaking down in tears at the hospital, I was there for my first CT scan with contrast and an IV. All I was told to do was change my clothes, take off my necklaces and drink two glasses of iodine to get ready for the test. And I started crying.. All I was getting was a CT scan and I couldn't contain myself.

The anger,the fear, the loss of control good god I have too find a way to control my emotions. Or I will be changing my name to TISSUE GIRL like someone said earlier in a response to me.

My husband was home with me all day.and even having him home not being alone wasn't enough.The thing I was able to contain was not crying so much that I hyperventilated. I guess this was a start. If I can overcome hyperventilating I can stop crying.

Now I am worrying that what if they cancel my surgery on 12/28? What if the cancer just isn't contained to my cecum and they go oh this one we can't help? Send her home to die. Call in the hospice.

I tried to get something yesterday to take the edge off from the Dr's office. Well they wouldn't. I'm going to try again my budda phone app I installed for my release.

I barely ate yesterday a banana a cup of yogurt, a shrimp cocktail and a vanilla milkshake. I have no appetite the last week since I been having my humbling life changing experience. First the Dr's not being able to remove the polyp and second being told the word cancer. That is also when my nightmares started to also have panic attacks waking me up in the middle of the night.
I normally eat like I'm going to the electric chair. Well this is close enough to that. Who would of thought the opposite takes place? You have no appetite instead. And I pretty much slept about 8 to 10 hours a night in the past. Now I'm lucky if I can sleep 5 hours.

I keep thinking about my Mom. When she was sick with cancer. It was horrible watching her die. I think of my grandpa when he was dying of cancer too. Both suffered so much. I wonder if that will be me one day?

I look in the mirror my eyes are glassy and worry cause I remember when my Mom and Grandpa were dying they had very glassy eyes. My senses of smell also has become much stronger too.

I thought for sure back in October when I had my first colonopscopy and I was told I was lucky that he found the precancerous polyp. No one is lucky when they find out that suprise. My throat and chest tightened up right away.

On my way home I stopped at a thrift shop where the money goes to cancer patients. Well I found an Angel vase that happens to be part of a collection of vases I already have. I thought hmmm this must be a good sign? What are the odds to walk into a cancer thrift shop and find a vase to my collection of an angel I didn't even know they made? Not counting they don't make these vases anymore.

Thanks for listening or reading. Your the only ones I have to tell this all too.. Thank you..

Now it is the final countdown I guess to what will be my true diagnosis of cancer. -5 days and 4 nights till my surgery.

[prs]

Travelgirl, you are obviously a very intelligent woman, and have used your intelligence and drive to find the best treatment center in your area. Despite your fears and anxieties you were able to make the right decision to find the best, most experienced Doctors who will give you the best possible chance of beating this disease.

Now you have another decision to make. I know it's easier said than done but you need to use your intelligence and drive to overcome your fears. You need to start HOPING FOR THE BEST, not fearing the worst. Your treatment will have a better chance of working if you have a positive attitude and have the hope and desire to fight the disease.

Also it will be a lot easier for your friends and family to figure out how they can best support you if they are greeted with a smile rather than you bursting out in tears every time they try to talk to you. Maybe you can use this restful period over Christmas to pull yourself together and decide you are going to be a winner in this fight. What's the point of being sad and miserable about all this when you have the chance to get up off your ass and fight it.

I do hope it all works out well for you, and have a very merry Christmas...you've earned it !!!

[Travelgirl]

I agree 100% with you.

I do need to do that and I will.

It was last Friday that I was told I had cancer. I literally believe I went into shock and the, are you Effin kinding me phase?

Today I am doing a tad better. I only cried a couple of times. And I didn't hyperventilate.. That is 2 days now no hyperventilating . I went for a two mile walk.. And I was busy getting the house ready for my son to come for Christmas.

It is three days till they do my colon resection surgery on 12/28. I am praying I can start off 2016 cancer free...and spend my efforts to researching and practicing a healthier lifestyle. So I can remain cancer free..

I just hope after they tell me the final results I don't have another breakdown before I can more forward again.

I am typically a warrior type person strong willed and strong minded. But for some reason being told I had cancer was like I got hit in the head with a curve ball out of left field.

Thank you all for all the comments and words to get my head back on track.. It really does help me. More than you can ever imagine.
Merry Christmas

[prs]

Travelgirl, that's the spirit, you are on the right track !!!

Sorry if my post seemed a little harsh, but I felt you needed to get yourself together before surgery and there wasn't much time.

Also, don't dwell on the first two Doctors and their incorrect diagnosis. In fact they did you a favor because you ended up at the very best place for treatment. Thank your lucky stars that one of them isn't going to go to work on you on the 28th!!!! In the end it all worked out for the best, and with your new positive attitude should continue to do so.

[Travelgirl]

Morning everyone,

Today is my D-Day...... My surgery is at 230pm where they remove part of my guts or large intestine and small intestines.

What is odd for some strange reason right now I'm not crying... I figured today I would be a basket case. All I want to do, is go and see a sunrise and listen to the roar of the ocean.

