how to be "in it together"

[wwroam]

" in it together" is easier said than done.
In 2007 I was a single man and just got on with it.
I don't report on this much but my current partner was diagnosed Colon Stage IV with mets to liver , ovaries and breast bone in March
I have learnt not to try to micromanage her treatment. There were so many tumours that resectability has never been an option. At the start she felt the need for my support on day 1 of each cycle. She is now comfortable going by herself. She has now done 14 cycles ( only the first 9 were with oxi) but after 13 cycles it was evident that 5FU + Avastin is not enough. Cycle 15 starts next Monday and some decisions are needed.
Our life runs in cycles just like chemo. Week 1 wipes her out and week 2 she is much more active. She has handled the chemo well. No nausea or diahorrea. The neuropathy is there in her hands but not the feet.
We still have a fairly good life and treat problems as they arise.

[Ron50]

G'day Wayne,
Hope you can continue to have some good times. It really P's me off to see someone like yourself do the hard yards only to get blindsided by the crap your partner is going thru. Sometimes life just seems to be a crock mate but what can you do other than just deal with it. Give you partner a hug from me and try and have a special Christmas this year . Ron.

[Maggie Nell]

Looks like you're making a move on wwroam's missus there, Ron. You angling for 'death by jealous husband'?
If so, can I have your Torana!

Maggie in Melbourne

[Ron50]

She would be mighty disappointed Maggie. If they cut out any more bits ,of if any more of the remaining bits drop off or stop working , I may find myself condemmed to be demolished to make way for something more useful. When my wife asked me to leave she had already replaced me with a working model. Unfortunately (HA HA HA HA ) he was dxed with prostate cancer. He survived but nothing works any more. Pity. Ron.

[Maggie Nell]

You're terrible Muriel!

[Maggie Nell]

For midlifemom

Just this weekend, aussie Tessa James, who was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, said this:

"When you say your [wedding] vows, you know you'll have hard times,
because that's life. But you don't say the words [in sickness and in health]
thinking anything is going to happen".

SundayStyle
Oct 18 2015

Yeah, I know...I know....Tessa James was in the soapie Home and Away known for launching bimbos onto unsuspecting
rugby players and boxers, but leaving that aside for a mo; I think we all enter marriage thinking we've
got immunity from the Really. Bad. Stuff.

...and then there is this..

Those vows, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” don’t give you an out, they give you a
roadmap for navigating life together, as a team. To survive as a couple you’ve got to figure out a united
way to tackle the problem, as a team

heatherwhistler.wordpress.com

[Ron50]

My second wife only took the house and left me to deal with cancer alone. My first wife took my two little kids , now that was the really bad stuff. I probably had enough evidence to get custody but a single dad is no substitute for a mum and but for all the extra marital activities she was an ok mum. Ron.

[Maggie Nell]

Found this article while link-hopping; thought I'd park it here.


http://www.simmsmanncenter.ucla.edu/ind ... d-couples/

[arizona mom]

That is an excellent article, Maggie. Thank you for sharing!!!

[midlifemom]

Thx Maggie

[Dorat]

I remember I was diagnosed just around the same time you were, I was a newly wed to my second husband. Well he was there for the first couple months of my treatment but he can not heandle me been always tired from chemo. He left me when I was on my sixth chemo treatment. I remember thinking how am I going to do this by myself and I was so scared. My first husband passed away several years ago and I remember when he first got sick I promised him that I was going to be there for him and I did. I was there for him until the last minute and I just could not see my self leaving him when he needed me the most.

[fwang910]

My wife could not accept or deal with me being sick. My doctors were very frank with both of us from the start. Too aggressive , too many lymph nodes. You won't make it. I knew I would but my wife did not care. She could not take the constant stress of medical tests and uncertainty. She asked me to leave. I did. I have been living alone for over nine years now. Sometimes I feel ok , most times I do it tough. She is right on one count. I am always sick. Cancer and chemo have left me with a legacy of pain and auto immune disease. My kidneys are stuffed as is my back. I take cyclosporine just to stay alive and 80mg daily of targin (oxycodone ) just to stay sane. That is ending as it is now causing me more pain than it saves ,hypoalgesia they think. I now have to go thru 16 weeks + of slowly lowering doses to get off it. I have been told it won't be easy. It scares me that I have to do it alone. People sometimes ask why people like me are still on this board after 17 years of survival. Some times it really helps not to be alone. Ron.

Such an inspiring msg Ron!

I live alone too, and single! But I'm fine with it.

Hope you will be cancer free forever! Also, enjoying the great weather in Sunshine Coast. If I'm feeling good, I'd love to go to QLD for a short getaway trip. My mind needs to be refreshed after all the crap going on.

Have a great Christmas!

Leo

[vilca11]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbvOVkbt1DI

In one of his short stories, Guy de Maupassant, spelled it out very well: "Everyone is dying alone"... IT IS WHAT IT IS - always in life of every human being.. all what's needed to feel ok in "not being together" is the acceptance of this Universal Law... Truly loving friends, family and our furry kids make our journey much much much easier, their love gives us strength and energy, what more we possibly could want, given the above?
vilca