Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

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Lydia666
Posts: 676
Joined: Sat Jun 06, 2015 6:50 pm
Location: Montreal, Canada

Re: Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

Postby Lydia666 » Mon Oct 26, 2015 7:22 pm

lpas wrote:So, I've been struggling a lot lately with health-related anxiety and I could use some advice from those who've been there/done that.

I had a CT scan 2 weeks ago, which was normal. My CEA (although not a great marker for me) is trending downward. I thought I was seeing blood in my urine, as I posted a few weeks ago, but the urologist never found more than a trace and it appears the pink color may have been related to one of the supplements I take. My cystoscopy was clear and they also did a urine test for cancer cells which was clean. I had a mole check on Friday and they removed a suspicious one--which could be melanoma--but it was small, and I can't imagine it would be causing me any other problems at this point.

With all that said, I can't seem to shake the feeling that something isn't right. My back has been bothering me a lot for about a month now. The pain comes and goes, sometimes in my lower back, sometimes between my shoulder blades, which is very odd. I don't think it's bone mets, but muscle strain doesn't make sense either. I'm also anemic, but not iron-deficient, and the problem seems to be getting worse. Haven't had much energy lately and my appetite is crappy, which I suppose could be the anemia. Overall, I think my oncologist thinks I'm nuts. Who knows, maybe he's right. I know I've pretty much lost faith in my body entirely. I used to see myself as a healthy person. Now I feel as though I'm falling apart at the seams. I have both a mammogram and my one-year colonoscopy set for next month and I'm to the point of almost expecting them to find something.

How are we supposed to get back to a place of trusting in our bodies again? Or is that even the right thing to do? Honestly I don't know what to think any more. Am I sick in the body or sick in the head? Can anyone else relate?

About your back pain- is it new? Because with young kids i live with back pain daily, sometimes worse than other days.
Oct 2012- thyroid cancer
June 19, 2015 Dx@39 yrs- CRC-T3N1M0
No vascular, no perineural invasion
Aug-Sept 2015- 28 rad/5FU
Oct 28, 2015- LAR- temp ileo, neg. nodes- 0/11
March 2016- 6 rounds Xeloda/positive CHEK2 mutation
August 2016- DCIS and decided post prophylactic double mastectomy
May 2018 - clean CT
Sept 2018-clean scope
Devastation, total shock- oct 2018, invasion of peri mets
Dec 20 - 2 round of folfox
Mom to 4 & 7 yrs kids - at least i brought them to this level of independence.

Jachut
Posts: 1137
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:16 pm
Facebook Username: hutchinson@aanet.com.au

Re: Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

Postby Jachut » Tue Oct 27, 2015 4:31 am

I think I have a fair degree of health related anxiety but never do I think its cancer. How weird is that? I was never a panicker before and I'm not really now, but I think about my health or my perceived lack of it almost constantly and I'm willing to consider that much of it is in my head. I obsess constantly over all the ways chemo has ruined my health and my life and fail to consider that what does ail me (minor in the scheme of things) is probably just age related and the type of stuff everyone has.

I think overall I really have one lasting effect and that is depression and that depression makes me imagine all sorts of health issues. Its tricky because its not sad depression its energy sapping pessimistic anxiety type depression that has taken me a long while to recognise.

One thing I never worry about is scans!

lpas
Posts: 1010
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2014 11:11 pm

Re: Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

Postby lpas » Tue Oct 27, 2015 1:41 pm

Just wanted to say thanks to all for the responses. I was desperately in need of some perspective and you've helped me find it.

Leon, I think you're right about the surveillance period being tougher in some ways than active treatment. Chemo was about taking charge and doing something to actively fight my disease, whereas the aftermath is more along the lines of passively waiting for it to reappear (or--hopefully--stay away) with much less that can be done to influence the process. For me anyway, that's a tough psychological pill to swallow. I really envy those who are able to just let go and live. Unfortunately, even when my brain tells me it's what I should be doing, I'm not so good at that. I need to find a way to improve.

