Crazy cancer anxiety vs. legitimate concerns -- how do you differentiate?

[lpas]

So, I've been struggling a lot lately with health-related anxiety and I could use some advice from those who've been there/done that.

I had a CT scan 2 weeks ago, which was normal. My CEA (although not a great marker for me) is trending downward. I thought I was seeing blood in my urine, as I posted a few weeks ago, but the urologist never found more than a trace and it appears the pink color may have been related to one of the supplements I take. My cystoscopy was clear and they also did a urine test for cancer cells which was clean. I had a mole check on Friday and they removed a suspicious one--which could be melanoma--but it was small, and I can't imagine it would be causing me any other problems at this point.

With all that said, I can't seem to shake the feeling that something isn't right. My back has been bothering me a lot for about a month now. The pain comes and goes, sometimes in my lower back, sometimes between my shoulder blades, which is very odd. I don't think it's bone mets, but muscle strain doesn't make sense either. I'm also anemic, but not iron-deficient, and the problem seems to be getting worse. Haven't had much energy lately and my appetite is crappy, which I suppose could be the anemia. Overall, I think my oncologist thinks I'm nuts. Who knows, maybe he's right. I know I've pretty much lost faith in my body entirely. I used to see myself as a healthy person. Now I feel as though I'm falling apart at the seams. I have both a mammogram and my one-year colonoscopy set for next month and I'm to the point of almost expecting them to find something.

How are we supposed to get back to a place of trusting in our bodies again? Or is that even the right thing to do? Honestly I don't know what to think any more. Am I sick in the body or sick in the head? Can anyone else relate?

[Nik Colon]

I'm sure alot is anxiety from stress. You can also get pain from it, or just notice it more from worrying. If you are laying, sleeping more, that could also cause some back pain. Many things. It's very stressful and of course we worry. Best thing is to try not to, try to do something to take your mind off it. We can't change what will be. Much easier said, but do what you can to not think about it. Hugs and best wishes

[KWT]

Yeah, you're just crazy! Ha ha. Man, take the good news and run with it.

[ziggymonster]

I agree with Kenny...you have gotten great news......the anxiety over all this can cause most of the symptoms you are worrying about. I have many of those fears myself...but I've had reccurances in lungs and liver,
I find when I relax a bit much of my pain goes away.

[DarknessEmbraced]

I have the same type of anxiety about my health. I was so worried my one year ct scan results and they were clear. I'm currently struggling with a severe sinus infection that is making my asthma worse. It's really hard for me not to think about my health. I started antibiotics Friday that have yet to help. I had many blood tests and did two 24 hour urine collections for my endocrinologist. She said it would take 4 to 6 weeks to get in to see her again. I'm just trying to deal with one thing at a time. Right now the sinus infection is most pressing. Just know that you're not alone in your feelings. I am here for you!*hugs*

[TracieLynn]

Ipas, I think we are the same person! Every time you post
It's the same thing I've been staying up at night worrying about! I feel betrayed by my body... I exercised 5 x a week... Ate right...no smoking no drinking! I had the tumor deposit like you and am high risk for reoccurrence. I still need to get to NED, have my reversal, and return to the "real" world. But I'm not sure I'll ever be the same... At this point I'd rather be overly cautious than ignore anything. Doctors miss stuff all the time and we have to look out for ourselves! Now, how to stay sane?? Hang in there! You are not alone!!

[NZJay]

Yeah I can relate. You just have to remember your body and mind have been through a world of shit, and they bear the scars of every battle you've fought.

I've been in at least one form of constant pain ever since my first surgery; they shift and change and come and go. My doctors set a rule for me; three weeks of constant or increasing pain in one area would trigger further investigations. Anything else filed under "comes with the territory".

As for general anxiety I've found help in meditation, positive distraction, activities, etc. Note: I drink far too much.

[midlifemom]

Lpas,
I can relate - you're not alone.
I went for a few sessions with a counselor to discuss anxiety.
It actually helped.
Have you tried any counseling?
Also, what about a massage - maybe that would ease your aches and anxiety.

[Maggie Nell]

Hello Ipas,

Elbowing the cancer elephant out of the way, you are using the language of being in a classic growth phase,
with re-defining your identity. You may get some clues from this website (no affiliations) on how to
come into a new relationship with your bodymind and reforging confidence in your own instincts.

https://mommymystic.wordpress.com/

Your naturopath may have some contacts.