Thank God I'm not having a panic attack. I guess one goes into survival mode automatically.

I must be at the acceptance mode or to the point, I just need to deal with it like a Boss. But then again, when you are dealt the colon cancer blow to your head well, you don't have much of a choice. Your forced to walk down the path to uncertainly and pray for the best.

I want to thank you all for listening. And a big thanks to the ones on here like Peter who gave some tuff words of advice. I need that sometimes. My Mom and Grandpa used to talk to that way too me. God I miss them. So thank you for stepping up for them.

I will let you all know how my D-Day aka surgery went..

But I need one favor from you all? Where do I find the button to start a new topic? Or would you rather I just keep this feed going?

Anyway God Bless us all .

[stu]

Hope everything goes smoothly for you and we look forward to hearing the good news that you are safely through the surgery and onto recovery.
Kind regards
Studying

[O Stoma Mia]

The NewTopic button is at the very top of this Forum, on the left-hand side. The link to it is also here:

http://coloncancersupport.colonclub.com/posting.php?mode=post&f=1

Use the New Topic button whenever you want to introduce yourself, or whenever you want to introduce a subject for which you would like a response.

[Travelgirl]

Well guys. Sighing. I cannot believe what happened today. I went to mayo clinic today planning on having surgery and instead the doctor called me on phone and said we need to talk. Had me go to his office.

Last week when I had the CT scan he was out of town. He saw them last night.

Now being that I am not showing any symptoms typical of colon cancer. I have none in fact the only thing that brought me to see a doctor was a severe case of Gerd.

Well the CT scan that the first three doctors I saw refused to order. Well it shows a enlarged lymph node in the middle of my Arota, liver and diaphragm. Not typical to colon cancer and the lymph nodes around my colon look ok not enlarged.

It is one of three things. 1) being nothing something just to watch. 2) it is possible that my no systematic colon cancer is a stage 4 and spread to only that lymph node. Rare but possible 3) or I have a 2nd cancer possibly lymphoma without any sign or symptoms rare but possible he said.

So as it stands they are now doing a platelet count had blood drawn for that today, then on Wednesday, I'm having CT guided biopsy of the enlarged lymph node ( hopefully they are able to reach it properly with that) and Thursday I am having a pet scan..
My brains are now officially numb ..I walked out his office said to hell with my gerd diet and ate a double cheeseburger with onion rings and a red velvet shake. My big splurge in life.. Usually I'm eating some rabbit food...

Well i guess the saga continues .. I shall keep u all posted..

[juliej]

I was just thinking about you! IMHO, you need a second opinion. It's just crazy that you were scheduled for surgery and now they are saying it's either nothing OR Stage IV CRC OR a second cancer! What happened to the "15mm flat polyp that came back adenocarcinoma" that they found at Mayo"? Adenocarcinoma is cancer. Ask for a copy of the pathology report on the polyp and see what it says. Something is funny here. You need a more in-depth analysis from an expert who can analyze the data and come up with a more accurate diagnosis.

My brains are now officially numb ..I walked out his office said to hell with my gerd diet and ate a double cheeseburger with onion rings and a red velvet shake.

LOL

Hugs to you! And keep us updated!
Juliej

[Travelgirl]

@juliej

The Enlarged lymph gland is not near the colon. It is surround by my liver, my diaphragm, and my Arota... It has MAYO CLINIC stymied for an answer? Without a biopsy of the lymph node.

Mayo clinic is my 3rd opinion from a GI Dr. And my 2nd opinion from a Surgeon.

Because I am not systematic on colon cancer...or any other cancers that I know about.

Seriously my Gerd is what got me to a doctor for an endoscope and he said how about a colonopspy at the same time. The cecum polyp was not something you expected to be found.

they really want to rule out this enlarged lymph node. Cause the treatment would be completely different. Especially he said if it is another cancer. I had him repeat it four times cause I thought I was seriously hearing things. I know I annoy doctors doing that. But my brain goes into utter shock. Just like when I was told I had the cecum ulcer / polyp..same thing happened...

He said once they rule out that there is no cancer in the swollen lymph node, my surgery would be done quickly. If it is cancer they do chemo first then surgery. Because it is so far from the colon site. It is very rare to not see other sites with cancer cells first. Closer to the cecum. I looked at him and said. " you said the same thing about my the site of colon cancer, cecum cancer is rarest of all colon cancer spots, your freaking me out" I go what do I have about three years to live? I go I didn't even feel sick or look sick???

He said well that is good catching it all early makes treatment more successful.

I don't even know if this true? Do you know anyone who has been diagnosed with two separate cancers all at once? I never heard of it.

I'm about ready to buy a lottery ticket. Hell I think I stand a better chance at winning that now, since I'm full of rare surprises..

One thing I have heard from each doctor is these words "this is rare but it has been seen before." That includes the first three I fired too. That has been the only consistency..

Now I have no clue if this how others been treated, or what is typical of being diagnosed with any cancer? Maybe someone knows that answer?