Thanks again to everyone. I knew you guys would get it.
11/14 Dx sigmoid CC @ 45yo
12/14 Colectomy + hysterectomy
Stage IIIB, T3N1bM0, 2/20 nodes, MSS, G2, KRAS(A146T), TP53, SMAD4, ERBB2, CEA 1.0
2/15-7/15 XELOX & celecoxib
2/19 clean scope
11/19 clean CT
Ongoing cimetidine & other targeted supplements
Mom to a 6 & 8yo

Nordy1
Posts: 44
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2018 11:45 pm

Re: Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

Postby Nordy1 » Wed Feb 20, 2019 5:09 pm

lpas wrote:Leon, I think you're right about the surveillance period being tougher in some ways than active treatment. Chemo was about taking charge and doing something to actively fight my disease, whereas the aftermath is more along the lines of passively waiting for it to reappear (or--hopefully--stay away) with much less that can be done to influence the process. For me anyway, that's a tough psychological pill to swallow. I really envy those who are able to just let go and live. Unfortunately, even when my brain tells me it's what I should be doing, I'm not so good at that. I need to find a way to improve.

Thanks again to everyone. I knew you guys would get it.


HI Ipas

This really strikes a chord. I'm sitting waiting for scan results right now, 'Im pretty confident they are going to be good but I'm incredibly anxious that I'm being too passive at the same time. It doesn't even make sense in my own head... let alone when I try to explain to my family...

Nordy1
jan 2018 emergency room via ambulance rectal bleeding event
dx Feb 2018 sigmoid adenocarcinoma 2.5 cm, 3 small extranodal foci resected march 2018
stage 3A T1 n1c
multiple indeterminent nodes in liver, lungs and kidney
11 rounds folfox with oxyplatin stopped with full nephropathy of hands and feet
currently waiting next scan in Feb. 2019

Nordy1
Posts: 44
Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2018 11:45 pm

Re: Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

Postby Nordy1 » Wed Feb 20, 2019 5:10 pm

Wow just realized how old this original post is! Just goes to show how some things remain the same...

Nordy1
jan 2018 emergency room via ambulance rectal bleeding event
dx Feb 2018 sigmoid adenocarcinoma 2.5 cm, 3 small extranodal foci resected march 2018
stage 3A T1 n1c
multiple indeterminent nodes in liver, lungs and kidney
11 rounds folfox with oxyplatin stopped with full nephropathy of hands and feet
currently waiting next scan in Feb. 2019

crikklekay
Posts: 142
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2018 9:47 am
Location: Richmond, VA

Re: Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

Postby crikklekay » Fri Feb 22, 2019 10:42 pm

You know I didn’t realize how old this post was until I saw the most recent entry. I’m a caregiver so it isn’t my own body that I don’t trust, it’s his and the universe in general. I’ve posted in moments of panic here before on things that I’m sure most normal people would think is bonkers haha. Sometimes coming on the board and reading threads or signatures can cause a spike in anxiety for me, when I hear about people finding Mets/reoccurrence only months after being labeled NED or having Mets with no symptoms and good blood work. I live in fear of something popping up and shattering our fragile bubble.

I read somewhere that when something like cancer happens we lose our sense of invulnerability, since we know what can happen we don’t get to pretend bad things don’t happen to “us”. I try to live in the moment, and run my husband’s most recent test results in my mind like a prayer. It isn’t foolproof but it helps.
Caring for DH John
Stage IIIC, Lymph nodes: 6/22
Chemo: FOLFOX (6)
12/17 ER and emergency surgery
02/18 Hospital w/MSSA infected port, PICC line inserted, chest CT scan showed septic emboli & blood clots
03/18 Hospital w/CDIFF
08/18 CT Scan Clear, NEMD
2018/2019/2021 Colonoscopy Clear
2019/2020/2021/2022 CT Scan Clear
2021 PET scan & MRI show one spot on liver
08/21 Liver surgery to remove spot, confirmed mCRC. Now Stage IV
09/21 Start Folfiri + Avastin
03/22 CEA Rise, continuing chemo

DarknessEmbraced
Posts: 3816
Joined: Sat Nov 01, 2014 4:54 pm
Facebook Username: Riann Fletcher
Location: New Brunswick, Canada

Re: Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

Postby DarknessEmbraced » Sun Feb 24, 2019 2:36 pm

You're not crazy at all!*hugs* It's normal to feel anxiety.*hugs* I'm glad your tests have been normal. :) I hope your colonoscopy is clear!*hugs*
Diagnosed 10/28/14, age 36
Colon Resection 11/20/14, LAR (no illeo)
Stage 2a colon cancer, T3NOMO
Lymph-vascular invasion undetermined
0/22 lymph nodes
No chemo, no radiation
Clear Colonoscopy 04/29/15
NED 10/20/15
Ischemic Colitis 01/21/16
NED 11/10/16
CT Scan moved up due to high CEA 08/21/17
NED 09/25/17
NED 12/21/18
Clear colonoscopy 09/23/19
Clear 5 year scans 11/21/19- Considered cured! :)


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