From a Ph.D in psychosocial oncology.
http://www.simmsmanncenter.ucla.edu/ind ... itten-law/

[Lydia666]

Very difficult not to worry even with all the good news. I understand, of course. I think we all do. I assume the worries come and go, so i hope they'll go away soon. Someone on here said, i'd rather be wrong than miserable, so bettter to think all will be well.
I don't know how to get rid of the anxiety. For me it comes and goes and thre is not much i can do. Positive news do help, which you have.

[rp1954]

The anxiety is understandable, young kids, a life threatening disease hopefully gone, some seriously toxic treatments with damage potential, and some real unknowns.

I would not dismiss the "not well" parts, nor despair either, there are a number of "benign disease" possibilities. This is the way chronically ill people often are, where common medical tests seem "ok" but they have pain and/or other seriously debilitating problems that go on (and on) until they are addressed, if ever. Conventional medicine is not good at surfacing many digestive issues, even the ones just sitting there in some 20 lb postgraduate GI textbook. Biologically oriented CAM practitioners (ND, MD, DO, DABCI, NP) may have a better batting average on some things, because they invested time and effort on a broader sweep.

I'll give one easy example. Celiac disease is a severe form of digestive disease, yet the average time to diagnosis is nine years, of the few percent that are ever diagnosed, from patients commonly dismissed as psychiatric cases. Many celiac patients have run through 1-2 dozen doctors without recognition. Other problems are emergent, like NAFLD. ... More recently, it has become appreciated that all the chemotherapy agents used in colorectal cancer appear capable of causing steatosis. (I am not saying you have this, but rather that post chemo problems have been underappreciated, inadequately discussed and analyzed)

[Lisa90]

I've had cancer quite a few times. You really learn your body and what it's trying to tell you when you go through this a lot. I'm not trying to be a downer but if you feel like something is not right, push them to check it out.

I've learnt to give something 2 weeks. If it doesn't clear up in two weeks after I try something to treat it, I go to my doctor.

I had to relearn this the hard way after a year of complaining and being told I'm too young to have CRC and I must have IBS or some kind of psychosomatic thing and besides I just saw my onc x months ago blah blah blah...

That being said, you did get some good results. Take those and run if you're comfortable it will show anything you're feeling. Just bare in mind markers for bone cancer are different to the ones for crc and that's why nobody noticed in my follow ups.

Also bare in mind there is not really any known link between bone cancer and crc. So the chances are low it's bone mets.

I'd honestly suggest you see a chiropractor or at least try to manage your stress and anxiety, too though. Not trusting your body or feeling in control of it can make you feel pretty overwhelmed and I've found this has a significant impact on my pain levels.

[arizona mom]

I like the "I'd rather be wrong than miserable" line.

The way I see it is that I am basically living scan to scan these days. I have twinges and aches and bumps that freak me out too, but I realize that if I can't let go of the fear for at least little while between scans, what kind of life am I going to be living? So I convince myself that I am doing everything I can to keep as close a eye on things as possible. I try to have faith that if something is going on, it is probably slow enough that waiting a month or two while I live a little between scans is not going to affect things that much. I have been told here that fighting cancer is a marathon and not a sprint. Slow down, relax, appreciate your good news and try to have as normal a life as possible...at least until your next scan.

[JudeD59]

As someone who has had back problems for decades, I can offer that a lot of stress is felt in the back muscles. If you are worried, you may be tensing those muscles during the day without even realizing. That can cause soreness and pain.

I'm not saying that's what it is and I would get anything that worries you checked out. I'm just offering a possible solution to the back pain.

Judy

[LeonW]

Yeah, a strange marathon it is.

First I absolutely panicked in the weeks following the bad news of Dx. The following full year, loaded with resections, chemo, scans, setbacks, blood work, etc, etc. was tough, but allowed hardly any time for anxiety. But when it all stopped and attention was reduced to only quarterly scans, I found it very hard adjusting. As if being alone in the fight again. Same when doc reduced surveillance to half-year checks, especially around the days of the scans that are skipped.

Not that I mind still being clean. I *do* count *all* my blessings.
But anxiety remains and surfaces at every change in schedule, at every incident.
I doubt if it will ever disappear . . .